Lust, Inevitably Leads To Loneliness Or Something Like That.

My Life Stories, From the highest to the lowest, and the grey area crap inbetween that forms my life so far…

Archive for the tag “life”

Well.


Okay.
I have been punished over, over and over again, for every mishap every one night stand that began with truth of loneliness and ended in mornings of there lack of.
I don’t want to tell you lies, I don’t even want to make myself look a little better, I have nothing to hide. I am blatantly and fully fucked.
I can persuade most strangers to share my bed for a night of no strings attached, ruthless, both drunken and sober sex but a person I genuinely share feelings with  I am handicapped by my unrelenting urges to show such caring affection for any girl that is currently in my question.
You may see this as romantic, but it haunts me, I cannot let go and be my complete self without losing.
They all leave, and no I am not what you call ugly or fat, I am not what you would call stupid, yes I may joke around a lot but at the end of the day, I cannot see the outliers of my own personality that makes such amazing women flee after a month or 6. Besides one, I am too nice, caring, affectionate, I put these women before myself, its a lesson I should have learnt long ago, but I always thought being yourself would lead to a full loving relationship that would outshine all the rest, but I’m finished coming second, I’m finished giving.

I think I have stopped caring.

Anyway besides that, yes it fell through with another lady, great sex, amazing sex really.
A few days after that fell through I found myself in the arms of another and a blowjob that…. well… was amazing, pure bliss, like angel with me in her mouth.

Anyhow I’m back, I won’t be lazy and let you down, my fans, well what are left.

Goodnight
Alexander Vince

Just Smile.


The amazing yet scarred girls, ruined long before meeting me, seem to be my specialty. I get them, I try to understand and give support, not too much, but each time they slip through my fingers. Yep I can feel it happening again, they all drift away, eventually. But I’m not whining, this happens, a healthy relationship consists of two people’s choices, not one, yet still disappointing, at least I’m seeing this coming right?

Its been found in studies that the most creative of people find it easier, as well as produce some of the most amazing well known pieces when they’re in  negative states of mind. For example Charles Bukowski, his poetry, short stories, novels all surrounded the average lives of poor Americans, the act of writing, alcohol, relationships with women and the drudgery of work. Times magazine even described Bukowski as the “laureate of American lowlife”. Its as if Bukowski sacrificed happiness for this unmatched writing that has left behind a legacy of creative genius.

Learning of this apparent connection, I find myself realising that I only really write when I’m not feeling too happy with myself.

There’s only one thing I can focus on (besides the obvious uni, work, etc, etc) and that is being truthful to myself, expect less of others and appreciate more. I hate losing like everyone else does and quoting The Rolling Stones “You cannot always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need”

Now to talk this amazing girl and be told what I already know.

Yours sincerely the for once realist but learning just to smile

Alexander Vince

P.S I know I don’t deserve her. I’ve realised that.

Can’t Survive On Candy


So I came to the reality I can’t “survive on candy” I will refer to candy as those fairytales, those hopes we hold for certain people, that infatuation that is undeniably seductive and sweet. That small supple frame, her cheeky curves, a body that puts the devils charm to shame, bublegum tongue with each addictive taste leaves you yearning those thorny rose lips that dig closer to your fragile and vulnerable self. Then her every gesture unfathomably innocent and well…. purely… gently, gracefully just nice. She’s independent, a mother who rears her child with great responsibility and amazing amiability, she holds all the qualities that every man should want in a potential spouse. How can I deny myself from such a girl? I have become entranced, I haven’t wasted a thought or a glance on another girl, I am completely captivated by her.
But the best part of it all is I want to change for the good, better myself, stop this selfish rampage drowning myself in a sea of the female lustful reproductive systems, I want to have this devotion to a person.
I really am miserable, I fall “in an alcohol induced love” with a women for the night only to wake up the next morning dreadfully disappointing them and myself to find our lustful conquest useless and a failure to anything that resembled the last night’s deep attraction. I know this isn’t the way to go around establishing a strong foundation for a relationship, but it seems that most of the lonelyhearts are at that bar, that night club, that house party or at that pub, do I yearn for such a connection so desperately I latch myself to a fellow lonely heart for but a grain of that familiar sense of security, contentnes and comfort. Admittedly I do.
I am such a hypocrite, I feel horrible for what I’ve done to these perfectly nice girls and I can use some poor excuse but ultimately I am sorry.

Now back to the original point, do I deserve this girl(or any girl)? Or will I wonder around in this life watching others joys and success such as the family across the street in their cottage like house, the mother playing with her child in the playhouse, the father applying himself to household maintenance in a sweet serene family scene, of what i see as happiness.
I guess time will tell because do I have any other choice but to wait….

Yours the apologetic and troubled sleeper

Alexander Vince

Its Been A While…..


1st of July 2011

Wow time flies, maybe not with wings, although the hour/minute arms look like wings, especially when its 9:15 Pm (yes I’m talking about a clock, I’m a bit different okay! Its called being unique!). Anyhow its Friday the 1st of July, its uni holidays and my life has vastly made itself even bigger, more complex and amazing as each second goes by. I apologize for my absolute laziness in writing my posts but how exciting would my life be if it didn’t take precedence or charge over my writing? (Even if it took over completely)

I don’t know whether i could even release it in chapters as so much has happened over the past months, that i could probably write a book. But you’ll be getting the shortened version, only the exciting bits of course!

I’ve been back up to Sydney, visited family and friends, and drank way too much! (I’ll show you some pictures!)

My best mate from Sydney came down with me to see the lime light of Launceston…(Which shall be talked of in the next post)

And oh did he have fun…. You’ll have to find out Winking smile

By the way I’m a hundred percent sober, since Wednesday night/early hours of Thursday and I’m currently once again cleansing myself of smoking. Yes I know its Friday, but you have to start somewhere right! Lowered drinking levels, and a complete stop to smoking! Smile

I’m also considering moving houses.

On the list of things to do….

THE LIST OF THINGS TO DO Surprised smile

– UNI(always first Winking smile )

– Write a story about a beautiful red dragon and an attractive blue dragon Winking smile(Still

working on the title and most of the story, as its still on going)

– Save money(for a rainy day)

– Move out of this place(long story)

– Still enjoy ones self Open-mouthed smile (pretty self explanatory)

But there are a many things i wish to talk about today, mainly sex, but also my girlfriend, yes that’s right girlfriend!

My previous post about the girl i met is indeed about my current girlfriend, Mars has finally met Venus, and damn its good! Pretty much 4 months in a couple of weeks Surprised smile She has such a lust for life it almost makes her so sick it would keep her bedridden for days, so things were pretty rocky to begin with, but now on the relationship front it seems pretty good! Hi 5 anyone?

photo077

Anyway time for sex talk!

I’ve had a many conversations with friends about the opposite sex, especially when your on your guys night out, and there’s an absolutely “drop dead gorgeous” girl wearing a skimpy, tight fitted, shiny, and extremely revealing dress, and many guys would roll around on the ground like a puppy dog, or attach a leash to themselves to hand to her, just to hope to have sex with her…. Multiple times…. But it seems like a massive annoyance to ourselves that us men, crave sex, all the time, and its worse then you think. (a guys point of view) From when you lose your virginity, its an addiction, which goes with the saying “once you pop you can’t stop” some may not feel the same way, but the majority do. Everyone has their addictions smoking, narcotics, alcohol, etc, and etc, but the stereotypical female thinking that all men want is sex, isn’t completely true, as much as I’d love to have it every hour of every day I can do without! Even though I get twitchy…. I read a story about a guy so wound up about sex, he chopped his own penis off, still didn’t fix the problem but still sounds fucked up.  Yes this is probably an extreme case of addiction or mostly some kind of insanity and isn’t quite as regular, but maybe most of us men have a “softcore” addiction to sex, or just maybe its our evolutionary instincts, as quoted by Famous Irish comedian/actor Dylan Moran “The race must continue! The race must continue!”, its also known that in the past, the male was supposed to “spread his seed” as much as possible so his lineage will continue, so where does this leave guys who are continually under scrutiny from woman. SEXIST AGAINST MEN! I THINK SO Smile with tongue out  Narr, I’m just kidding, but hopefully if a woman, or a girl is reading this and realises that there’s a reason to our “addiction” or our yearning to sex you up, you will be more understanding and you should actually take it as a compliment as they are genuinely attracted to you. Besides many “Girls feel the need to love to have sex, but guys feel the need to have sex to love.” that’s right, so moral of the story is, we’re all fucked up, so lets just have sex. Just kidding haha

OH AND P.S ON THIS STORY, If you are actually and completely terrible at sex, its called “PORN” its good research material, which is why we watched it when we were teenagers in the midst of beginning our sex lives. AND PLEASE ATLEAST TRY, AND I MEAN GENUINELY TRY TO GET HER OFF, OTHERWISE YOUR A GREEDY SELFISH BASTARD. AND AND…. I’m kinda embarrassed to say I’m pumped for the new Harry Potter movie, does anybody else think Hermione’s hot? I JUST CAN’T WAIT FOR ALL THE HARRY POTTER FANATICS TO TURN INTO AIMLESS ZOMBIES AFTER ITS RELEASE, It’ll be like “ZombieLand” or “Dawn Of The Dead”, THE ANTICIPATION IS KILLING ME! haha.

Well that’s enough for tonight…

I’m off to my girlfriends house Smile

Yours the addicted  and the fallen

Alexander Vince

Pictures!

17062011348Yes its a top hat Open-mouthed smile

18062011350Me and my mate Adam, at The Oatley Hotel… In Oatley….

18062011352Cheeese!

18062011397TOP HAT!

 19062011423MUGSHOT!

19062011429CAMERA PHONE BATTLE!

 19062011434TOM!

19062011437WITH A CAMERA PHONE!

19062011422KIRK!

19062011438TOM WITH HIS CAMERA PHONE! AGAIN!

21062011441My pet Monty, he’s a homie!

23062011452Morning i was leaving Sad smile

23062011454 The bottle of wine me and Adam drank before I got on the plane to Tasmania Smile

People


They come in all shapes and forms, short, tall, middle? Muscular, thin or big boned, but what first appearances, are at times extremely different once you start to get to know the particular person, except for complete and utter douches, first appearances definitely defines them as the ultimate douche of “douchness”. For example last Wednesday i had another student night, yes i finished off my Green Label Johnnie Walker, oh the HORROR. So anyway at “The Saloon” my friends and I were playing pool and what seemed like an extremely drunk and dumbed down version of the hulk walked towards us, except not so buff, and well not green, as for the IQ I didn’t know such lower life forms were still around(I was hoping they died off from stupidity and lack of common sense), reminded me of president bush really, but not funny enough to laugh at.

bush_tired

HAHAHA. That is all….

But oh god he “got up in my grill” hahah but seriously, he tried to convince me and my friends that he had apparently “won” the table, well the single cell organism was apparently at the pool table playing with other mates, yes I’d sympathize, but I’d played several games before he walked over…. So obviously after he started to get all antsy pansy I told him to “Shadazzle off” and i tried my best not to flick him off, but ehehehe what can i say?

So besides that particular incident, people in this state are extremely nice, I’ve got some new buddies, all fans of drinking, the “window shopping”, and are indeed in tune with my sense of humour. WOO! DAMN I NEARLY FORGOT. There is this one guy… BIGGEST COCK HEAD KNOWN TO MAN. Why introduce me to some girls and saying “oi listen to this guy, he has an accent, he’s so smooth and he gets so much pussy!”. Like what the fuck? I didn’t even know this guy? But I don’t care, he has to do a nudie run at some point in this cold weather, so karma and embarrassment is all going to hit this small man. HA. HAHA.

But what confuses me the most, is that men have been stereotyped to be shallow. WHATTTT! The reasoning behind this is that we have temporary memory loss and complete lack of concentration, we also do stupid things, act like apes of old ancestry involved in our mating calls or dancing when we are in a presence of a “hot” girl, or those large and almost magnetic or hypnotic “attention seekers” they are located behind, and in front. But this is absolutely wrong! I speak for myself and all men, that we have pride, we have power and NOTHING CAN TAKE THAT AWAY……………..

16102010014

Wait a second! NO! NO! Fine…. I admit it. Its too hard to evade my eyes….. But yeah that’s a picture of me and a stripper, she beat me up, BUT THIS STILL DOESN’T PROVE WE ARE SHALLOW.

So if men are effected by those amazing…….. “attention seekers”, are women vulnerable to such tactics?

Lets find out i want to make a vote on whether you lady readers find this “Fidel Castro” and his “attention seekers” impossible to evade? (now i blotched his face out, for private reasons obviously)

Fidel Castro

To cast your vote, look at the comments on this post and there should be one of my comments and you either press the “Thumbs up” whether you like it, or the “Thumbs down” if you don’t.

Now as for me getting beat up by a stripper. (WARNING: IF YOU DON’T WANT MENTAL SCARS DONT READ OR LOOK FURTHER!)

Twas a many moons ago that i happened to go to an event called “Sexpo” (http://sexpo.com.au/) and there was an inflatable castle which was fortunately a strip club. The stripper who “performed” for me was a lovely nice lady, who i respect completely and utterly, As you can see from the picture earlier I’ve got my cheeky grin on and life couldn’t be better. But this was before she tied me to the strippers pole with my own scarf, pulled my pants down, ripped my bonds apart, took off my shirt, and rubbed and humped fruit and ice, into my back, and bit my bum, when she put a pear between my but cheeks. But oh that’s not the end, she whipped me with my own belt, and a studded belt. I had trouble walking, sitting down and LIFE STILL COULDN’T BE BETTER Open-mouthed smile

But there is a picture of my ass in my “morning after folder” and here it is:

17102010015

Bite mark and all.

But what concerned me most about my night at the strip club is that i got titties in my face, dry humped, and what i call “fetishly tortured”, which i didn’t pay for, but other people just paid for the torture…. Now maybe my moral values aren’t as fucked up as i thought, haha i was never into the whole hardcore domination thing but strip clubs they “aigghhttt”.

Now I’ve talked about douches, the cockhead, men, my new homies, strippers, the Fidel Castro looking guy, “hot” girls with their “attention seekers” but i haven’t talked about normal or average people. Now this is where it may get confusing but i don’t think there is a such thing as a normal or average person because to me normal is boring, and no matter how stale or un-delightfully monotone a person can be, you just have to get to know them, open them up or get them excited because then comes what i call “fun time”.

Winking smile

Yours the beat up/tortured and fun time loving

Alexander Vince

 

P.S VOTE! Thumbs up LIKEY! OR Thumbs down NO LIKEY!

P.S.S I will continue my defiance of the so called male stereotype of being shallow, next time.

P.S.S.S I love you all! Open-mouthed smile

Where Do You Draw The Line?


So as an adult there are certain things expected of me, both responsibility, as well as having the wisdom to deal with situations appropriately. Well of course these things come with time and experience, but burning yourself out because there is a lack of rush an excitement takes its toll, but with taking that toll, the boring and dull day to day becomes more aggravating and unbearable, but where do you stop and think what am I doing? Slowly killing one self with the destructive after effects of alcoholism, only to end the night in the bed of another?

Jesus it seems all so meaningless all of a sudden, where do you draw the line? I believe this alcoholism and addiction to the ideals of casual sex is corrupting both my generation and the youth to follow, I used to believe in the excitement of the chase and the catch, being seen as something worthy among friends and others, but now its meaningless with a self loathing catchy name as a man whore or player, it almost makes me feel hollow, have you ever thought about all those relationships that didn’t work and the “what if’s”?

It’s a deadly cycle of being interested in someone yet that interest failing as quickly as it came often leading me to realize that I’m not quite available as I was the night before, and then she’s gone leaving another road not taken, her leap of faith wasted, and another “what if”?

That responsibility and wisdom better come damn fast, because I’m not liking this self purgatory anymore.

Yours the irresponsible and unwise

Alexander Vince

me

To Drink A Drink, To Smoke A Smoke, To Fuck The Fucked, Be Cruel To Be Kind, To Live A Life, Without Any Strife.


So its occurred  to me that a partial few people around me, are constantly against my supposed “blackened” morals, as well as me drinking “too much”, smoking “too much” and well fucking “too much”, as well as here we go again being an arsehole “too much”, and according to these judgemental few that doing the dirty deed while intoxicated, and a cigarette in your grasp over and over and over again is a bad thing! Yes i agree cigarettes are a terrible thing causing cancer as well as an abundant amount of diseases, but that is soon to be a thing of the past, I’m going to be a quitter! But sex and alcohol? Come on?? As if i haven’t heard about their intoxicated sexual activities. But oh yes I’m the only one with bad morals. I’m judgemental on certain grounds such  as snobbery and “head up arse people”, but some deserve it, don’t you think? What they don’t seem to acknowledge when looking at other peoples doings, good or bad, theirs are just as bad, if not worse. I think of my doings…. Maybe a little too much at times quite apathetic and depressing really, but i judge myself before others.

As for the arsehole/dickhead thing or even being called a “fuckwit” or told things such as “Oh don’t get me started on what I’ve heard [about you]..” now as for all the gossip girls and guys out there who decide to even threaten or “hurt” my feelings by telling me the things I’ve supposedly done? Come on “what you’ve heard is probably most definitely true, I’m an arsehole, abuser, slut and a user Smile good day!”

Now as for “Without Any Strife” its bitchy’ness, the drama, the downright lack of honesty and trust, Oh its not just women, but men as well, there are drama craving, bitchy, conniving men. Now I’m just thinking to myself “what the fuck has this world come to”. Obviously somebody either lacked or overfed on the milk from their fair mother’s bosom.

Well i guess this new adventure of mine, will turn over something other then just boring hair wrenching frustration. Smile

If this is your first time reading, your probably think “shit, this guy is definitely not a people person” well your mistaken, i actually quite like people, but its the sociopaths and like i said conniving people, who are far too insecure often leading them to hurt their “friends” around them, on purpose. Well who likes those people? You? I wouldn’t think so….

Now as for my day a few days ago, its was wonderful! “Australia day” where you drink to your hearts content and more! As well as showing your Australian patriotism! But unfortunately for a few of my friends, they enjoyed their drink way too much, and wanted to show everybody the contents of their stomach, ahh just fertilizer for the garden right? But as the night went on, it was sleep that i was fond of, at the early time of 3:00 AM!

Yes it was hangover afternoon yesterday, but i saw a hilarious show last night called “A Ladies Guide To Brothels” based in Britain a pair of “older ladies” as well as the WI aka Women’s Institute made up of your friendly British neighbourhood grannies trying to legalize brothels in England, they visit famous brothel cities and states all around the world such as Holland with their window brothels, Nevada and New Zealand and they also visit adult shops, with curiosities’ for certain toys such as the “ass midget” often inquiring as to “i wonder what they use this for”, don’t believe me? hahaha here you are: http://www.cbc.ca/documentaries/passionateeyeshowcase/2008/ladysguide/.

Now i know late night TV is strange and almost erotic especially with all those advertisements about “phone this number and talk to:” “minxy Mary”, “Champagne”, “Licky Lillie”, or even “cocksucker Kate”. Mmmm late night TV is definitely for the lonely, but nothing will beat watching a pair of grannies almost having heart attacks and fits of embarrassment at an adult shop, now that’s entertainment!

Now its 7.46 PM on a Friday here in Sydney, and its going out night Open-mouthed smile So definitely “too much” drinking, no smoking (without crossed fingers) and hopefully the latter Winking smile But most definitely “too much” of an arsehole to those who deserve it Smile

Here is my ode to the night:

We shall drink like we are weary travellers waiting with the parched taste of our dry tongues for the drop of elixir will splash its pungent immortal intoxicating smell throughout our blood driving our insanity flowing through face and tongue.

Our bloodshot weary eyes wander relentlessly at this golden froth topped man drink but unbeknown to our irresponsible minds the next morning will shout us the burden of our hazy night.

Yours the drinking, smoking, fucking, arsehole without strife

Alexander Vince

P.S I’m pretty sure I’ll live my life my way Smile Thankyou, but please stop me if i confuse a woman with an actual transsexual, would be extremely awkward in the morning, I’d rather be lonely that night.

What Else Is There?


So I’m having a dark night of the soul, its the 29th of December, not long till new years eve and my head is filled with self doubt, my friend Gilly has “challenged” me to a “game” called “get the girl” (a very good looking Bulgarian girl in fact) but lately its times like these that leads to such self-loathing, and yes I am ashamed of myself which some of you would agree i should be, but what else is there, besides a night of loneliness or a morning of awkwardness? Where is that supposed “one girl or guy” that we’ve been told so much about..? Or the “one day you’ll find someone” and supposedly it will be “perfect” well I got to say it gets pretty damn lonely waiting for or trying to find that “person” don’t you agree?

What happened to dreaming and hoping for “love”? With ideals of partying and sex growing rampant like in the times of “Sex, Drugs and Rock&Roll”, with monogamy replaced by serial monogamy where are those “happy endings” that don’t surround the bedroom?

Ahh so many questions, but so little answers, so what else is there that our upcoming generation demands besides spiralling head first, drowning in a sea pussy or in other peoples cases, losing yourself in a forest of dicks?

Yours the self-loathing

Alexander Vince

Post Navigation

%d bloggers like this: