Lust, Inevitably Leads To Loneliness Or Something Like That.

My Life Stories, From the highest to the lowest, and the grey area crap inbetween that forms my life so far…

Archive for the category “Launceston”

Just Smile.


The amazing yet scarred girls, ruined long before meeting me, seem to be my specialty. I get them, I try to understand and give support, not too much, but each time they slip through my fingers. Yep I can feel it happening again, they all drift away, eventually. But I’m not whining, this happens, a healthy relationship consists of two people’s choices, not one, yet still disappointing, at least I’m seeing this coming right?

Its been found in studies that the most creative of people find it easier, as well as produce some of the most amazing well known pieces when they’re in  negative states of mind. For example Charles Bukowski, his poetry, short stories, novels all surrounded the average lives of poor Americans, the act of writing, alcohol, relationships with women and the drudgery of work. Times magazine even described Bukowski as the “laureate of American lowlife”. Its as if Bukowski sacrificed happiness for this unmatched writing that has left behind a legacy of creative genius.

Learning of this apparent connection, I find myself realising that I only really write when I’m not feeling too happy with myself.

There’s only one thing I can focus on (besides the obvious uni, work, etc, etc) and that is being truthful to myself, expect less of others and appreciate more. I hate losing like everyone else does and quoting The Rolling Stones “You cannot always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need”

Now to talk this amazing girl and be told what I already know.

Yours sincerely the for once realist but learning just to smile

Alexander Vince

P.S I know I don’t deserve her. I’ve realised that.

Advertisements

Can’t Survive On Candy


So I came to the reality I can’t “survive on candy” I will refer to candy as those fairytales, those hopes we hold for certain people, that infatuation that is undeniably seductive and sweet. That small supple frame, her cheeky curves, a body that puts the devils charm to shame, bublegum tongue with each addictive taste leaves you yearning those thorny rose lips that dig closer to your fragile and vulnerable self. Then her every gesture unfathomably innocent and well…. purely… gently, gracefully just nice. She’s independent, a mother who rears her child with great responsibility and amazing amiability, she holds all the qualities that every man should want in a potential spouse. How can I deny myself from such a girl? I have become entranced, I haven’t wasted a thought or a glance on another girl, I am completely captivated by her.
But the best part of it all is I want to change for the good, better myself, stop this selfish rampage drowning myself in a sea of the female lustful reproductive systems, I want to have this devotion to a person.
I really am miserable, I fall “in an alcohol induced love” with a women for the night only to wake up the next morning dreadfully disappointing them and myself to find our lustful conquest useless and a failure to anything that resembled the last night’s deep attraction. I know this isn’t the way to go around establishing a strong foundation for a relationship, but it seems that most of the lonelyhearts are at that bar, that night club, that house party or at that pub, do I yearn for such a connection so desperately I latch myself to a fellow lonely heart for but a grain of that familiar sense of security, contentnes and comfort. Admittedly I do.
I am such a hypocrite, I feel horrible for what I’ve done to these perfectly nice girls and I can use some poor excuse but ultimately I am sorry.

Now back to the original point, do I deserve this girl(or any girl)? Or will I wonder around in this life watching others joys and success such as the family across the street in their cottage like house, the mother playing with her child in the playhouse, the father applying himself to household maintenance in a sweet serene family scene, of what i see as happiness.
I guess time will tell because do I have any other choice but to wait….

Yours the apologetic and troubled sleeper

Alexander Vince

I Guess Its Like Rehab


I’m feeling good, happy, free I guess.

There’s been a lot of thinking over the past month, a lot of anger, frustration, regret, and a fucking stupid amount of things going through my head.

Its like rehab but the cold sweats in the middle of the night replaced with awful dreams, the shakes with constant reminders of her, and that addiction silently talking to you swapped with the constant never ending thoughts poking and teasing you of the past.
But I’m not going to say I was in pain throughout my last relationship, most of it was good and great times, but I need my time of freedom, to take a step back and look at everything and do everything that I want to. Without having to rely or be supported by anyone else therefore not experiencing the frustrations of disappointments when things fall through.
I’ve got myself, yeah sure loneliness is a problem I’ve got to face, but we all have to at some point.

I’m aiming at self reliance, defining, bettering and getting to know myself.
Okay now that’s enough about the pain, the change. Now to tell you what I’ve done for the relief, its fun… fun… and yes fun!

Which includes:

– Alcohol

– Smoking (stopping atm… again)

– A string of girls

– Took a lesbian home (yes that even surprised me)

– An unbelievable amount of training at the gym

–  Spending money (oh you all know it feels good)

– Just concentrating on Uni (perhaps not the most uplifting experience, but it takes your mind of things)

So I guess I’m going to have to tell you the lesbian story, well lets just say my mind wasn’t “there” my middle member controlled everything, I know its not very tasteful to do so but there’s an evolutionary theory why we(men) are the way we are, being “sex-crazed” to ensure the continuation of our lineage, but of course this theory or function is obsolete in our modern age society and is probably the most often used criticism by our female counterparts, personally I don’t see anything wrong with having a healthy sex life, just use a rubber, a dom, protection, sheepskin, bag, happy hat, jimmy cap, nodder, raincoat, or a glove. You know what I mean right?
No? Really?
Okay… Here’s something that will spark that light bulb of yours:

– No glove, no love.

– Don’t be silly, wrap you willy.

– Don’t be a fool, wrap your tool.

– Don’t be a ding-dong, cover you shling-shlong.

– Don’t be a wenis, protect you penis.

– If there’s gunna be affection, cover your erection.

– If your gunna banger, cover your wanger.

– There only a buck, get one before you fuck.

– If you think she’s spunky, cover your monkey.

– If you slip between her thighs, condomize.

– While your undressing Venus, dress up your penis.

– If you think she’ll sigh, cover old one eye.

– Avoid a frown, contain your clown.

– Cage that snake then shake and bake.

– Cover your vein then drive her insane.

– Wrap that Steed then trample her weeds.

Alright did you get it? Ahhh the last horse crosses the finish line…
Well anyway where was I? Oh yes I was pretty much doing the mating dance ritual with a girl on the dance floor, I had her pushing up against me, grabbing my ass, which really I kind of fancied, swapping roles a Little? Hahah then there was confusing she was 29 years old, my gay friend had a huge go(long story) but apparently the girl was “rank” like every other girl he’d commented on, well that’s a frustrated gay guy for you, but in the confusion he introduced me to this other girl, and in a drunken manner I quickly zoned in on an intense conversation with a Trinity looking girl from the matrix, lets call her that shall we! So got to my place, she wildly took my clothes off, ripped hers off in a flurry of tongue curling, griping, nail scratching, teeth biting, pelvis clenching magnificence. Then there it was….

SOOO MUCH BUSH!

Oh yeah it was there “BAM” she had so much, so much pride in herself, no stupid self image issues, that was HOT, yeah sure bush isn’t my thing even in politics but the self-confidence, the roar of Independence and beauty of being able to stand right in front of me, completely nude and vulnerable to sight and judgement without wincing. Yep WOW. I’ve always been able to walk around naked, it hasn’t bothered me, but most of my girlfriends have been so self-conscious, that its actually a let down, and most of the time such a joke because they’re all so beautiful, that I can’t help but laugh at the unfathomable reason of why they are that way, in reality they have nothing to worry about.
But anyway the Bush didn’t end there, there was a little bit of hair in the underarm, and I’m thinking yeah sure not what I’m used to but what the hell, then after the heightened intense super fun time, we talked, she’s mainly had girlfriends and hadn’t been with a guy in over 5 years. I felt privileged I must admit!

I felt dominated that night, as if she was the lioness and I was her prey, and oh I LOVED IT!

Well that’s enough of fun for one early morning 🙂

Yours the free, the conqueror, the happy and the rehabilitated

Alexander Vince

KEEP CHIPPER! 😀

Genuine


I Would not be surprised if you all are thinking “FOR GOD SAKES NOBODY CAN BE THIS HAPPY FOR THIS LONG” but its not just burst of happiness soon to die out in an ember,  its genuine happiness, with each passing moment a constant reminder things can only get better.

Its that feeling stepping in from the miserable cold outside into the warmth from smiling faces and flickers of the homely fireplace happy to see you or even on the sickly hot dry days where there is that soothing cool breeze or shade making the most unbearable heats seem un-noticeable, almost a perfection, its also the pleasure a gentlemen takes in sipping his whisky on the rocks, the innocent gleeful smile from a child, laughing with your friends till you feel like you have no control at all and all you can do is fall, also for you smokers taking that first draw from your cigarette after a long day. I have no means to try and make you understand, but it feels like all of this and more. It gives you the ability to notice.. well “the little things” as people say, and think wow, this it, this is what’s its supposed to be like.

I have a lot people to thank for this, Family, friends and “Missy”.

I don’t think I’ve known a relationship or a girl without its carry on luggage of doubts, don’t get me wrong there were happy times, but they were equally if not overtaken by its disappointments or unhappiness and until recently I thought that’s the way things were.

Its like arriving at a mysterious place in the dark, slowly seeing the light reveal, each shade of colour, the pavers, railings, grass, the sand of the beach, the waves rolling in, and the sun rising above the horizon of the sea, with each moment passing each colour is more vibrant then before until your surroundings are shrouded no longer, and all you see is beauty. I feel this way with Missy and its gloriously amazing that in my moments of random interaction that I’ve stumbled onto something extremely more then worthwhile, and all I can think or say is wow, with my jaw dropped, staring.

I finally feel like myself.

Anywho I just thought I’d get you up to speed with the whole “Missy” situation, to put it simply its fucking fantastic! Open-mouthed smile

Yours the genuinely happy

Alexander Vince

 

P.S Lots of funny stories from last weekend in the next post Winking smile

The Past Is Dangerous


Warning serious post!

So there’s been a speed bump in paradise with “Missy” (the wonderful girl who I went out on a date with, as you can read in earlier posts), it occurred the night before my inebriated “trick or treating”, when “Missy” had innocently been told about certain events of my past(way before we met), which to say the least shocked her and it almost changed her mind on continuing to develop our.. well “romance”. I’m sure many of you have done things in the past that if it were to be known, people would perceive or shape their understanding or fondness of you for the worst. But should there be such criticism or negativity, big or small, over an ordeal of the past that if a person and/or persons never knew, would not have caused such things as broken friendships, aggression or even a failure to launch, I guess the difficulty people have is over looking the idea of that person having done a particular thing and not realising situations and even the person could have been different back then, or being reluctant that they are who they are at this moment in time. Then again it all depends on what they’ve done and should judgements be made without completely understanding the matter at hand?

I’m sorry I am normally open to say everything and anything in this blog as you would know but this certain part of my past I cannot disclose to you, as personal as I may be with you, this is under lock and key in a tremendously large vault of paranoia and insecurity towards peoples possible reactions. But it was a journey of self exploration, to better understand me, myself and I. Now in experiencing this, I have a feeling of regret in doing it, but not regretful as I know its not my “gig” to put it simply.

Now as for “Missy” We’ve talked and it seems after a couple of weeks she is coming to terms with it, as I am still the same person, I haven’t changed and I still try to the best of my ability to make her happy. As much as it was embarrassing for “Missy” to find out, I’m almost glad because now I can definitely tell her everything!

Yours the for once secretive and happy making

Alexander Vince

P.S So my lovely friend Adam has begun a blog of his own, and it would be terribly nice if on your read through my blog you can visit his, you will find his well needed constructive criticism/cynicism on the ideals of todays society quite amusing! Thankyou!

>>>>> AdamBendall<<<<<

Trick Or Treating? More Like Drink and Drunking!


So I’ve waited way to long to post about my Halloween weekend! It was interesting, filled with vampires, ghouls,  Zorro, corpses, a Sweeney Todd, blood guts and skanky “sluts”(no offence but that was definitely the look they were going for, not that I nor others were complaining haha). I myself was a sophisticated looking vampire, with fangs and all, I may have been sophisticated looking, but i was being far from sophisticated and closer to being inappropriate in my drunken ways then anything else haha.

Jae, Me, Bec, Birthday nurse, Dracula

Starting off with work from 5 till 10, I was eager to go begin! With my Horde of buddies; Adam(Zorro), Jae(vampire bitten French housemaid), and golly/Andy Bennet(Pauly D) we landed at a birthday house party where a many people ended their night in a drunken pool of stumbling confusion. (ADAM WITNESSED A GUY SPEWING OVER THE BALCONY, which was hilarious.)

Some random pictures of peeps!

Stewart in drag for halloweenjae and andyMoniquee and nikiJayde and JadeDanielle!!Nick

 

Leaving with “happy birthday’s” and the anticipation of going out and “Trick or Treating”, we had a speedy drive to Lloyds Hotel which hosted a massively awesome Halloween event, and apart from the “boring lazy” people who didn’t take the time to dress up, it reminded me of a the Rob Zombie music video “Dragula”, yet perhaps not so satanic and including hot nurses, maids, she-devils, and bride corpses, with the live band even participating in their ghoulish ways. Its intriguing how I enjoyed Lloyds that night in compared to the regular Lloyds that on most occasions I loathe, But its quite self explanatory why I enjoyed it, atmosphere, eye candy, drinking, lots of familiar faces, and more drinking yet if only they hosted way more parties such as this in compared to what they’ve done in the past; just a suggestion…

We then moved onto Irish Murphies! Where me and Adam were approached by a middle aged woman, who I was previously flashing my fangs at, and licking my lips, for a laugh of course, but when she approached us, she asked whether I “liked turning girls on at the bar” with a drunken slur that would be obvious to the deaf or dead, with a tone of complete seriousness and leaning forward continuing to tell me that I was “cute” or “hot” which in our inebriated state made Adam and I laugh to pieces as we had coat hangers(AKA the hangover, well the perfect ingredient for one anyway).

After the Lovely Irish Murphies, you would have found me, Adam, Golly, and Jae with inebriation at an all time high at New York, enjoying the company of its musky smell of beer, sweat, and the sweet smell of grinding, not that sweet, but stand one way and you get grinded on by some lovely girl (with an obviously fantastic personality), look the other way and your looking at that girls boyfriend who just so happens to see, with the awkward moment that follows your realisation… I have to apologise my memory is quite hazy by this time, all I remember is cigarettes, a drink that I apparently made up and it tasting like a pure alcoholic mix of liquors and ice, so just imagine, its like drinking urine…. Not that I’ve drank urine, but this drink was fantastically disgusting. I remember leaving, getting to the taxi rank, and trying to be all noble and enforcing justice on the “pusher inerererers” yes my drunken self has amazing morals. But unfortunately these two, mmmm how could I describe them, oh yes filth! These two pieces of filth decided aggression was how this predicament was going to be sorted out, when they exchanged some inaudible filth language, I replied with a cheeky “what? what? pardon? I can’t understand you?” and that may not have helped the situation, but a taxi came by, and bye bye filth as they hopped in, to go back to their filth home in filth land, wherever the filth that may be…. Filth… Smile

 

Then back to mine and Adam’s home where we all went to sleep after the sun began to rise at 6 in the morning…. It was a fun night! Even if it includes memory loss!

Now I was going to talk about a certain subject for this blog, but Its going to be on the next one…. Probably tomorrow night!

Yours The Vampire, drunk and Justice Enforcer of Filth

Alexander Vince

To Fill You In


Well I feel the need to fill you in on what’s happened between my new set of posts, and those previous 7ish months ago…. SO you can get a grip on why this feeling of happiness and such a wonderful date is an amazing change! Smile

So thinking of the past can give both pleasant, humorous, sad, embarrassing and shameful memories. for example over the last 8 months i have been  living far away from family and friends in Sydney and its pushed me through my last stages of choosing the self persecuting choices which led me astray towards a chaotic bipolar day to day living into this sense of independence and living happily content. It was during this time of chaos that my blog was practically a husk of what it used to be, and only written when I was on the happy side of this chaotic bipolar little slice of hell. To put it simply it was a series, well pretty much a pattern of “happy-disappointment-angry-upset-break up-apologies-false sense of happiness” for about 6 months. Yes if you’ve gathered so far I’m talking about my previous relationship, and now your probably thinking “why didn’t you end it sooner if you were so unhappy then?” well it wasn’t as easy that, I was both in denial and holding onto that last slither of hope that things would change, I’m not saying I wasn’t happy at all in this 6 month duration, but it was quenched and like a candle in the rain, it didn’t take long to go out.

But now the chaos is far from sight, further then the horizon. With many thanks to my friends of course who had to deal with such terror and unimaginable frustrations.

To those experiencing that chaos, I wish you good luck, and I really do hope things get better for you. But its your choice whether you want chaos over genuine happiness.

Yours the happily vibrant and un-chaotic

Alexander Vince

A Smile


So to end another weekend of  bright sunshine, joyous, coffee, cigarettes, drinking, brilliance and work i had a highlight, it was on the Sunday night, I had a date with a beautiful blonde (lets call her Missy). At a nice restaurant called “Silt” accompanied with a bottle of champagne, our conversations were  never ending! Working its way into our precious history as children, adolescents, and adults as well our families past and how we came to be comparing each others colourful lives with interest and admiration, so practically I came to find and cement my thoughts of the things that makes this particular “Missy” special. What many find an average dinner date of entree’s, a main course and a dessert, this was far beyond my expectations, so much better in fact, to have a date go so nice and smoothly, even if we were partially inebriated following a distinct straight mix of port, limes, Cointreau and liqueur. I was supremely happy and for once i felt obligated AND willing to pay the bill, which was Pittance for such a splendorous, joyful night, I don’t think I’ve ever felt such a connection on a first date, not one just of lust but when you see that one sparkle that shows its potential for something that can be the star burning bright, along with your excited caffeinated butterflies in your stomach, it does bring a smile to your face.

Our night didn’t end there, home I didn’t go until the morning’s light and let’s just say we “rocked the casbah”. I took comfort in her company and her ridiculously comfortable bed, waking up to her aqua blue eyes and the highlight for my weekend a smile.

Yours the all round happy

Alexander Vince

 

P.s Me before my date: A haircut and HOORAY a weight off my head!

Picture of me before my date

THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM!


Yes I am still happily content! SURPRISED? HAHA!?!?!

Okay maybe its not surprising, because for those who know me, personally and in person; know I’m a pretty happy guy, but this is beyond happiness, I’ve got a dinner date; okay don’t start thinking that I’m moving at a million miles an hour, because I’m allowed to get to know someone aren’t I? I have to admit I’m nervous, but I’ve got happy, hyper BUTTERFLIES! Its Halloween in a couple of weeks,Dress up parties here I come! I’ve also got another Bali trip this Christmas/New Years; this time my best mate Adam is coming! Oh yes so much to look forward to!

There’s only one bad thing, all the good times have been fantastic, but they fly past and then suddenly its as if time itself has said “Hey wait a second, that Alex guy is having way too much fun, lets slow down during all the boring bits so he’ll be bored out of his tits.” or perhaps I just need some sleep….

Its like when you were a kid, your day at school is painfully slow, and your anticipating to go and play out on the street with your friends when you get home. But then you’ve got homework, further draining your belittled attention span but feeding your ravenous hunger to go and play. Those three hours of playful afternoons in the sun, are never three hours, well they never seemed to be. It all ended with the sun disappearing behind the horizon, street lights turning on, and one by one all of your friends were called home for dinner, you would play until you begin to feel the cold of darkness coming or you smell your mothers amazing cooking, and off you trot, or running.

Yes I’m comparing my innocent childhood days to anticipation of a dinner date, Halloween dress up parties and my soon to be, once again inebriated Bali experience.

I just feel that somewhere over the last few weeks I’ve regained that feeling, the rush, and the “butterflies” that as a kid, I had every afternoon when the school bell rang. I’m glad Smile

 

Yours the excited and all butterflied up

Alexander Vince

P.S

HOW CUTE IS THIS LITTLE ECHIDNA!

SO FING CUTE

Happiness Is In The Eye Of The Beholder


Why is it that when a disaster or feeling of unhappiness strikes that the weather is miserable in compared to when happiness is on the rise; where the weather is beautiful, the sun is shining and the birds are singing. I’ve noticed over the last couple of weeks, that I’ve been in a constant happy state, even when work tonight was hard and mistakes were made. I brushed it off and continued be chirpy, quirky, and at the end of the night, down right dirty. Hehehe.

I feel cleansed with the sun(HAVE TO LOVE THE VITAMIN D!), healthy food, coffee, and yes I feel cleansed even though I smoke ironic I know. But this is one of the first times in a long time where stress is a far away thought, I have someone worth working towards and I’m happy for it to go either way, whether it doesn’t happen or does, happy, for her and for me, its a crazy feeling. To put it simply everything is going well, besides my empty stomach at the moment. I am content and the best thing about it is I’m not trying so hard to be happy! Its coming naturally!

Oh by the way I’ve got a bed time story for you!

I was at work one night a couple of weeks ago, taking this middle aged, early 50’s looking couple’s order, serving their drinks and food, the whole “waitering” kit and caboodle and while talking to them, we got onto the topic of why i came to be working at this particular restaurant(the history of Alexander Vince really). At the end of the night, this particular couple came to pay the bill, and they give me a 10 dollar tip as well as a note I quickly skimmed through the note and said thankyou with a smile. It barely occurred to me at the time, that this couple were swingers and in this particular note suggested they were interested in me to come over for a “private drink and/or meal”, so pretty much they’re saying “hey join our weird open relationship swinger couple gangbang orgy touch and see our sagging bums thing, and we’ll get you drunk for free and feed you if we have to.” I’m conflicted, I feel like I’ve been eye raped or perved on by my high school gym teacher yet I feel extremely complimented that I passed their criteria… But no way in hell did I call their number, I’m not interested in seeing all the sagginess that I will eventually be forced to see in thirty years time.

Yours the Good Ole’ Plain happy and swinger attracting

Alexander Vince

 

P.s

So you’ve heard of Edward scissor hands?

I BRING YOU ALEXANDER BOTTLE HANDS!

2011-09-15 04.06.24

Post Navigation

%d bloggers like this: