Lust, Inevitably Leads To Loneliness Or Something Like That.

My Life Stories, From the highest to the lowest, and the grey area crap inbetween that forms my life so far…

Archive for the tag “fuck”

Well.


Okay.
I have been punished over, over and over again, for every mishap every one night stand that began with truth of loneliness and ended in mornings of there lack of.
I don’t want to tell you lies, I don’t even want to make myself look a little better, I have nothing to hide. I am blatantly and fully fucked.
I can persuade most strangers to share my bed for a night of no strings attached, ruthless, both drunken and sober sex but a person I genuinely share feelings with  I am handicapped by my unrelenting urges to show such caring affection for any girl that is currently in my question.
You may see this as romantic, but it haunts me, I cannot let go and be my complete self without losing.
They all leave, and no I am not what you call ugly or fat, I am not what you would call stupid, yes I may joke around a lot but at the end of the day, I cannot see the outliers of my own personality that makes such amazing women flee after a month or 6. Besides one, I am too nice, caring, affectionate, I put these women before myself, its a lesson I should have learnt long ago, but I always thought being yourself would lead to a full loving relationship that would outshine all the rest, but I’m finished coming second, I’m finished giving.

I think I have stopped caring.

Anyway besides that, yes it fell through with another lady, great sex, amazing sex really.
A few days after that fell through I found myself in the arms of another and a blowjob that…. well… was amazing, pure bliss, like angel with me in her mouth.

Anyhow I’m back, I won’t be lazy and let you down, my fans, well what are left.

Goodnight
Alexander Vince

Lust Inevitably Is Loneliness, I Know That Now.


Over my life I have experienced a journey, and I’m thankful, I really am.

But these last few months have been hard. From enjoying the life my parents gave me, and the seductive lifestyle of youth and carnage of naive pubescent sexual desire, I didn’t see anything wrong until I started losing a grip on who I was as a person, I flung myself through women, university, work, without taking anything seriously, yet I had a tight hold on my fun, partying and of course cigarettes. Two days after last years Christmas, I had my work induction to my new job, I had moved down to Hobart and I accepted a job in the Wrest Point Casino as yes a bartender 🙂 It was fantastic, everything was coming together, a great job with a great paycheck and for over a month I had solidly kept to my own pact of no sexual encounters until I found love.

A few weeks earlier I had previously been promised a job at an Irish pub, but was soon disappointed with the brutality of reality, horrid management and was rejected completely without an apology, it wasn’t going to be that easy in this new city. Eating plenty of cheap canned food and smoking terribly cheap cigarettes, a downed decrepit condition of living really just to save money I was soon to run out of. Suddenly though  two weeks later and three job interviews, I had my options of being a porter at a prestigious hotel(The Henry Jones Art Hotel), a kitchen hand at the Royal Tasmanian Yacht Club and a bartender at a casino with multiple bars and plenty of hours, choosing wisely I accepted the job at the casino. On this day my induction to my new job was a day I will not forget easily, arriving to the car after finding out all the nooks and crannies of my wonderful new workplace. My dear little sister who had only celebrated her 14th birthday over a month and half ago, had called me repeatedly, and left me several messages to call her urgently, sitting in the car on a suddenly, dawning dark day. I called her only find out she has been walking the streets of my old family neighbourhood in Sydney distraught with the news of my fathers infidelity, with some woman he worked with in Brisbane, after organizing my friends in Sydney to pick up my little sister and take her to their mothers house to make sure she was okay, I called my parents…

Through fits of screaming rage, throwing office chairs down the stairs and ghastly fits of anguish I was able to persuade my father to leave the house with some belongings, I couldn’t talk to my mother, she was attuned and driven to an almost rabid insane outburst of absolute pure wrath saying if she had “a gun or a knife” she would have killed my father.

It was over the next few days that my mother had calmed down, my father gave way to truth and had told both my mother and I that he had been paying for prostitutes for the entirety of the last year…

Now think, your own father, who you thought to be the working family man, who had your highest honour and pride, who had managed and coached your rugby team, who had always been there when you were in trouble, who had all the answers, who guided and taught you right from wrong, who you looked up to and idolized, single handedly proved you wrong…. No destroyed all your beliefs of him. What stops you from believing everything that was right about your father is in reality false.

I cannot fathom his decisions to do such things.

This event cracked the foundation of our family. But the with family second chances aren’t just deserving, they are a given, otherwise you would always question what if but for most of its for love.

But it wasn’t up to the rest of our immediate family or even me, it was my mother and her big full heart, she was and I do believe, will always be in love my father. They went through marriage counseling over the last couple months to decide whether they could work it out or civilly part ways.

I visited my family for my older sister’s engagement party for a weekend, it was amazing, my parents were the happiest I’d seen them in years, like school children in fact, I, as was everyone else were truly looking forward to overcoming this dark cloud.

A week after my great weekend of celebration, I had worked a ten hour shift at the casino till early in the morning, and sleeping it off, I woke up to more urgent phone calls…..

My father who was too afraid to tell my mother about several other affairs when he had the chance during the couples counseling, had been caught when my mother had accidentally found an email recently sent by my father to an ex-mistress, he then had no choice but to tell the entire truth for the last time, my father had been cheating on my mother my entire life and a divorce is inevitable…

But following the original event that started this all, my father has been seeing a psychologist, he’s found out he’s a sex addict, this lingering shadow over his head his entire life, has finally been revealed.

all starting when abused as a twelve year child by a woman in his neighbourhood, my father has been unable to control himself.

I will always love my father, no matter what, yes he provided for our family, coached my rugby team, was always there for me and my family, I will never abandon him in his time of need especially when he is completely alone.

But unfortunately, I am now lost, I don’t know what to do, my dearest mother who calls me everyday asks me what to do, asks me for advice, constantly repeats everything, and I know its not her intention, but I feel like its pulling me under, but I’ll stay strong, love makes and helps you do such things.

There’s alot of detail missing from the last few months, so I’m sorry if it sounds scattered, but its just so hard to concentrate on such a thing as this.

On the bright side I think I’ve found someone, but I’ll talk to you about that next time.

Yours genuinely, always loving but a little lost

Alexander Vince

GOD DAMMIT! Why Isn’t It?


Okay so I’ve been attempting to not smoke or well to smoke less. I have succeed with the latter, but that’s exactly why I called it an attempt, I feel no need when I’m with “Missy” unless inebriated… Now I’m here in the lounge room, its 12.55 AM, and I am actually contemplating buying cigarettes, work is filled to the brim with employees that smoke, I would love a drink right now, along with a cigarette. Its such a bad thing, I spent the last two days not smoking at all, even while drinking.

FUCK IT. I’ll be back with a taste of death sticks, and a drink.

* * *

I was going to talk about my weekend of tom foolery but I’ve been following some of the antics that has been going on with the Australian Government’s decision to review the changing of the law to enable for “Gay” marriage, and I’m too encompassed. With the apparent loving of all “god’s” creations; most Christians in Australia are against it, being non-accepting, un-loving of this change, directly going against what it means to be a Christian, which is “accepting of all”. But its not just Christians, its atheists, its everyone else who are part of the minority that is, the majority do not have the right restrict the minority, neither does a minority restrict another minority, why do they choose to do so?

I myself if you haven’t noticed am not religious whatsoever but I still have my beliefs. I believe that yes, let homosexuals marry, yes let them adopt and raise children of their own, yes lets support their right to do so, their right, their freedom, their choice.

Lately its appeared to me that the gravity of many religious, political, social, and ethical groups are taking it in their own hands to take away our freedom, our rights. Taxing cigarettes, hindering the right for homosexuals to get married, taxing alcohol, making it illegal to smoke while sitting outside at a cafe having your coffee, changing to plain packaging of cigarettes, not allowing cigarettes to be on display, crusading against abortions, sex, pornography and every so called “sinful” and apparently “bad” thing, which is slowly getting taken away.

Do you not have the choice?

Do you not take responsibility for your actions?

Do you not have the right?

Is it not your life?

To those groups, and people taking away our choices or restricting our choices!

LiveyourlifeandletmelivemyLifeYouvebeentrolledbyyourbrain

“I don’t want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone if possible – Jew, Gentile, Black Man, White.

We all want to help one another – human beings are like that. We want to live by each other’s happiness, not by each other’s misery. We don’t want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone and the good earth is rich and can provide for everyone – the way of life can be free and beautiful…

Let us fight to free the world. To do away with national barriers. To do away with greed, with hate and intolerance. Let us fight for a world of reason. A world where science and progress will lead to all men’s happiness.”

– Part of the “final speech” from “The Great Dictator” performed by Sir Charlie Chaplin

This is the world I want, this is what I believe in, this is the way it should be and GOD DAMMIT! Why isn’t it?

Yours the hopeful

Alexander Vince

True story

The Past Is Dangerous


Warning serious post!

So there’s been a speed bump in paradise with “Missy” (the wonderful girl who I went out on a date with, as you can read in earlier posts), it occurred the night before my inebriated “trick or treating”, when “Missy” had innocently been told about certain events of my past(way before we met), which to say the least shocked her and it almost changed her mind on continuing to develop our.. well “romance”. I’m sure many of you have done things in the past that if it were to be known, people would perceive or shape their understanding or fondness of you for the worst. But should there be such criticism or negativity, big or small, over an ordeal of the past that if a person and/or persons never knew, would not have caused such things as broken friendships, aggression or even a failure to launch, I guess the difficulty people have is over looking the idea of that person having done a particular thing and not realising situations and even the person could have been different back then, or being reluctant that they are who they are at this moment in time. Then again it all depends on what they’ve done and should judgements be made without completely understanding the matter at hand?

I’m sorry I am normally open to say everything and anything in this blog as you would know but this certain part of my past I cannot disclose to you, as personal as I may be with you, this is under lock and key in a tremendously large vault of paranoia and insecurity towards peoples possible reactions. But it was a journey of self exploration, to better understand me, myself and I. Now in experiencing this, I have a feeling of regret in doing it, but not regretful as I know its not my “gig” to put it simply.

Now as for “Missy” We’ve talked and it seems after a couple of weeks she is coming to terms with it, as I am still the same person, I haven’t changed and I still try to the best of my ability to make her happy. As much as it was embarrassing for “Missy” to find out, I’m almost glad because now I can definitely tell her everything!

Yours the for once secretive and happy making

Alexander Vince

P.S So my lovely friend Adam has begun a blog of his own, and it would be terribly nice if on your read through my blog you can visit his, you will find his well needed constructive criticism/cynicism on the ideals of todays society quite amusing! Thankyou!

>>>>> AdamBendall<<<<<

Its Been A While…..


1st of July 2011

Wow time flies, maybe not with wings, although the hour/minute arms look like wings, especially when its 9:15 Pm (yes I’m talking about a clock, I’m a bit different okay! Its called being unique!). Anyhow its Friday the 1st of July, its uni holidays and my life has vastly made itself even bigger, more complex and amazing as each second goes by. I apologize for my absolute laziness in writing my posts but how exciting would my life be if it didn’t take precedence or charge over my writing? (Even if it took over completely)

I don’t know whether i could even release it in chapters as so much has happened over the past months, that i could probably write a book. But you’ll be getting the shortened version, only the exciting bits of course!

I’ve been back up to Sydney, visited family and friends, and drank way too much! (I’ll show you some pictures!)

My best mate from Sydney came down with me to see the lime light of Launceston…(Which shall be talked of in the next post)

And oh did he have fun…. You’ll have to find out Winking smile

By the way I’m a hundred percent sober, since Wednesday night/early hours of Thursday and I’m currently once again cleansing myself of smoking. Yes I know its Friday, but you have to start somewhere right! Lowered drinking levels, and a complete stop to smoking! Smile

I’m also considering moving houses.

On the list of things to do….

THE LIST OF THINGS TO DO Surprised smile

– UNI(always first Winking smile )

– Write a story about a beautiful red dragon and an attractive blue dragon Winking smile(Still

working on the title and most of the story, as its still on going)

– Save money(for a rainy day)

– Move out of this place(long story)

– Still enjoy ones self Open-mouthed smile (pretty self explanatory)

But there are a many things i wish to talk about today, mainly sex, but also my girlfriend, yes that’s right girlfriend!

My previous post about the girl i met is indeed about my current girlfriend, Mars has finally met Venus, and damn its good! Pretty much 4 months in a couple of weeks Surprised smile She has such a lust for life it almost makes her so sick it would keep her bedridden for days, so things were pretty rocky to begin with, but now on the relationship front it seems pretty good! Hi 5 anyone?

photo077

Anyway time for sex talk!

I’ve had a many conversations with friends about the opposite sex, especially when your on your guys night out, and there’s an absolutely “drop dead gorgeous” girl wearing a skimpy, tight fitted, shiny, and extremely revealing dress, and many guys would roll around on the ground like a puppy dog, or attach a leash to themselves to hand to her, just to hope to have sex with her…. Multiple times…. But it seems like a massive annoyance to ourselves that us men, crave sex, all the time, and its worse then you think. (a guys point of view) From when you lose your virginity, its an addiction, which goes with the saying “once you pop you can’t stop” some may not feel the same way, but the majority do. Everyone has their addictions smoking, narcotics, alcohol, etc, and etc, but the stereotypical female thinking that all men want is sex, isn’t completely true, as much as I’d love to have it every hour of every day I can do without! Even though I get twitchy…. I read a story about a guy so wound up about sex, he chopped his own penis off, still didn’t fix the problem but still sounds fucked up.  Yes this is probably an extreme case of addiction or mostly some kind of insanity and isn’t quite as regular, but maybe most of us men have a “softcore” addiction to sex, or just maybe its our evolutionary instincts, as quoted by Famous Irish comedian/actor Dylan Moran “The race must continue! The race must continue!”, its also known that in the past, the male was supposed to “spread his seed” as much as possible so his lineage will continue, so where does this leave guys who are continually under scrutiny from woman. SEXIST AGAINST MEN! I THINK SO Smile with tongue out  Narr, I’m just kidding, but hopefully if a woman, or a girl is reading this and realises that there’s a reason to our “addiction” or our yearning to sex you up, you will be more understanding and you should actually take it as a compliment as they are genuinely attracted to you. Besides many “Girls feel the need to love to have sex, but guys feel the need to have sex to love.” that’s right, so moral of the story is, we’re all fucked up, so lets just have sex. Just kidding haha

OH AND P.S ON THIS STORY, If you are actually and completely terrible at sex, its called “PORN” its good research material, which is why we watched it when we were teenagers in the midst of beginning our sex lives. AND PLEASE ATLEAST TRY, AND I MEAN GENUINELY TRY TO GET HER OFF, OTHERWISE YOUR A GREEDY SELFISH BASTARD. AND AND…. I’m kinda embarrassed to say I’m pumped for the new Harry Potter movie, does anybody else think Hermione’s hot? I JUST CAN’T WAIT FOR ALL THE HARRY POTTER FANATICS TO TURN INTO AIMLESS ZOMBIES AFTER ITS RELEASE, It’ll be like “ZombieLand” or “Dawn Of The Dead”, THE ANTICIPATION IS KILLING ME! haha.

Well that’s enough for tonight…

I’m off to my girlfriends house Smile

Yours the addicted  and the fallen

Alexander Vince

Pictures!

17062011348Yes its a top hat Open-mouthed smile

18062011350Me and my mate Adam, at The Oatley Hotel… In Oatley….

18062011352Cheeese!

18062011397TOP HAT!

 19062011423MUGSHOT!

19062011429CAMERA PHONE BATTLE!

 19062011434TOM!

19062011437WITH A CAMERA PHONE!

19062011422KIRK!

19062011438TOM WITH HIS CAMERA PHONE! AGAIN!

21062011441My pet Monty, he’s a homie!

23062011452Morning i was leaving Sad smile

23062011454 The bottle of wine me and Adam drank before I got on the plane to Tasmania Smile

People


They come in all shapes and forms, short, tall, middle? Muscular, thin or big boned, but what first appearances, are at times extremely different once you start to get to know the particular person, except for complete and utter douches, first appearances definitely defines them as the ultimate douche of “douchness”. For example last Wednesday i had another student night, yes i finished off my Green Label Johnnie Walker, oh the HORROR. So anyway at “The Saloon” my friends and I were playing pool and what seemed like an extremely drunk and dumbed down version of the hulk walked towards us, except not so buff, and well not green, as for the IQ I didn’t know such lower life forms were still around(I was hoping they died off from stupidity and lack of common sense), reminded me of president bush really, but not funny enough to laugh at.

bush_tired

HAHAHA. That is all….

But oh god he “got up in my grill” hahah but seriously, he tried to convince me and my friends that he had apparently “won” the table, well the single cell organism was apparently at the pool table playing with other mates, yes I’d sympathize, but I’d played several games before he walked over…. So obviously after he started to get all antsy pansy I told him to “Shadazzle off” and i tried my best not to flick him off, but ehehehe what can i say?

So besides that particular incident, people in this state are extremely nice, I’ve got some new buddies, all fans of drinking, the “window shopping”, and are indeed in tune with my sense of humour. WOO! DAMN I NEARLY FORGOT. There is this one guy… BIGGEST COCK HEAD KNOWN TO MAN. Why introduce me to some girls and saying “oi listen to this guy, he has an accent, he’s so smooth and he gets so much pussy!”. Like what the fuck? I didn’t even know this guy? But I don’t care, he has to do a nudie run at some point in this cold weather, so karma and embarrassment is all going to hit this small man. HA. HAHA.

But what confuses me the most, is that men have been stereotyped to be shallow. WHATTTT! The reasoning behind this is that we have temporary memory loss and complete lack of concentration, we also do stupid things, act like apes of old ancestry involved in our mating calls or dancing when we are in a presence of a “hot” girl, or those large and almost magnetic or hypnotic “attention seekers” they are located behind, and in front. But this is absolutely wrong! I speak for myself and all men, that we have pride, we have power and NOTHING CAN TAKE THAT AWAY……………..

16102010014

Wait a second! NO! NO! Fine…. I admit it. Its too hard to evade my eyes….. But yeah that’s a picture of me and a stripper, she beat me up, BUT THIS STILL DOESN’T PROVE WE ARE SHALLOW.

So if men are effected by those amazing…….. “attention seekers”, are women vulnerable to such tactics?

Lets find out i want to make a vote on whether you lady readers find this “Fidel Castro” and his “attention seekers” impossible to evade? (now i blotched his face out, for private reasons obviously)

Fidel Castro

To cast your vote, look at the comments on this post and there should be one of my comments and you either press the “Thumbs up” whether you like it, or the “Thumbs down” if you don’t.

Now as for me getting beat up by a stripper. (WARNING: IF YOU DON’T WANT MENTAL SCARS DONT READ OR LOOK FURTHER!)

Twas a many moons ago that i happened to go to an event called “Sexpo” (http://sexpo.com.au/) and there was an inflatable castle which was fortunately a strip club. The stripper who “performed” for me was a lovely nice lady, who i respect completely and utterly, As you can see from the picture earlier I’ve got my cheeky grin on and life couldn’t be better. But this was before she tied me to the strippers pole with my own scarf, pulled my pants down, ripped my bonds apart, took off my shirt, and rubbed and humped fruit and ice, into my back, and bit my bum, when she put a pear between my but cheeks. But oh that’s not the end, she whipped me with my own belt, and a studded belt. I had trouble walking, sitting down and LIFE STILL COULDN’T BE BETTER Open-mouthed smile

But there is a picture of my ass in my “morning after folder” and here it is:

17102010015

Bite mark and all.

But what concerned me most about my night at the strip club is that i got titties in my face, dry humped, and what i call “fetishly tortured”, which i didn’t pay for, but other people just paid for the torture…. Now maybe my moral values aren’t as fucked up as i thought, haha i was never into the whole hardcore domination thing but strip clubs they “aigghhttt”.

Now I’ve talked about douches, the cockhead, men, my new homies, strippers, the Fidel Castro looking guy, “hot” girls with their “attention seekers” but i haven’t talked about normal or average people. Now this is where it may get confusing but i don’t think there is a such thing as a normal or average person because to me normal is boring, and no matter how stale or un-delightfully monotone a person can be, you just have to get to know them, open them up or get them excited because then comes what i call “fun time”.

Winking smile

Yours the beat up/tortured and fun time loving

Alexander Vince

 

P.S VOTE! Thumbs up LIKEY! OR Thumbs down NO LIKEY!

P.S.S I will continue my defiance of the so called male stereotype of being shallow, next time.

P.S.S.S I love you all! Open-mouthed smile

What Else Is There?


So I’m having a dark night of the soul, its the 29th of December, not long till new years eve and my head is filled with self doubt, my friend Gilly has “challenged” me to a “game” called “get the girl” (a very good looking Bulgarian girl in fact) but lately its times like these that leads to such self-loathing, and yes I am ashamed of myself which some of you would agree i should be, but what else is there, besides a night of loneliness or a morning of awkwardness? Where is that supposed “one girl or guy” that we’ve been told so much about..? Or the “one day you’ll find someone” and supposedly it will be “perfect” well I got to say it gets pretty damn lonely waiting for or trying to find that “person” don’t you agree?

What happened to dreaming and hoping for “love”? With ideals of partying and sex growing rampant like in the times of “Sex, Drugs and Rock&Roll”, with monogamy replaced by serial monogamy where are those “happy endings” that don’t surround the bedroom?

Ahh so many questions, but so little answers, so what else is there that our upcoming generation demands besides spiralling head first, drowning in a sea pussy or in other peoples cases, losing yourself in a forest of dicks?

Yours the self-loathing

Alexander Vince

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