Lust, Inevitably Leads To Loneliness Or Something Like That.

My Life Stories, From the highest to the lowest, and the grey area crap inbetween that forms my life so far…

Archive for the category “education”

Lust Inevitably Is Loneliness, I Know That Now.


Over my life I have experienced a journey, and I’m thankful, I really am.

But these last few months have been hard. From enjoying the life my parents gave me, and the seductive lifestyle of youth and carnage of naive pubescent sexual desire, I didn’t see anything wrong until I started losing a grip on who I was as a person, I flung myself through women, university, work, without taking anything seriously, yet I had a tight hold on my fun, partying and of course cigarettes. Two days after last years Christmas, I had my work induction to my new job, I had moved down to Hobart and I accepted a job in the Wrest Point Casino as yes a bartender 🙂 It was fantastic, everything was coming together, a great job with a great paycheck and for over a month I had solidly kept to my own pact of no sexual encounters until I found love.

A few weeks earlier I had previously been promised a job at an Irish pub, but was soon disappointed with the brutality of reality, horrid management and was rejected completely without an apology, it wasn’t going to be that easy in this new city. Eating plenty of cheap canned food and smoking terribly cheap cigarettes, a downed decrepit condition of living really just to save money I was soon to run out of. Suddenly though  two weeks later and three job interviews, I had my options of being a porter at a prestigious hotel(The Henry Jones Art Hotel), a kitchen hand at the Royal Tasmanian Yacht Club and a bartender at a casino with multiple bars and plenty of hours, choosing wisely I accepted the job at the casino. On this day my induction to my new job was a day I will not forget easily, arriving to the car after finding out all the nooks and crannies of my wonderful new workplace. My dear little sister who had only celebrated her 14th birthday over a month and half ago, had called me repeatedly, and left me several messages to call her urgently, sitting in the car on a suddenly, dawning dark day. I called her only find out she has been walking the streets of my old family neighbourhood in Sydney distraught with the news of my fathers infidelity, with some woman he worked with in Brisbane, after organizing my friends in Sydney to pick up my little sister and take her to their mothers house to make sure she was okay, I called my parents…

Through fits of screaming rage, throwing office chairs down the stairs and ghastly fits of anguish I was able to persuade my father to leave the house with some belongings, I couldn’t talk to my mother, she was attuned and driven to an almost rabid insane outburst of absolute pure wrath saying if she had “a gun or a knife” she would have killed my father.

It was over the next few days that my mother had calmed down, my father gave way to truth and had told both my mother and I that he had been paying for prostitutes for the entirety of the last year…

Now think, your own father, who you thought to be the working family man, who had your highest honour and pride, who had managed and coached your rugby team, who had always been there when you were in trouble, who had all the answers, who guided and taught you right from wrong, who you looked up to and idolized, single handedly proved you wrong…. No destroyed all your beliefs of him. What stops you from believing everything that was right about your father is in reality false.

I cannot fathom his decisions to do such things.

This event cracked the foundation of our family. But the with family second chances aren’t just deserving, they are a given, otherwise you would always question what if but for most of its for love.

But it wasn’t up to the rest of our immediate family or even me, it was my mother and her big full heart, she was and I do believe, will always be in love my father. They went through marriage counseling over the last couple months to decide whether they could work it out or civilly part ways.

I visited my family for my older sister’s engagement party for a weekend, it was amazing, my parents were the happiest I’d seen them in years, like school children in fact, I, as was everyone else were truly looking forward to overcoming this dark cloud.

A week after my great weekend of celebration, I had worked a ten hour shift at the casino till early in the morning, and sleeping it off, I woke up to more urgent phone calls…..

My father who was too afraid to tell my mother about several other affairs when he had the chance during the couples counseling, had been caught when my mother had accidentally found an email recently sent by my father to an ex-mistress, he then had no choice but to tell the entire truth for the last time, my father had been cheating on my mother my entire life and a divorce is inevitable…

But following the original event that started this all, my father has been seeing a psychologist, he’s found out he’s a sex addict, this lingering shadow over his head his entire life, has finally been revealed.

all starting when abused as a twelve year child by a woman in his neighbourhood, my father has been unable to control himself.

I will always love my father, no matter what, yes he provided for our family, coached my rugby team, was always there for me and my family, I will never abandon him in his time of need especially when he is completely alone.

But unfortunately, I am now lost, I don’t know what to do, my dearest mother who calls me everyday asks me what to do, asks me for advice, constantly repeats everything, and I know its not her intention, but I feel like its pulling me under, but I’ll stay strong, love makes and helps you do such things.

There’s alot of detail missing from the last few months, so I’m sorry if it sounds scattered, but its just so hard to concentrate on such a thing as this.

On the bright side I think I’ve found someone, but I’ll talk to you about that next time.

Yours genuinely, always loving but a little lost

Alexander Vince

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Can’t Survive On Candy


So I came to the reality I can’t “survive on candy” I will refer to candy as those fairytales, those hopes we hold for certain people, that infatuation that is undeniably seductive and sweet. That small supple frame, her cheeky curves, a body that puts the devils charm to shame, bublegum tongue with each addictive taste leaves you yearning those thorny rose lips that dig closer to your fragile and vulnerable self. Then her every gesture unfathomably innocent and well…. purely… gently, gracefully just nice. She’s independent, a mother who rears her child with great responsibility and amazing amiability, she holds all the qualities that every man should want in a potential spouse. How can I deny myself from such a girl? I have become entranced, I haven’t wasted a thought or a glance on another girl, I am completely captivated by her.
But the best part of it all is I want to change for the good, better myself, stop this selfish rampage drowning myself in a sea of the female lustful reproductive systems, I want to have this devotion to a person.
I really am miserable, I fall “in an alcohol induced love” with a women for the night only to wake up the next morning dreadfully disappointing them and myself to find our lustful conquest useless and a failure to anything that resembled the last night’s deep attraction. I know this isn’t the way to go around establishing a strong foundation for a relationship, but it seems that most of the lonelyhearts are at that bar, that night club, that house party or at that pub, do I yearn for such a connection so desperately I latch myself to a fellow lonely heart for but a grain of that familiar sense of security, contentnes and comfort. Admittedly I do.
I am such a hypocrite, I feel horrible for what I’ve done to these perfectly nice girls and I can use some poor excuse but ultimately I am sorry.

Now back to the original point, do I deserve this girl(or any girl)? Or will I wonder around in this life watching others joys and success such as the family across the street in their cottage like house, the mother playing with her child in the playhouse, the father applying himself to household maintenance in a sweet serene family scene, of what i see as happiness.
I guess time will tell because do I have any other choice but to wait….

Yours the apologetic and troubled sleeper

Alexander Vince

GOD DAMMIT! Why Isn’t It?


Okay so I’ve been attempting to not smoke or well to smoke less. I have succeed with the latter, but that’s exactly why I called it an attempt, I feel no need when I’m with “Missy” unless inebriated… Now I’m here in the lounge room, its 12.55 AM, and I am actually contemplating buying cigarettes, work is filled to the brim with employees that smoke, I would love a drink right now, along with a cigarette. Its such a bad thing, I spent the last two days not smoking at all, even while drinking.

FUCK IT. I’ll be back with a taste of death sticks, and a drink.

* * *

I was going to talk about my weekend of tom foolery but I’ve been following some of the antics that has been going on with the Australian Government’s decision to review the changing of the law to enable for “Gay” marriage, and I’m too encompassed. With the apparent loving of all “god’s” creations; most Christians in Australia are against it, being non-accepting, un-loving of this change, directly going against what it means to be a Christian, which is “accepting of all”. But its not just Christians, its atheists, its everyone else who are part of the minority that is, the majority do not have the right restrict the minority, neither does a minority restrict another minority, why do they choose to do so?

I myself if you haven’t noticed am not religious whatsoever but I still have my beliefs. I believe that yes, let homosexuals marry, yes let them adopt and raise children of their own, yes lets support their right to do so, their right, their freedom, their choice.

Lately its appeared to me that the gravity of many religious, political, social, and ethical groups are taking it in their own hands to take away our freedom, our rights. Taxing cigarettes, hindering the right for homosexuals to get married, taxing alcohol, making it illegal to smoke while sitting outside at a cafe having your coffee, changing to plain packaging of cigarettes, not allowing cigarettes to be on display, crusading against abortions, sex, pornography and every so called “sinful” and apparently “bad” thing, which is slowly getting taken away.

Do you not have the choice?

Do you not take responsibility for your actions?

Do you not have the right?

Is it not your life?

To those groups, and people taking away our choices or restricting our choices!

LiveyourlifeandletmelivemyLifeYouvebeentrolledbyyourbrain

“I don’t want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone if possible – Jew, Gentile, Black Man, White.

We all want to help one another – human beings are like that. We want to live by each other’s happiness, not by each other’s misery. We don’t want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone and the good earth is rich and can provide for everyone – the way of life can be free and beautiful…

Let us fight to free the world. To do away with national barriers. To do away with greed, with hate and intolerance. Let us fight for a world of reason. A world where science and progress will lead to all men’s happiness.”

– Part of the “final speech” from “The Great Dictator” performed by Sir Charlie Chaplin

This is the world I want, this is what I believe in, this is the way it should be and GOD DAMMIT! Why isn’t it?

Yours the hopeful

Alexander Vince

True story

The Morning After


Me in the morning:

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I felt good. I looked alive? Besides the insanely croaky voice i believe this is the best hangover of my life, well without “fun time”… But they were so  generous that they gave me a 10 pack of scotch and cola cans…. I drooled over the cans for a couple of hours, then put them in my bar fridge Open-mouthed smile

BUT GOOD GOD I’m going to have to keep this short, as I’m blogging about Saturday morning and this is the following Wednesday, and yes student night tonight but I’m not going out!

But there is a little shindig at the awesome “Leprena” on campus accommodation, which I’m not living at because i was too cool for them… I wish.. But I’m going to their shindig, again.

So I’ll part with you quickly only to talk about “innocence” not the whole breaking the law innocence, but the sexual “innocence”, ever thought of those times? Well my friends and I sure did! Then my crazy mind came up with “It was all rainbows and butterflies everywhere, now its all cocks and sperm”. Which brought nods of approval all round! Anyway, I have to skadoodle home, to get the scotch and cola Open-mouthed smile

Yours the excited, corrupt and “The Fonz” look a like

Alexander Vince

P.S “shout out to my homies” in Sydney and in England, I miss you all!

The “homies”:

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DMAC, Me, Big Mac, Floyd, Tom, and Kirk.

Me and the boys at the local night club

Alex and me! With big mac..

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The BRUNTON!

Photos of me and my “homies” really messed up:

29102010038 291020100272910201004005112010056 0511201005505112010054me and my best mate doxcy

P.P.S

Messed up eh?

Casino Royale


Thursday 10th of March

Yes Tomorrow(Friday) i will be heading off to the casino, all suited up, ready to kill some.. Oh wait that’s what James Bond does, I’m just going there with my buddies! to get fucked up i guess….

Now its been “grinding my gears” with no alcohol since Wednesday, and yes its been showing; there’s more colour in my face, no bags under my eyes, and no headaches…. But I’ve been told by a few people I‘m actually better when i drink, mmm alcohol doesn’t seem to effect my lifestyle, but it sure brings an almost casual feel to all situations, I guess its the lack of Johnnie Walker in my possession that has created this ramble you’ve been reading, now put up with it Open-mouthed smile 

I’ve been scrounging my money, all week to try and at least have a good time this Friday, meh, what’s the point though, I might as well become the “friendly neighbourhood drug dealer, who facilitates all your illegal chemist needs for bargain prices!” lets see how long I last, but alas I know nobody, well not many people who choose such career prospects in this city of Launceston. But that’s way to cliché a uni student who deals drugs?

Now how else will one get more money! Your probably thinking “get a job! You lazy so and so” well its not like i haven’t been trying? But for now, gardening for my land lady seems alright, and for you dirty minded bastards I’m actual gardening! You have no idea how many times that dirty thought has been raised and in my place I choose not to think that way, even though if it were someone else in my place I would think the same dirty way i always do without a second thought…  Mmm “Great minds think alike” is a statement as true as gravity, or men are more superior to women… Oh just kidding! Smile with tongue out

As for women, its been alright, more study = less ‘fun time’.

Now as for the whole drug thing, there are a lot of people who are against it, and yes i agree it really fucks with people’s heads, and they’re not the same ever again, but experimenting for some is almost like living your life fully, tasting exotic cuisines, or trying every type of the female variety, which seems shallow, but as if you ladies have never wanted to try different ethnicities, such as the stereotyped, well endowed black man, African, or African-American and etc.. Its just finding a niche and working it Smile so experimenting with drugs as i see it from a not so mature personal point of view is okay, but you have to know when to stop, maybe just to try that one time and at least you have that experience, almost like seeing that one in a life time meteor shower, except your seeing shit that isn’t there, drugs in most of my family discussions is made completely and utterly forbidden, if some parents weren’t so strict, their children might not rebel in such ways, but meh not my problem, i try here and there, but nothing that I’ve found addictive, most of the time its an anti-climax filled with washing powder.

ANYWHOOO here’s my clothing attire for Friday night:

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Pimping? Open-mouthed smile

Yours the broke, casino man, James Bond wanna be

Alexander Vince

P.S My land lady’s dog and cat had a Mexican stand off…

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My Whisky


Well not including my glass full, I’m guessing there’s about 200 or so mL’s left in my last birthday bottle of Johnnie Walker Green Label, I have to thank my friends for such an abundance of special alcoholic gifts, as i only had a flask left of my Johnnie Walker Black Label when i got to this frozen dropping of Australia, known as “Tasmania” lovely place though. The thought of no whisky and barely any money to fuel this sweet urine coloured drink leads to my idea of sobriety, forced sobriety. “Yay” to my liver i guess.

 

Getting over people?

Now as of late I’ve noticed a lot of couples accusing each other of a lack of interest or feelings for one another, for example “Omg are you getting over me?” with an angry look while the pussy whipped boyfriend begs her “NO no no no no no waaayyy!”, but if i were him, then fuck yes, that crazy bitch has to go, no way is she giving me the crazy eyes and staying with me! Then there’s the girl with the sincere puppy dog eyes, that is just sooo fucking cute it would make my eyes bleed if i said yes. Now this led me to think, how long does it take to get over an ex or a person?

For me this has been a very long thought of subject, as even I’ve had my delving into the past ex’s, well not quite so literally, some of the time anyway…. What? You can never kill the sweet taste of “after’s sex”… Right?

Its a theory of mine that your not over a person until you literally have no emotional response over the subject of your ex, you do not care whatsoever, because even a “hate” is part of getting over a person, so sorry to those people who think “I hate my ex, he’s an arsehole” or “she’s a bitch” ladidi ladida, its actually a massive tell tale sign of what i call “post-relationship emotional responses” but come on as if you wouldn’t take her or him back, or well at least in the sack? No? Not even on a lonely night and your not taken? If your life depended on it?

Anyway apart from my intense thoughts on ex’s, I have actually had some fun of my own, my first student night/Wednesday night really gave me an insight of the fuck load of fun that happens in this place, a lot of nice people really! Then the Friday night just took me back to square one, the square of disappointment… It was like i was with a virgin, not saying that she is, but a really nice girl though, good sense of humour, apart from the fact that we were both a little plastered and i spent half of bottle of Green label that night ingesting it at an alarming rate, but what confused me even more is that i actually slept naked, and now your thinking “WHAT”, you’ve never slept naked?” no i have, but I’ve never slept naked, drunk and without a course of sexual activities, its strange its like seeing a stoner NOT stoned. That’s not the best part, imagine having her throw up in the morning, and there i am in bed thinking, “well isn’t this the fucking repeat of the virgin Mary” but yes, this is a strange ordeal for me, it was all going well and then BAM, she has a penis…. Just kidding, but seriously its almost like the nose flicking incident, must be the cold weather, or maybe i passed out naked on her bed? Mmmmm…. Thats when remembering seems to come in hand….

Yours the cold and sober one

Alexander Vince

P.s I used to have this almost feminist/sexist follower who actually constantly argued my wrong “doing’s”/“activities” with ex’s it was actually quite nice talking/ arguing/ discussing with her, or maybe him? So pop ever once in a while my friendly Anti-Alexander Vince reader! Smile

Pinky’s Farm


Wednesday the 23rd of February….

So here I’m thinking, Jesus its been a while………

No I’m not praying. I’m surprised at how long its been since my last blog!!!

The last time you’ve heard from me i was a little depraved and of course ashamed, but HEY! I’m on that adventure now! Down in a Tasmanian city called Launceston:
http://maps.google.com.au/maps?hl=en&q=launceston+tasmania&ie=UTF8&hq=&hnear=Launceston+Tasmania&gl=au&ll=-36.031332,153.632813&spn=130.959752,45&z=2

Population of 100,000 people, and so far i only know my land lady, whose 60, and other residents who are around the same age unfortunately. As far as uni goes, its a mish mash of the multicultural experience where i have met only a few people, but hopeful my endeavours of student night tonight, will go far.  Smile

As for my accommodation I’m staying in a colonial house built in the 1840’s and was apparently called “Pinky’s farm” and the first owners, actually owned most of the land outside Launceston city, but apart from that history lesson, its a nice house, but a big fucking nice house Open-mouthed smile

Here’s some pictures of my room! ENJOY!

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Now as for my uni, I’m attending The Australian Maritime College : http://www.amc.edu.au/

Now with my boredom level creeping up slowly, my hopes are held high for this student night tonight!

I haven’t told you about my exciting time since I’ve last “blogged” (hahah still have a strange feeling when saying that), My birthday oh that was a night i wish i completely remembered,  and my boys nights before i left Sydney!

My one and only birthday picture i took:

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Yes… Me in my drunken state thought it’d be funny to take a picture of my vomit, the only part you’d find funny is that i slipped in it on the way back…. Yummy…

As for my birthday i had a little shindig at my place, where i drank myself silly for the afternoon. As for the night me and my mates booked a hotel room in a place called “Cronulla” to which we stumbled in with alcohol induced mischief! Now if the slipping in vomit didn’t make you giggle or at least smile, then imagine me trying to talk to a girl because she was obviously distraught over some fella and then i got flicked on the nose, quite literally flicked on the nose! Now I’ve had a slap or an angry expression but a flick was by far the most amusing rejection I’ve ever had, i nearly fell on the floor laughing at the time!

Now the mischief after involved getting excessively  drunk and topples…. With the mates hahaha

My 20th bday

 

Apart from that, the morning left me something like the morning after my friends and i walked the harbour bridge after the pub… As you can see…

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My mate Floyd “the morning after”…

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The boys night……. Which turned into the boys nights, the Friday and the Saturday, twas alright, enjoyed the Saturday quite a bit Smile with tongue out

Here’s some of the boys and me on the saturday night:

my farewell

Now I shall love you and leave you for next time Smile because I’m off to succumb to my Deprived, Traumatic, Fun!

Yours the hopeful and a year older

Alexander Vince

To Drink A Drink, To Smoke A Smoke, To Fuck The Fucked, Be Cruel To Be Kind, To Live A Life, Without Any Strife.


So its occurred  to me that a partial few people around me, are constantly against my supposed “blackened” morals, as well as me drinking “too much”, smoking “too much” and well fucking “too much”, as well as here we go again being an arsehole “too much”, and according to these judgemental few that doing the dirty deed while intoxicated, and a cigarette in your grasp over and over and over again is a bad thing! Yes i agree cigarettes are a terrible thing causing cancer as well as an abundant amount of diseases, but that is soon to be a thing of the past, I’m going to be a quitter! But sex and alcohol? Come on?? As if i haven’t heard about their intoxicated sexual activities. But oh yes I’m the only one with bad morals. I’m judgemental on certain grounds such  as snobbery and “head up arse people”, but some deserve it, don’t you think? What they don’t seem to acknowledge when looking at other peoples doings, good or bad, theirs are just as bad, if not worse. I think of my doings…. Maybe a little too much at times quite apathetic and depressing really, but i judge myself before others.

As for the arsehole/dickhead thing or even being called a “fuckwit” or told things such as “Oh don’t get me started on what I’ve heard [about you]..” now as for all the gossip girls and guys out there who decide to even threaten or “hurt” my feelings by telling me the things I’ve supposedly done? Come on “what you’ve heard is probably most definitely true, I’m an arsehole, abuser, slut and a user Smile good day!”

Now as for “Without Any Strife” its bitchy’ness, the drama, the downright lack of honesty and trust, Oh its not just women, but men as well, there are drama craving, bitchy, conniving men. Now I’m just thinking to myself “what the fuck has this world come to”. Obviously somebody either lacked or overfed on the milk from their fair mother’s bosom.

Well i guess this new adventure of mine, will turn over something other then just boring hair wrenching frustration. Smile

If this is your first time reading, your probably think “shit, this guy is definitely not a people person” well your mistaken, i actually quite like people, but its the sociopaths and like i said conniving people, who are far too insecure often leading them to hurt their “friends” around them, on purpose. Well who likes those people? You? I wouldn’t think so….

Now as for my day a few days ago, its was wonderful! “Australia day” where you drink to your hearts content and more! As well as showing your Australian patriotism! But unfortunately for a few of my friends, they enjoyed their drink way too much, and wanted to show everybody the contents of their stomach, ahh just fertilizer for the garden right? But as the night went on, it was sleep that i was fond of, at the early time of 3:00 AM!

Yes it was hangover afternoon yesterday, but i saw a hilarious show last night called “A Ladies Guide To Brothels” based in Britain a pair of “older ladies” as well as the WI aka Women’s Institute made up of your friendly British neighbourhood grannies trying to legalize brothels in England, they visit famous brothel cities and states all around the world such as Holland with their window brothels, Nevada and New Zealand and they also visit adult shops, with curiosities’ for certain toys such as the “ass midget” often inquiring as to “i wonder what they use this for”, don’t believe me? hahaha here you are: http://www.cbc.ca/documentaries/passionateeyeshowcase/2008/ladysguide/.

Now i know late night TV is strange and almost erotic especially with all those advertisements about “phone this number and talk to:” “minxy Mary”, “Champagne”, “Licky Lillie”, or even “cocksucker Kate”. Mmmm late night TV is definitely for the lonely, but nothing will beat watching a pair of grannies almost having heart attacks and fits of embarrassment at an adult shop, now that’s entertainment!

Now its 7.46 PM on a Friday here in Sydney, and its going out night Open-mouthed smile So definitely “too much” drinking, no smoking (without crossed fingers) and hopefully the latter Winking smile But most definitely “too much” of an arsehole to those who deserve it Smile

Here is my ode to the night:

We shall drink like we are weary travellers waiting with the parched taste of our dry tongues for the drop of elixir will splash its pungent immortal intoxicating smell throughout our blood driving our insanity flowing through face and tongue.

Our bloodshot weary eyes wander relentlessly at this golden froth topped man drink but unbeknown to our irresponsible minds the next morning will shout us the burden of our hazy night.

Yours the drinking, smoking, fucking, arsehole without strife

Alexander Vince

P.S I’m pretty sure I’ll live my life my way Smile Thankyou, but please stop me if i confuse a woman with an actual transsexual, would be extremely awkward in the morning, I’d rather be lonely that night.

To Be Shipped Off, Or Not To Be Shipped Off?


I’ve got a choice, leave my home, family and friends to further my so called “career prospect”, and go to a university in a completely different state, meeting new people, and having a completely new experience in life or lead a lesser adventure and stay at home, to which my mind slowly goes insane from the lack of change?

Now I’ve been thinking of this for a while, but I’ve always wanted to go and see new places, which would explain my time at Parkes, and Bali, aren’t we all used to the boring day by day same old dribble? What’s happened to enjoying life? What happened to making it an adventure? I think we all get lost at some point, lost in responsibilities and hardship, break free, give yourself a choice, live your life, don’t just “work through it”.

Now I’ll think about it for a little longer, go over the finer details…. But fuck that, I’ll just go and do it!

As for the last few days of my Bali, it was mostly spent by the pool with family, and friends Smile (as you can see)

me with pande bali165547_182263361798006_100000430315391_583056_1635703_n179451_195993533749550_100000167140597_855887_4247102_n167037_10150132191300971_742195970_8556098_5558647_n

me with my aviators bali166631_1760105852574_1536878225_1786496_417825_n168009_489823887404_678227404_5935716_744301_n167765_489823782404_678227404_5935714_5701965_n168106_489824742404_678227404_5935743_7808880_n165747_1760114412788_1536878225_1786567_3411046_n

Oh and this picture from NYE

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Yes that’s me on the podium…. lovely hahaha

Yours the podium dancer

Alexander Vince

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