Lust, Inevitably Leads To Loneliness Or Something Like That.

My Life Stories, From the highest to the lowest, and the grey area crap inbetween that forms my life so far…

Archive for the tag “relationship”

I Know


It’s 4 am, cold, windy and dark, with but this beer and cigarette keeping me company.
I should sleep but I want to write, I want to show you, I want to prove to you I’m not all sluttery, I’m not all disgrace and I won’t drown myself in my flailing failure of my morals. I will be better for you, my missing person, I will find you one day. I know I will, I am out every night staring at the dark sky waiting for a shooting star, using each and every one wishing for you.
You who’ll feel, smell and taste like home. Wherever you may be I hope you know, it shall be.

Yours the sweetly hopeful certain

Alexander Vince

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Just Smile.


The amazing yet scarred girls, ruined long before meeting me, seem to be my specialty. I get them, I try to understand and give support, not too much, but each time they slip through my fingers. Yep I can feel it happening again, they all drift away, eventually. But I’m not whining, this happens, a healthy relationship consists of two people’s choices, not one, yet still disappointing, at least I’m seeing this coming right?

Its been found in studies that the most creative of people find it easier, as well as produce some of the most amazing well known pieces when they’re in  negative states of mind. For example Charles Bukowski, his poetry, short stories, novels all surrounded the average lives of poor Americans, the act of writing, alcohol, relationships with women and the drudgery of work. Times magazine even described Bukowski as the “laureate of American lowlife”. Its as if Bukowski sacrificed happiness for this unmatched writing that has left behind a legacy of creative genius.

Learning of this apparent connection, I find myself realising that I only really write when I’m not feeling too happy with myself.

There’s only one thing I can focus on (besides the obvious uni, work, etc, etc) and that is being truthful to myself, expect less of others and appreciate more. I hate losing like everyone else does and quoting The Rolling Stones “You cannot always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need”

Now to talk this amazing girl and be told what I already know.

Yours sincerely the for once realist but learning just to smile

Alexander Vince

P.S I know I don’t deserve her. I’ve realised that.

I Guess Its Like Rehab


I’m feeling good, happy, free I guess.

There’s been a lot of thinking over the past month, a lot of anger, frustration, regret, and a fucking stupid amount of things going through my head.

Its like rehab but the cold sweats in the middle of the night replaced with awful dreams, the shakes with constant reminders of her, and that addiction silently talking to you swapped with the constant never ending thoughts poking and teasing you of the past.
But I’m not going to say I was in pain throughout my last relationship, most of it was good and great times, but I need my time of freedom, to take a step back and look at everything and do everything that I want to. Without having to rely or be supported by anyone else therefore not experiencing the frustrations of disappointments when things fall through.
I’ve got myself, yeah sure loneliness is a problem I’ve got to face, but we all have to at some point.

I’m aiming at self reliance, defining, bettering and getting to know myself.
Okay now that’s enough about the pain, the change. Now to tell you what I’ve done for the relief, its fun… fun… and yes fun!

Which includes:

– Alcohol

– Smoking (stopping atm… again)

– A string of girls

– Took a lesbian home (yes that even surprised me)

– An unbelievable amount of training at the gym

–  Spending money (oh you all know it feels good)

– Just concentrating on Uni (perhaps not the most uplifting experience, but it takes your mind of things)

So I guess I’m going to have to tell you the lesbian story, well lets just say my mind wasn’t “there” my middle member controlled everything, I know its not very tasteful to do so but there’s an evolutionary theory why we(men) are the way we are, being “sex-crazed” to ensure the continuation of our lineage, but of course this theory or function is obsolete in our modern age society and is probably the most often used criticism by our female counterparts, personally I don’t see anything wrong with having a healthy sex life, just use a rubber, a dom, protection, sheepskin, bag, happy hat, jimmy cap, nodder, raincoat, or a glove. You know what I mean right?
No? Really?
Okay… Here’s something that will spark that light bulb of yours:

– No glove, no love.

– Don’t be silly, wrap you willy.

– Don’t be a fool, wrap your tool.

– Don’t be a ding-dong, cover you shling-shlong.

– Don’t be a wenis, protect you penis.

– If there’s gunna be affection, cover your erection.

– If your gunna banger, cover your wanger.

– There only a buck, get one before you fuck.

– If you think she’s spunky, cover your monkey.

– If you slip between her thighs, condomize.

– While your undressing Venus, dress up your penis.

– If you think she’ll sigh, cover old one eye.

– Avoid a frown, contain your clown.

– Cage that snake then shake and bake.

– Cover your vein then drive her insane.

– Wrap that Steed then trample her weeds.

Alright did you get it? Ahhh the last horse crosses the finish line…
Well anyway where was I? Oh yes I was pretty much doing the mating dance ritual with a girl on the dance floor, I had her pushing up against me, grabbing my ass, which really I kind of fancied, swapping roles a Little? Hahah then there was confusing she was 29 years old, my gay friend had a huge go(long story) but apparently the girl was “rank” like every other girl he’d commented on, well that’s a frustrated gay guy for you, but in the confusion he introduced me to this other girl, and in a drunken manner I quickly zoned in on an intense conversation with a Trinity looking girl from the matrix, lets call her that shall we! So got to my place, she wildly took my clothes off, ripped hers off in a flurry of tongue curling, griping, nail scratching, teeth biting, pelvis clenching magnificence. Then there it was….

SOOO MUCH BUSH!

Oh yeah it was there “BAM” she had so much, so much pride in herself, no stupid self image issues, that was HOT, yeah sure bush isn’t my thing even in politics but the self-confidence, the roar of Independence and beauty of being able to stand right in front of me, completely nude and vulnerable to sight and judgement without wincing. Yep WOW. I’ve always been able to walk around naked, it hasn’t bothered me, but most of my girlfriends have been so self-conscious, that its actually a let down, and most of the time such a joke because they’re all so beautiful, that I can’t help but laugh at the unfathomable reason of why they are that way, in reality they have nothing to worry about.
But anyway the Bush didn’t end there, there was a little bit of hair in the underarm, and I’m thinking yeah sure not what I’m used to but what the hell, then after the heightened intense super fun time, we talked, she’s mainly had girlfriends and hadn’t been with a guy in over 5 years. I felt privileged I must admit!

I felt dominated that night, as if she was the lioness and I was her prey, and oh I LOVED IT!

Well that’s enough of fun for one early morning 🙂

Yours the free, the conqueror, the happy and the rehabilitated

Alexander Vince

KEEP CHIPPER! 😀

Age Really Doesn’t Matter Now Does It?


So my lovely followers of sorts, I know I’ve missed you too!

I know its a short greeting but this is how I’ve been feeling.
I’ve been repeatedly making a quick and sweet contact with a wall, using my head ofcourse!
I have been experiencing a complete mobocracy(a lovely word for an utter state of confusion), thats right! Girl problems!
I’ve scrambled and sieved through every “micro-millimeter” of memory, thought and reason as to why my girlfriend is experiencing this state of precariousness and unnaffection, ofcourse wanting to have “some time” by herself(even thought she’s had alot of that for the past few weeks due to uni), not explaining the issue or issues, not looking at me for support which I’ve pretty much done from the beggining!

Talking about begginings, it was her telling me “I don’t want to play any of these stupid mind games” and further telling me she wants a serious relationship with truthfullness, no bullshit further pointing out how terrible her last relationship was, I agreed and now I look back, I have to say I’m truthfully confused about this bullshit.

So after not seeing her for the week, due to her University degree’s supervised nursing practice based two hours away, I went to her house after work on the friday night and she greeted me with unnaffection, no hugs, no kisses. At this point I was completely unaware that my confusion at the time was completely belittled to what I feel now. I ask if everything’s alright, and yeah “apparently” it was.

Then after no contact all day and night, Sunday around noon I recieve a text apologising for being “stand offish” and that she needs time by herself after everything that’s been going on and that she’s not in a good place. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? PLEASE FOR THE SAKE OF MY SANITY TELL ME INSTEAD OF SAYING THAT AND NOT TALKING TO ME FOR THE REST OF THE DAY! FUCK. Sorry I’ve got alot of counted sheep owed to this girl. She’s actually put me in a bad “place”. I thought its been fine up untill the last week or so.
Now I don’t understand why she questions my maturity, telling me via text instead of in person? not replying? expecting me to wait on hand and foot without knowing anything, it make me feel meaningless and unwanted its torturous! I’d rather be told, good or bad, why.

I may only be 21, but considering what’s happened, 25 or 18, age really doesn’t matter now does it?

Yours the justifiably disapointed

Alexander Vince

“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”  Robert A. Heinlein

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