So my lovely followers of sorts, I know I’ve missed you too!
I know its a short greeting but this is how I’ve been feeling.
I’ve been repeatedly making a quick and sweet contact with a wall, using my head ofcourse!
I have been experiencing a complete mobocracy(a lovely word for an utter state of confusion), thats right! Girl problems!
I’ve scrambled and sieved through every “micro-millimeter” of memory, thought and reason as to why my girlfriend is experiencing this state of precariousness and unnaffection, ofcourse wanting to have “some time” by herself(even thought she’s had alot of that for the past few weeks due to uni), not explaining the issue or issues, not looking at me for support which I’ve pretty much done from the beggining!
Talking about begginings, it was her telling me “I don’t want to play any of these stupid mind games” and further telling me she wants a serious relationship with truthfullness, no bullshit further pointing out how terrible her last relationship was, I agreed and now I look back, I have to say I’m truthfully confused about this bullshit.
So after not seeing her for the week, due to her University degree’s supervised nursing practice based two hours away, I went to her house after work on the friday night and she greeted me with unnaffection, no hugs, no kisses. At this point I was completely unaware that my confusion at the time was completely belittled to what I feel now. I ask if everything’s alright, and yeah “apparently” it was.
Then after no contact all day and night, Sunday around noon I recieve a text apologising for being “stand offish” and that she needs time by herself after everything that’s been going on and that she’s not in a good place. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? PLEASE FOR THE SAKE OF MY SANITY TELL ME INSTEAD OF SAYING THAT AND NOT TALKING TO ME FOR THE REST OF THE DAY! FUCK. Sorry I’ve got alot of counted sheep owed to this girl. She’s actually put me in a bad “place”. I thought its been fine up untill the last week or so.
Now I don’t understand why she questions my maturity, telling me via text instead of in person? not replying? expecting me to wait on hand and foot without knowing anything, it make me feel meaningless and unwanted its torturous! I’d rather be told, good or bad, why.
I may only be 21, but considering what’s happened, 25 or 18, age really doesn’t matter now does it?
Yours the justifiably disapointed
“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” Robert A. Heinlein