Lust, Inevitably Leads To Loneliness Or Something Like That.

My Life Stories, From the highest to the lowest, and the grey area crap inbetween that forms my life so far…

Archive for the tag “lust”

Well.


Okay.
I have been punished over, over and over again, for every mishap every one night stand that began with truth of loneliness and ended in mornings of there lack of.
I don’t want to tell you lies, I don’t even want to make myself look a little better, I have nothing to hide. I am blatantly and fully fucked.
I can persuade most strangers to share my bed for a night of no strings attached, ruthless, both drunken and sober sex but a person I genuinely share feelings with  I am handicapped by my unrelenting urges to show such caring affection for any girl that is currently in my question.
You may see this as romantic, but it haunts me, I cannot let go and be my complete self without losing.
They all leave, and no I am not what you call ugly or fat, I am not what you would call stupid, yes I may joke around a lot but at the end of the day, I cannot see the outliers of my own personality that makes such amazing women flee after a month or 6. Besides one, I am too nice, caring, affectionate, I put these women before myself, its a lesson I should have learnt long ago, but I always thought being yourself would lead to a full loving relationship that would outshine all the rest, but I’m finished coming second, I’m finished giving.

I think I have stopped caring.

Anyway besides that, yes it fell through with another lady, great sex, amazing sex really.
A few days after that fell through I found myself in the arms of another and a blowjob that…. well… was amazing, pure bliss, like angel with me in her mouth.

Anyhow I’m back, I won’t be lazy and let you down, my fans, well what are left.

Goodnight
Alexander Vince

Advertisements

Lust Inevitably Is Loneliness, I Know That Now.


Over my life I have experienced a journey, and I’m thankful, I really am.

But these last few months have been hard. From enjoying the life my parents gave me, and the seductive lifestyle of youth and carnage of naive pubescent sexual desire, I didn’t see anything wrong until I started losing a grip on who I was as a person, I flung myself through women, university, work, without taking anything seriously, yet I had a tight hold on my fun, partying and of course cigarettes. Two days after last years Christmas, I had my work induction to my new job, I had moved down to Hobart and I accepted a job in the Wrest Point Casino as yes a bartender 🙂 It was fantastic, everything was coming together, a great job with a great paycheck and for over a month I had solidly kept to my own pact of no sexual encounters until I found love.

A few weeks earlier I had previously been promised a job at an Irish pub, but was soon disappointed with the brutality of reality, horrid management and was rejected completely without an apology, it wasn’t going to be that easy in this new city. Eating plenty of cheap canned food and smoking terribly cheap cigarettes, a downed decrepit condition of living really just to save money I was soon to run out of. Suddenly though  two weeks later and three job interviews, I had my options of being a porter at a prestigious hotel(The Henry Jones Art Hotel), a kitchen hand at the Royal Tasmanian Yacht Club and a bartender at a casino with multiple bars and plenty of hours, choosing wisely I accepted the job at the casino. On this day my induction to my new job was a day I will not forget easily, arriving to the car after finding out all the nooks and crannies of my wonderful new workplace. My dear little sister who had only celebrated her 14th birthday over a month and half ago, had called me repeatedly, and left me several messages to call her urgently, sitting in the car on a suddenly, dawning dark day. I called her only find out she has been walking the streets of my old family neighbourhood in Sydney distraught with the news of my fathers infidelity, with some woman he worked with in Brisbane, after organizing my friends in Sydney to pick up my little sister and take her to their mothers house to make sure she was okay, I called my parents…

Through fits of screaming rage, throwing office chairs down the stairs and ghastly fits of anguish I was able to persuade my father to leave the house with some belongings, I couldn’t talk to my mother, she was attuned and driven to an almost rabid insane outburst of absolute pure wrath saying if she had “a gun or a knife” she would have killed my father.

It was over the next few days that my mother had calmed down, my father gave way to truth and had told both my mother and I that he had been paying for prostitutes for the entirety of the last year…

Now think, your own father, who you thought to be the working family man, who had your highest honour and pride, who had managed and coached your rugby team, who had always been there when you were in trouble, who had all the answers, who guided and taught you right from wrong, who you looked up to and idolized, single handedly proved you wrong…. No destroyed all your beliefs of him. What stops you from believing everything that was right about your father is in reality false.

I cannot fathom his decisions to do such things.

This event cracked the foundation of our family. But the with family second chances aren’t just deserving, they are a given, otherwise you would always question what if but for most of its for love.

But it wasn’t up to the rest of our immediate family or even me, it was my mother and her big full heart, she was and I do believe, will always be in love my father. They went through marriage counseling over the last couple months to decide whether they could work it out or civilly part ways.

I visited my family for my older sister’s engagement party for a weekend, it was amazing, my parents were the happiest I’d seen them in years, like school children in fact, I, as was everyone else were truly looking forward to overcoming this dark cloud.

A week after my great weekend of celebration, I had worked a ten hour shift at the casino till early in the morning, and sleeping it off, I woke up to more urgent phone calls…..

My father who was too afraid to tell my mother about several other affairs when he had the chance during the couples counseling, had been caught when my mother had accidentally found an email recently sent by my father to an ex-mistress, he then had no choice but to tell the entire truth for the last time, my father had been cheating on my mother my entire life and a divorce is inevitable…

But following the original event that started this all, my father has been seeing a psychologist, he’s found out he’s a sex addict, this lingering shadow over his head his entire life, has finally been revealed.

all starting when abused as a twelve year child by a woman in his neighbourhood, my father has been unable to control himself.

I will always love my father, no matter what, yes he provided for our family, coached my rugby team, was always there for me and my family, I will never abandon him in his time of need especially when he is completely alone.

But unfortunately, I am now lost, I don’t know what to do, my dearest mother who calls me everyday asks me what to do, asks me for advice, constantly repeats everything, and I know its not her intention, but I feel like its pulling me under, but I’ll stay strong, love makes and helps you do such things.

There’s alot of detail missing from the last few months, so I’m sorry if it sounds scattered, but its just so hard to concentrate on such a thing as this.

On the bright side I think I’ve found someone, but I’ll talk to you about that next time.

Yours genuinely, always loving but a little lost

Alexander Vince

Can’t Survive On Candy


So I came to the reality I can’t “survive on candy” I will refer to candy as those fairytales, those hopes we hold for certain people, that infatuation that is undeniably seductive and sweet. That small supple frame, her cheeky curves, a body that puts the devils charm to shame, bublegum tongue with each addictive taste leaves you yearning those thorny rose lips that dig closer to your fragile and vulnerable self. Then her every gesture unfathomably innocent and well…. purely… gently, gracefully just nice. She’s independent, a mother who rears her child with great responsibility and amazing amiability, she holds all the qualities that every man should want in a potential spouse. How can I deny myself from such a girl? I have become entranced, I haven’t wasted a thought or a glance on another girl, I am completely captivated by her.
But the best part of it all is I want to change for the good, better myself, stop this selfish rampage drowning myself in a sea of the female lustful reproductive systems, I want to have this devotion to a person.
I really am miserable, I fall “in an alcohol induced love” with a women for the night only to wake up the next morning dreadfully disappointing them and myself to find our lustful conquest useless and a failure to anything that resembled the last night’s deep attraction. I know this isn’t the way to go around establishing a strong foundation for a relationship, but it seems that most of the lonelyhearts are at that bar, that night club, that house party or at that pub, do I yearn for such a connection so desperately I latch myself to a fellow lonely heart for but a grain of that familiar sense of security, contentnes and comfort. Admittedly I do.
I am such a hypocrite, I feel horrible for what I’ve done to these perfectly nice girls and I can use some poor excuse but ultimately I am sorry.

Now back to the original point, do I deserve this girl(or any girl)? Or will I wonder around in this life watching others joys and success such as the family across the street in their cottage like house, the mother playing with her child in the playhouse, the father applying himself to household maintenance in a sweet serene family scene, of what i see as happiness.
I guess time will tell because do I have any other choice but to wait….

Yours the apologetic and troubled sleeper

Alexander Vince

A Smile


So to end another weekend of  bright sunshine, joyous, coffee, cigarettes, drinking, brilliance and work i had a highlight, it was on the Sunday night, I had a date with a beautiful blonde (lets call her Missy). At a nice restaurant called “Silt” accompanied with a bottle of champagne, our conversations were  never ending! Working its way into our precious history as children, adolescents, and adults as well our families past and how we came to be comparing each others colourful lives with interest and admiration, so practically I came to find and cement my thoughts of the things that makes this particular “Missy” special. What many find an average dinner date of entree’s, a main course and a dessert, this was far beyond my expectations, so much better in fact, to have a date go so nice and smoothly, even if we were partially inebriated following a distinct straight mix of port, limes, Cointreau and liqueur. I was supremely happy and for once i felt obligated AND willing to pay the bill, which was Pittance for such a splendorous, joyful night, I don’t think I’ve ever felt such a connection on a first date, not one just of lust but when you see that one sparkle that shows its potential for something that can be the star burning bright, along with your excited caffeinated butterflies in your stomach, it does bring a smile to your face.

Our night didn’t end there, home I didn’t go until the morning’s light and let’s just say we “rocked the casbah”. I took comfort in her company and her ridiculously comfortable bed, waking up to her aqua blue eyes and the highlight for my weekend a smile.

Yours the all round happy

Alexander Vince

 

P.s Me before my date: A haircut and HOORAY a weight off my head!

Picture of me before my date

Its Been A While…..


1st of July 2011

Wow time flies, maybe not with wings, although the hour/minute arms look like wings, especially when its 9:15 Pm (yes I’m talking about a clock, I’m a bit different okay! Its called being unique!). Anyhow its Friday the 1st of July, its uni holidays and my life has vastly made itself even bigger, more complex and amazing as each second goes by. I apologize for my absolute laziness in writing my posts but how exciting would my life be if it didn’t take precedence or charge over my writing? (Even if it took over completely)

I don’t know whether i could even release it in chapters as so much has happened over the past months, that i could probably write a book. But you’ll be getting the shortened version, only the exciting bits of course!

I’ve been back up to Sydney, visited family and friends, and drank way too much! (I’ll show you some pictures!)

My best mate from Sydney came down with me to see the lime light of Launceston…(Which shall be talked of in the next post)

And oh did he have fun…. You’ll have to find out Winking smile

By the way I’m a hundred percent sober, since Wednesday night/early hours of Thursday and I’m currently once again cleansing myself of smoking. Yes I know its Friday, but you have to start somewhere right! Lowered drinking levels, and a complete stop to smoking! Smile

I’m also considering moving houses.

On the list of things to do….

THE LIST OF THINGS TO DO Surprised smile

– UNI(always first Winking smile )

– Write a story about a beautiful red dragon and an attractive blue dragon Winking smile(Still

working on the title and most of the story, as its still on going)

– Save money(for a rainy day)

– Move out of this place(long story)

– Still enjoy ones self Open-mouthed smile (pretty self explanatory)

But there are a many things i wish to talk about today, mainly sex, but also my girlfriend, yes that’s right girlfriend!

My previous post about the girl i met is indeed about my current girlfriend, Mars has finally met Venus, and damn its good! Pretty much 4 months in a couple of weeks Surprised smile She has such a lust for life it almost makes her so sick it would keep her bedridden for days, so things were pretty rocky to begin with, but now on the relationship front it seems pretty good! Hi 5 anyone?

photo077

Anyway time for sex talk!

I’ve had a many conversations with friends about the opposite sex, especially when your on your guys night out, and there’s an absolutely “drop dead gorgeous” girl wearing a skimpy, tight fitted, shiny, and extremely revealing dress, and many guys would roll around on the ground like a puppy dog, or attach a leash to themselves to hand to her, just to hope to have sex with her…. Multiple times…. But it seems like a massive annoyance to ourselves that us men, crave sex, all the time, and its worse then you think. (a guys point of view) From when you lose your virginity, its an addiction, which goes with the saying “once you pop you can’t stop” some may not feel the same way, but the majority do. Everyone has their addictions smoking, narcotics, alcohol, etc, and etc, but the stereotypical female thinking that all men want is sex, isn’t completely true, as much as I’d love to have it every hour of every day I can do without! Even though I get twitchy…. I read a story about a guy so wound up about sex, he chopped his own penis off, still didn’t fix the problem but still sounds fucked up.  Yes this is probably an extreme case of addiction or mostly some kind of insanity and isn’t quite as regular, but maybe most of us men have a “softcore” addiction to sex, or just maybe its our evolutionary instincts, as quoted by Famous Irish comedian/actor Dylan Moran “The race must continue! The race must continue!”, its also known that in the past, the male was supposed to “spread his seed” as much as possible so his lineage will continue, so where does this leave guys who are continually under scrutiny from woman. SEXIST AGAINST MEN! I THINK SO Smile with tongue out  Narr, I’m just kidding, but hopefully if a woman, or a girl is reading this and realises that there’s a reason to our “addiction” or our yearning to sex you up, you will be more understanding and you should actually take it as a compliment as they are genuinely attracted to you. Besides many “Girls feel the need to love to have sex, but guys feel the need to have sex to love.” that’s right, so moral of the story is, we’re all fucked up, so lets just have sex. Just kidding haha

OH AND P.S ON THIS STORY, If you are actually and completely terrible at sex, its called “PORN” its good research material, which is why we watched it when we were teenagers in the midst of beginning our sex lives. AND PLEASE ATLEAST TRY, AND I MEAN GENUINELY TRY TO GET HER OFF, OTHERWISE YOUR A GREEDY SELFISH BASTARD. AND AND…. I’m kinda embarrassed to say I’m pumped for the new Harry Potter movie, does anybody else think Hermione’s hot? I JUST CAN’T WAIT FOR ALL THE HARRY POTTER FANATICS TO TURN INTO AIMLESS ZOMBIES AFTER ITS RELEASE, It’ll be like “ZombieLand” or “Dawn Of The Dead”, THE ANTICIPATION IS KILLING ME! haha.

Well that’s enough for tonight…

I’m off to my girlfriends house Smile

Yours the addicted  and the fallen

Alexander Vince

Pictures!

17062011348Yes its a top hat Open-mouthed smile

18062011350Me and my mate Adam, at The Oatley Hotel… In Oatley….

18062011352Cheeese!

18062011397TOP HAT!

 19062011423MUGSHOT!

19062011429CAMERA PHONE BATTLE!

 19062011434TOM!

19062011437WITH A CAMERA PHONE!

19062011422KIRK!

19062011438TOM WITH HIS CAMERA PHONE! AGAIN!

21062011441My pet Monty, he’s a homie!

23062011452Morning i was leaving Sad smile

23062011454 The bottle of wine me and Adam drank before I got on the plane to Tasmania Smile

Where Do You Draw The Line?


So as an adult there are certain things expected of me, both responsibility, as well as having the wisdom to deal with situations appropriately. Well of course these things come with time and experience, but burning yourself out because there is a lack of rush an excitement takes its toll, but with taking that toll, the boring and dull day to day becomes more aggravating and unbearable, but where do you stop and think what am I doing? Slowly killing one self with the destructive after effects of alcoholism, only to end the night in the bed of another?

Jesus it seems all so meaningless all of a sudden, where do you draw the line? I believe this alcoholism and addiction to the ideals of casual sex is corrupting both my generation and the youth to follow, I used to believe in the excitement of the chase and the catch, being seen as something worthy among friends and others, but now its meaningless with a self loathing catchy name as a man whore or player, it almost makes me feel hollow, have you ever thought about all those relationships that didn’t work and the “what if’s”?

It’s a deadly cycle of being interested in someone yet that interest failing as quickly as it came often leading me to realize that I’m not quite available as I was the night before, and then she’s gone leaving another road not taken, her leap of faith wasted, and another “what if”?

That responsibility and wisdom better come damn fast, because I’m not liking this self purgatory anymore.

Yours the irresponsible and unwise

Alexander Vince

me

To Drink A Drink, To Smoke A Smoke, To Fuck The Fucked, Be Cruel To Be Kind, To Live A Life, Without Any Strife.


So its occurred  to me that a partial few people around me, are constantly against my supposed “blackened” morals, as well as me drinking “too much”, smoking “too much” and well fucking “too much”, as well as here we go again being an arsehole “too much”, and according to these judgemental few that doing the dirty deed while intoxicated, and a cigarette in your grasp over and over and over again is a bad thing! Yes i agree cigarettes are a terrible thing causing cancer as well as an abundant amount of diseases, but that is soon to be a thing of the past, I’m going to be a quitter! But sex and alcohol? Come on?? As if i haven’t heard about their intoxicated sexual activities. But oh yes I’m the only one with bad morals. I’m judgemental on certain grounds such  as snobbery and “head up arse people”, but some deserve it, don’t you think? What they don’t seem to acknowledge when looking at other peoples doings, good or bad, theirs are just as bad, if not worse. I think of my doings…. Maybe a little too much at times quite apathetic and depressing really, but i judge myself before others.

As for the arsehole/dickhead thing or even being called a “fuckwit” or told things such as “Oh don’t get me started on what I’ve heard [about you]..” now as for all the gossip girls and guys out there who decide to even threaten or “hurt” my feelings by telling me the things I’ve supposedly done? Come on “what you’ve heard is probably most definitely true, I’m an arsehole, abuser, slut and a user Smile good day!”

Now as for “Without Any Strife” its bitchy’ness, the drama, the downright lack of honesty and trust, Oh its not just women, but men as well, there are drama craving, bitchy, conniving men. Now I’m just thinking to myself “what the fuck has this world come to”. Obviously somebody either lacked or overfed on the milk from their fair mother’s bosom.

Well i guess this new adventure of mine, will turn over something other then just boring hair wrenching frustration. Smile

If this is your first time reading, your probably think “shit, this guy is definitely not a people person” well your mistaken, i actually quite like people, but its the sociopaths and like i said conniving people, who are far too insecure often leading them to hurt their “friends” around them, on purpose. Well who likes those people? You? I wouldn’t think so….

Now as for my day a few days ago, its was wonderful! “Australia day” where you drink to your hearts content and more! As well as showing your Australian patriotism! But unfortunately for a few of my friends, they enjoyed their drink way too much, and wanted to show everybody the contents of their stomach, ahh just fertilizer for the garden right? But as the night went on, it was sleep that i was fond of, at the early time of 3:00 AM!

Yes it was hangover afternoon yesterday, but i saw a hilarious show last night called “A Ladies Guide To Brothels” based in Britain a pair of “older ladies” as well as the WI aka Women’s Institute made up of your friendly British neighbourhood grannies trying to legalize brothels in England, they visit famous brothel cities and states all around the world such as Holland with their window brothels, Nevada and New Zealand and they also visit adult shops, with curiosities’ for certain toys such as the “ass midget” often inquiring as to “i wonder what they use this for”, don’t believe me? hahaha here you are: http://www.cbc.ca/documentaries/passionateeyeshowcase/2008/ladysguide/.

Now i know late night TV is strange and almost erotic especially with all those advertisements about “phone this number and talk to:” “minxy Mary”, “Champagne”, “Licky Lillie”, or even “cocksucker Kate”. Mmmm late night TV is definitely for the lonely, but nothing will beat watching a pair of grannies almost having heart attacks and fits of embarrassment at an adult shop, now that’s entertainment!

Now its 7.46 PM on a Friday here in Sydney, and its going out night Open-mouthed smile So definitely “too much” drinking, no smoking (without crossed fingers) and hopefully the latter Winking smile But most definitely “too much” of an arsehole to those who deserve it Smile

Here is my ode to the night:

We shall drink like we are weary travellers waiting with the parched taste of our dry tongues for the drop of elixir will splash its pungent immortal intoxicating smell throughout our blood driving our insanity flowing through face and tongue.

Our bloodshot weary eyes wander relentlessly at this golden froth topped man drink but unbeknown to our irresponsible minds the next morning will shout us the burden of our hazy night.

Yours the drinking, smoking, fucking, arsehole without strife

Alexander Vince

P.S I’m pretty sure I’ll live my life my way Smile Thankyou, but please stop me if i confuse a woman with an actual transsexual, would be extremely awkward in the morning, I’d rather be lonely that night.

Shit happens so get used to it.


After an hour of clipping photos together into a massive collage for my desktop, on my colourful laptop, and seeing the end result, a sense of happiness appeared, out of nowhere, one which i haven’t experienced for a while, which made me think, hey fuck it i am utterly disorganised why stick to a plan? Have you ever planned to plan?

So i think my past should stay the past, i will let you in on my life as it goes, and when the time suits i will tell you a story or five hundred…

Many of you would have to agree, “shit happens”, except there is a minority which have the advantage of ignorance, and i would have to agree “ignorance is bliss”.

Yet ignorance doesn’t help when your foreskin tears, and you have never bled so much in your life. I know what your thinking, it would be along the lines of “What the fuck”, well I’ll spare you of the pleasantries, but i have to admit, even though i was looking at the pool of blood on the bed, as well as the ever so bleeding phallus of mine, and blood soaked hands, i wasn’t so bothered, i believe the lovely girl in question was more so bothered, and quite apologetic… but to be honest, i rather myself quite happy to be in company of such a beautiful young lady. which is why the title of this blog relates to this story so much, shit definitely happened, and i definitely got used to it(especially the pain, and blue balls that accompanied it).

Now its 3.20 am on a Tuesday morning, another sleepless night i must say, but tonight, i have talked much of life, death, and love, with a long known friend and lover. Where she has both loved and lost family and friends, she has but surrendered hope even when it nears Christmas, this is when during our long and devoted conversation a question occurred. “Have you ever thought in the end whose eyes will you last be looking into before you move on?” I have to admit i was stumped, i don’t think anybody can tell you that, nor can you tell yourself, but i have to say when my loving grandfather passed away, it was his loyal and loving wife my nan, that was at his side, hopefully the last person he saw before he finally retired his shining armour.

Now i do believe my post tonight has become momentarily a little down, but with an amazing life comes death, and sometimes you just have to get “used to it” to put it bluntly, not to say you shouldn’t mourn, but i am extremely definantly sure that the person you mourn would never want you to be so unhappy.

On a happier note with only a few more days left, i do believe Parkes has shown me a wonderful group of people, a definite time well spent, and has changed me for the better.

Now i leave you with a statement which i hope you try to decipher to mean something, for example “ignorance”, “stupidity” and so forth, but say your reasons why..

“i see said the blind man, to the deaf man”

Yours who got used to it and still trying,

Alexander Vince

Post Navigation

%d bloggers like this: