Lust, Inevitably Leads To Loneliness Or Something Like That.

My Life Stories, From the highest to the lowest, and the grey area crap inbetween that forms my life so far…

Archive for the tag “experience”

I Guess Its Like Rehab


I’m feeling good, happy, free I guess.

There’s been a lot of thinking over the past month, a lot of anger, frustration, regret, and a fucking stupid amount of things going through my head.

Its like rehab but the cold sweats in the middle of the night replaced with awful dreams, the shakes with constant reminders of her, and that addiction silently talking to you swapped with the constant never ending thoughts poking and teasing you of the past.
But I’m not going to say I was in pain throughout my last relationship, most of it was good and great times, but I need my time of freedom, to take a step back and look at everything and do everything that I want to. Without having to rely or be supported by anyone else therefore not experiencing the frustrations of disappointments when things fall through.
I’ve got myself, yeah sure loneliness is a problem I’ve got to face, but we all have to at some point.

I’m aiming at self reliance, defining, bettering and getting to know myself.
Okay now that’s enough about the pain, the change. Now to tell you what I’ve done for the relief, its fun… fun… and yes fun!

Which includes:

– Alcohol

– Smoking (stopping atm… again)

– A string of girls

– Took a lesbian home (yes that even surprised me)

– An unbelievable amount of training at the gym

–  Spending money (oh you all know it feels good)

– Just concentrating on Uni (perhaps not the most uplifting experience, but it takes your mind of things)

So I guess I’m going to have to tell you the lesbian story, well lets just say my mind wasn’t “there” my middle member controlled everything, I know its not very tasteful to do so but there’s an evolutionary theory why we(men) are the way we are, being “sex-crazed” to ensure the continuation of our lineage, but of course this theory or function is obsolete in our modern age society and is probably the most often used criticism by our female counterparts, personally I don’t see anything wrong with having a healthy sex life, just use a rubber, a dom, protection, sheepskin, bag, happy hat, jimmy cap, nodder, raincoat, or a glove. You know what I mean right?
No? Really?
Okay… Here’s something that will spark that light bulb of yours:

– No glove, no love.

– Don’t be silly, wrap you willy.

– Don’t be a fool, wrap your tool.

– Don’t be a ding-dong, cover you shling-shlong.

– Don’t be a wenis, protect you penis.

– If there’s gunna be affection, cover your erection.

– If your gunna banger, cover your wanger.

– There only a buck, get one before you fuck.

– If you think she’s spunky, cover your monkey.

– If you slip between her thighs, condomize.

– While your undressing Venus, dress up your penis.

– If you think she’ll sigh, cover old one eye.

– Avoid a frown, contain your clown.

– Cage that snake then shake and bake.

– Cover your vein then drive her insane.

– Wrap that Steed then trample her weeds.

Alright did you get it? Ahhh the last horse crosses the finish line…
Well anyway where was I? Oh yes I was pretty much doing the mating dance ritual with a girl on the dance floor, I had her pushing up against me, grabbing my ass, which really I kind of fancied, swapping roles a Little? Hahah then there was confusing she was 29 years old, my gay friend had a huge go(long story) but apparently the girl was “rank” like every other girl he’d commented on, well that’s a frustrated gay guy for you, but in the confusion he introduced me to this other girl, and in a drunken manner I quickly zoned in on an intense conversation with a Trinity looking girl from the matrix, lets call her that shall we! So got to my place, she wildly took my clothes off, ripped hers off in a flurry of tongue curling, griping, nail scratching, teeth biting, pelvis clenching magnificence. Then there it was….

SOOO MUCH BUSH!

Oh yeah it was there “BAM” she had so much, so much pride in herself, no stupid self image issues, that was HOT, yeah sure bush isn’t my thing even in politics but the self-confidence, the roar of Independence and beauty of being able to stand right in front of me, completely nude and vulnerable to sight and judgement without wincing. Yep WOW. I’ve always been able to walk around naked, it hasn’t bothered me, but most of my girlfriends have been so self-conscious, that its actually a let down, and most of the time such a joke because they’re all so beautiful, that I can’t help but laugh at the unfathomable reason of why they are that way, in reality they have nothing to worry about.
But anyway the Bush didn’t end there, there was a little bit of hair in the underarm, and I’m thinking yeah sure not what I’m used to but what the hell, then after the heightened intense super fun time, we talked, she’s mainly had girlfriends and hadn’t been with a guy in over 5 years. I felt privileged I must admit!

I felt dominated that night, as if she was the lioness and I was her prey, and oh I LOVED IT!

Well that’s enough of fun for one early morning 🙂

Yours the free, the conqueror, the happy and the rehabilitated

Alexander Vince

KEEP CHIPPER! 😀

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The Past Is Dangerous


Warning serious post!

So there’s been a speed bump in paradise with “Missy” (the wonderful girl who I went out on a date with, as you can read in earlier posts), it occurred the night before my inebriated “trick or treating”, when “Missy” had innocently been told about certain events of my past(way before we met), which to say the least shocked her and it almost changed her mind on continuing to develop our.. well “romance”. I’m sure many of you have done things in the past that if it were to be known, people would perceive or shape their understanding or fondness of you for the worst. But should there be such criticism or negativity, big or small, over an ordeal of the past that if a person and/or persons never knew, would not have caused such things as broken friendships, aggression or even a failure to launch, I guess the difficulty people have is over looking the idea of that person having done a particular thing and not realising situations and even the person could have been different back then, or being reluctant that they are who they are at this moment in time. Then again it all depends on what they’ve done and should judgements be made without completely understanding the matter at hand?

I’m sorry I am normally open to say everything and anything in this blog as you would know but this certain part of my past I cannot disclose to you, as personal as I may be with you, this is under lock and key in a tremendously large vault of paranoia and insecurity towards peoples possible reactions. But it was a journey of self exploration, to better understand me, myself and I. Now in experiencing this, I have a feeling of regret in doing it, but not regretful as I know its not my “gig” to put it simply.

Now as for “Missy” We’ve talked and it seems after a couple of weeks she is coming to terms with it, as I am still the same person, I haven’t changed and I still try to the best of my ability to make her happy. As much as it was embarrassing for “Missy” to find out, I’m almost glad because now I can definitely tell her everything!

Yours the for once secretive and happy making

Alexander Vince

P.S So my lovely friend Adam has begun a blog of his own, and it would be terribly nice if on your read through my blog you can visit his, you will find his well needed constructive criticism/cynicism on the ideals of todays society quite amusing! Thankyou!

>>>>> AdamBendall<<<<<

Trick Or Treating? More Like Drink and Drunking!


So I’ve waited way to long to post about my Halloween weekend! It was interesting, filled with vampires, ghouls,  Zorro, corpses, a Sweeney Todd, blood guts and skanky “sluts”(no offence but that was definitely the look they were going for, not that I nor others were complaining haha). I myself was a sophisticated looking vampire, with fangs and all, I may have been sophisticated looking, but i was being far from sophisticated and closer to being inappropriate in my drunken ways then anything else haha.

Jae, Me, Bec, Birthday nurse, Dracula

Starting off with work from 5 till 10, I was eager to go begin! With my Horde of buddies; Adam(Zorro), Jae(vampire bitten French housemaid), and golly/Andy Bennet(Pauly D) we landed at a birthday house party where a many people ended their night in a drunken pool of stumbling confusion. (ADAM WITNESSED A GUY SPEWING OVER THE BALCONY, which was hilarious.)

Some random pictures of peeps!

Stewart in drag for halloweenjae and andyMoniquee and nikiJayde and JadeDanielle!!Nick

 

Leaving with “happy birthday’s” and the anticipation of going out and “Trick or Treating”, we had a speedy drive to Lloyds Hotel which hosted a massively awesome Halloween event, and apart from the “boring lazy” people who didn’t take the time to dress up, it reminded me of a the Rob Zombie music video “Dragula”, yet perhaps not so satanic and including hot nurses, maids, she-devils, and bride corpses, with the live band even participating in their ghoulish ways. Its intriguing how I enjoyed Lloyds that night in compared to the regular Lloyds that on most occasions I loathe, But its quite self explanatory why I enjoyed it, atmosphere, eye candy, drinking, lots of familiar faces, and more drinking yet if only they hosted way more parties such as this in compared to what they’ve done in the past; just a suggestion…

We then moved onto Irish Murphies! Where me and Adam were approached by a middle aged woman, who I was previously flashing my fangs at, and licking my lips, for a laugh of course, but when she approached us, she asked whether I “liked turning girls on at the bar” with a drunken slur that would be obvious to the deaf or dead, with a tone of complete seriousness and leaning forward continuing to tell me that I was “cute” or “hot” which in our inebriated state made Adam and I laugh to pieces as we had coat hangers(AKA the hangover, well the perfect ingredient for one anyway).

After the Lovely Irish Murphies, you would have found me, Adam, Golly, and Jae with inebriation at an all time high at New York, enjoying the company of its musky smell of beer, sweat, and the sweet smell of grinding, not that sweet, but stand one way and you get grinded on by some lovely girl (with an obviously fantastic personality), look the other way and your looking at that girls boyfriend who just so happens to see, with the awkward moment that follows your realisation… I have to apologise my memory is quite hazy by this time, all I remember is cigarettes, a drink that I apparently made up and it tasting like a pure alcoholic mix of liquors and ice, so just imagine, its like drinking urine…. Not that I’ve drank urine, but this drink was fantastically disgusting. I remember leaving, getting to the taxi rank, and trying to be all noble and enforcing justice on the “pusher inerererers” yes my drunken self has amazing morals. But unfortunately these two, mmmm how could I describe them, oh yes filth! These two pieces of filth decided aggression was how this predicament was going to be sorted out, when they exchanged some inaudible filth language, I replied with a cheeky “what? what? pardon? I can’t understand you?” and that may not have helped the situation, but a taxi came by, and bye bye filth as they hopped in, to go back to their filth home in filth land, wherever the filth that may be…. Filth… Smile

 

Then back to mine and Adam’s home where we all went to sleep after the sun began to rise at 6 in the morning…. It was a fun night! Even if it includes memory loss!

Now I was going to talk about a certain subject for this blog, but Its going to be on the next one…. Probably tomorrow night!

Yours The Vampire, drunk and Justice Enforcer of Filth

Alexander Vince

To Fill You In


Well I feel the need to fill you in on what’s happened between my new set of posts, and those previous 7ish months ago…. SO you can get a grip on why this feeling of happiness and such a wonderful date is an amazing change! Smile

So thinking of the past can give both pleasant, humorous, sad, embarrassing and shameful memories. for example over the last 8 months i have been  living far away from family and friends in Sydney and its pushed me through my last stages of choosing the self persecuting choices which led me astray towards a chaotic bipolar day to day living into this sense of independence and living happily content. It was during this time of chaos that my blog was practically a husk of what it used to be, and only written when I was on the happy side of this chaotic bipolar little slice of hell. To put it simply it was a series, well pretty much a pattern of “happy-disappointment-angry-upset-break up-apologies-false sense of happiness” for about 6 months. Yes if you’ve gathered so far I’m talking about my previous relationship, and now your probably thinking “why didn’t you end it sooner if you were so unhappy then?” well it wasn’t as easy that, I was both in denial and holding onto that last slither of hope that things would change, I’m not saying I wasn’t happy at all in this 6 month duration, but it was quenched and like a candle in the rain, it didn’t take long to go out.

But now the chaos is far from sight, further then the horizon. With many thanks to my friends of course who had to deal with such terror and unimaginable frustrations.

To those experiencing that chaos, I wish you good luck, and I really do hope things get better for you. But its your choice whether you want chaos over genuine happiness.

Yours the happily vibrant and un-chaotic

Alexander Vince

People


They come in all shapes and forms, short, tall, middle? Muscular, thin or big boned, but what first appearances, are at times extremely different once you start to get to know the particular person, except for complete and utter douches, first appearances definitely defines them as the ultimate douche of “douchness”. For example last Wednesday i had another student night, yes i finished off my Green Label Johnnie Walker, oh the HORROR. So anyway at “The Saloon” my friends and I were playing pool and what seemed like an extremely drunk and dumbed down version of the hulk walked towards us, except not so buff, and well not green, as for the IQ I didn’t know such lower life forms were still around(I was hoping they died off from stupidity and lack of common sense), reminded me of president bush really, but not funny enough to laugh at.

bush_tired

HAHAHA. That is all….

But oh god he “got up in my grill” hahah but seriously, he tried to convince me and my friends that he had apparently “won” the table, well the single cell organism was apparently at the pool table playing with other mates, yes I’d sympathize, but I’d played several games before he walked over…. So obviously after he started to get all antsy pansy I told him to “Shadazzle off” and i tried my best not to flick him off, but ehehehe what can i say?

So besides that particular incident, people in this state are extremely nice, I’ve got some new buddies, all fans of drinking, the “window shopping”, and are indeed in tune with my sense of humour. WOO! DAMN I NEARLY FORGOT. There is this one guy… BIGGEST COCK HEAD KNOWN TO MAN. Why introduce me to some girls and saying “oi listen to this guy, he has an accent, he’s so smooth and he gets so much pussy!”. Like what the fuck? I didn’t even know this guy? But I don’t care, he has to do a nudie run at some point in this cold weather, so karma and embarrassment is all going to hit this small man. HA. HAHA.

But what confuses me the most, is that men have been stereotyped to be shallow. WHATTTT! The reasoning behind this is that we have temporary memory loss and complete lack of concentration, we also do stupid things, act like apes of old ancestry involved in our mating calls or dancing when we are in a presence of a “hot” girl, or those large and almost magnetic or hypnotic “attention seekers” they are located behind, and in front. But this is absolutely wrong! I speak for myself and all men, that we have pride, we have power and NOTHING CAN TAKE THAT AWAY……………..

16102010014

Wait a second! NO! NO! Fine…. I admit it. Its too hard to evade my eyes….. But yeah that’s a picture of me and a stripper, she beat me up, BUT THIS STILL DOESN’T PROVE WE ARE SHALLOW.

So if men are effected by those amazing…….. “attention seekers”, are women vulnerable to such tactics?

Lets find out i want to make a vote on whether you lady readers find this “Fidel Castro” and his “attention seekers” impossible to evade? (now i blotched his face out, for private reasons obviously)

Fidel Castro

To cast your vote, look at the comments on this post and there should be one of my comments and you either press the “Thumbs up” whether you like it, or the “Thumbs down” if you don’t.

Now as for me getting beat up by a stripper. (WARNING: IF YOU DON’T WANT MENTAL SCARS DONT READ OR LOOK FURTHER!)

Twas a many moons ago that i happened to go to an event called “Sexpo” (http://sexpo.com.au/) and there was an inflatable castle which was fortunately a strip club. The stripper who “performed” for me was a lovely nice lady, who i respect completely and utterly, As you can see from the picture earlier I’ve got my cheeky grin on and life couldn’t be better. But this was before she tied me to the strippers pole with my own scarf, pulled my pants down, ripped my bonds apart, took off my shirt, and rubbed and humped fruit and ice, into my back, and bit my bum, when she put a pear between my but cheeks. But oh that’s not the end, she whipped me with my own belt, and a studded belt. I had trouble walking, sitting down and LIFE STILL COULDN’T BE BETTER Open-mouthed smile

But there is a picture of my ass in my “morning after folder” and here it is:

17102010015

Bite mark and all.

But what concerned me most about my night at the strip club is that i got titties in my face, dry humped, and what i call “fetishly tortured”, which i didn’t pay for, but other people just paid for the torture…. Now maybe my moral values aren’t as fucked up as i thought, haha i was never into the whole hardcore domination thing but strip clubs they “aigghhttt”.

Now I’ve talked about douches, the cockhead, men, my new homies, strippers, the Fidel Castro looking guy, “hot” girls with their “attention seekers” but i haven’t talked about normal or average people. Now this is where it may get confusing but i don’t think there is a such thing as a normal or average person because to me normal is boring, and no matter how stale or un-delightfully monotone a person can be, you just have to get to know them, open them up or get them excited because then comes what i call “fun time”.

Winking smile

Yours the beat up/tortured and fun time loving

Alexander Vince

 

P.S VOTE! Thumbs up LIKEY! OR Thumbs down NO LIKEY!

P.S.S I will continue my defiance of the so called male stereotype of being shallow, next time.

P.S.S.S I love you all! Open-mouthed smile

Where Do You Draw The Line?


So as an adult there are certain things expected of me, both responsibility, as well as having the wisdom to deal with situations appropriately. Well of course these things come with time and experience, but burning yourself out because there is a lack of rush an excitement takes its toll, but with taking that toll, the boring and dull day to day becomes more aggravating and unbearable, but where do you stop and think what am I doing? Slowly killing one self with the destructive after effects of alcoholism, only to end the night in the bed of another?

Jesus it seems all so meaningless all of a sudden, where do you draw the line? I believe this alcoholism and addiction to the ideals of casual sex is corrupting both my generation and the youth to follow, I used to believe in the excitement of the chase and the catch, being seen as something worthy among friends and others, but now its meaningless with a self loathing catchy name as a man whore or player, it almost makes me feel hollow, have you ever thought about all those relationships that didn’t work and the “what if’s”?

It’s a deadly cycle of being interested in someone yet that interest failing as quickly as it came often leading me to realize that I’m not quite available as I was the night before, and then she’s gone leaving another road not taken, her leap of faith wasted, and another “what if”?

That responsibility and wisdom better come damn fast, because I’m not liking this self purgatory anymore.

Yours the irresponsible and unwise

Alexander Vince

me

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