Lust, Inevitably Leads To Loneliness Or Something Like That.

My Life Stories, From the highest to the lowest, and the grey area crap inbetween that forms my life so far…

Archive for the category “sobriety”

Lust Inevitably Is Loneliness, I Know That Now.


Over my life I have experienced a journey, and I’m thankful, I really am.

But these last few months have been hard. From enjoying the life my parents gave me, and the seductive lifestyle of youth and carnage of naive pubescent sexual desire, I didn’t see anything wrong until I started losing a grip on who I was as a person, I flung myself through women, university, work, without taking anything seriously, yet I had a tight hold on my fun, partying and of course cigarettes. Two days after last years Christmas, I had my work induction to my new job, I had moved down to Hobart and I accepted a job in the Wrest Point Casino as yes a bartender 🙂 It was fantastic, everything was coming together, a great job with a great paycheck and for over a month I had solidly kept to my own pact of no sexual encounters until I found love.

A few weeks earlier I had previously been promised a job at an Irish pub, but was soon disappointed with the brutality of reality, horrid management and was rejected completely without an apology, it wasn’t going to be that easy in this new city. Eating plenty of cheap canned food and smoking terribly cheap cigarettes, a downed decrepit condition of living really just to save money I was soon to run out of. Suddenly though  two weeks later and three job interviews, I had my options of being a porter at a prestigious hotel(The Henry Jones Art Hotel), a kitchen hand at the Royal Tasmanian Yacht Club and a bartender at a casino with multiple bars and plenty of hours, choosing wisely I accepted the job at the casino. On this day my induction to my new job was a day I will not forget easily, arriving to the car after finding out all the nooks and crannies of my wonderful new workplace. My dear little sister who had only celebrated her 14th birthday over a month and half ago, had called me repeatedly, and left me several messages to call her urgently, sitting in the car on a suddenly, dawning dark day. I called her only find out she has been walking the streets of my old family neighbourhood in Sydney distraught with the news of my fathers infidelity, with some woman he worked with in Brisbane, after organizing my friends in Sydney to pick up my little sister and take her to their mothers house to make sure she was okay, I called my parents…

Through fits of screaming rage, throwing office chairs down the stairs and ghastly fits of anguish I was able to persuade my father to leave the house with some belongings, I couldn’t talk to my mother, she was attuned and driven to an almost rabid insane outburst of absolute pure wrath saying if she had “a gun or a knife” she would have killed my father.

It was over the next few days that my mother had calmed down, my father gave way to truth and had told both my mother and I that he had been paying for prostitutes for the entirety of the last year…

Now think, your own father, who you thought to be the working family man, who had your highest honour and pride, who had managed and coached your rugby team, who had always been there when you were in trouble, who had all the answers, who guided and taught you right from wrong, who you looked up to and idolized, single handedly proved you wrong…. No destroyed all your beliefs of him. What stops you from believing everything that was right about your father is in reality false.

I cannot fathom his decisions to do such things.

This event cracked the foundation of our family. But the with family second chances aren’t just deserving, they are a given, otherwise you would always question what if but for most of its for love.

But it wasn’t up to the rest of our immediate family or even me, it was my mother and her big full heart, she was and I do believe, will always be in love my father. They went through marriage counseling over the last couple months to decide whether they could work it out or civilly part ways.

I visited my family for my older sister’s engagement party for a weekend, it was amazing, my parents were the happiest I’d seen them in years, like school children in fact, I, as was everyone else were truly looking forward to overcoming this dark cloud.

A week after my great weekend of celebration, I had worked a ten hour shift at the casino till early in the morning, and sleeping it off, I woke up to more urgent phone calls…..

My father who was too afraid to tell my mother about several other affairs when he had the chance during the couples counseling, had been caught when my mother had accidentally found an email recently sent by my father to an ex-mistress, he then had no choice but to tell the entire truth for the last time, my father had been cheating on my mother my entire life and a divorce is inevitable…

But following the original event that started this all, my father has been seeing a psychologist, he’s found out he’s a sex addict, this lingering shadow over his head his entire life, has finally been revealed.

all starting when abused as a twelve year child by a woman in his neighbourhood, my father has been unable to control himself.

I will always love my father, no matter what, yes he provided for our family, coached my rugby team, was always there for me and my family, I will never abandon him in his time of need especially when he is completely alone.

But unfortunately, I am now lost, I don’t know what to do, my dearest mother who calls me everyday asks me what to do, asks me for advice, constantly repeats everything, and I know its not her intention, but I feel like its pulling me under, but I’ll stay strong, love makes and helps you do such things.

There’s alot of detail missing from the last few months, so I’m sorry if it sounds scattered, but its just so hard to concentrate on such a thing as this.

On the bright side I think I’ve found someone, but I’ll talk to you about that next time.

Yours genuinely, always loving but a little lost

Alexander Vince

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I Guess Its Like Rehab


I’m feeling good, happy, free I guess.

There’s been a lot of thinking over the past month, a lot of anger, frustration, regret, and a fucking stupid amount of things going through my head.

Its like rehab but the cold sweats in the middle of the night replaced with awful dreams, the shakes with constant reminders of her, and that addiction silently talking to you swapped with the constant never ending thoughts poking and teasing you of the past.
But I’m not going to say I was in pain throughout my last relationship, most of it was good and great times, but I need my time of freedom, to take a step back and look at everything and do everything that I want to. Without having to rely or be supported by anyone else therefore not experiencing the frustrations of disappointments when things fall through.
I’ve got myself, yeah sure loneliness is a problem I’ve got to face, but we all have to at some point.

I’m aiming at self reliance, defining, bettering and getting to know myself.
Okay now that’s enough about the pain, the change. Now to tell you what I’ve done for the relief, its fun… fun… and yes fun!

Which includes:

– Alcohol

– Smoking (stopping atm… again)

– A string of girls

– Took a lesbian home (yes that even surprised me)

– An unbelievable amount of training at the gym

–  Spending money (oh you all know it feels good)

– Just concentrating on Uni (perhaps not the most uplifting experience, but it takes your mind of things)

So I guess I’m going to have to tell you the lesbian story, well lets just say my mind wasn’t “there” my middle member controlled everything, I know its not very tasteful to do so but there’s an evolutionary theory why we(men) are the way we are, being “sex-crazed” to ensure the continuation of our lineage, but of course this theory or function is obsolete in our modern age society and is probably the most often used criticism by our female counterparts, personally I don’t see anything wrong with having a healthy sex life, just use a rubber, a dom, protection, sheepskin, bag, happy hat, jimmy cap, nodder, raincoat, or a glove. You know what I mean right?
No? Really?
Okay… Here’s something that will spark that light bulb of yours:

– No glove, no love.

– Don’t be silly, wrap you willy.

– Don’t be a fool, wrap your tool.

– Don’t be a ding-dong, cover you shling-shlong.

– Don’t be a wenis, protect you penis.

– If there’s gunna be affection, cover your erection.

– If your gunna banger, cover your wanger.

– There only a buck, get one before you fuck.

– If you think she’s spunky, cover your monkey.

– If you slip between her thighs, condomize.

– While your undressing Venus, dress up your penis.

– If you think she’ll sigh, cover old one eye.

– Avoid a frown, contain your clown.

– Cage that snake then shake and bake.

– Cover your vein then drive her insane.

– Wrap that Steed then trample her weeds.

Alright did you get it? Ahhh the last horse crosses the finish line…
Well anyway where was I? Oh yes I was pretty much doing the mating dance ritual with a girl on the dance floor, I had her pushing up against me, grabbing my ass, which really I kind of fancied, swapping roles a Little? Hahah then there was confusing she was 29 years old, my gay friend had a huge go(long story) but apparently the girl was “rank” like every other girl he’d commented on, well that’s a frustrated gay guy for you, but in the confusion he introduced me to this other girl, and in a drunken manner I quickly zoned in on an intense conversation with a Trinity looking girl from the matrix, lets call her that shall we! So got to my place, she wildly took my clothes off, ripped hers off in a flurry of tongue curling, griping, nail scratching, teeth biting, pelvis clenching magnificence. Then there it was….

SOOO MUCH BUSH!

Oh yeah it was there “BAM” she had so much, so much pride in herself, no stupid self image issues, that was HOT, yeah sure bush isn’t my thing even in politics but the self-confidence, the roar of Independence and beauty of being able to stand right in front of me, completely nude and vulnerable to sight and judgement without wincing. Yep WOW. I’ve always been able to walk around naked, it hasn’t bothered me, but most of my girlfriends have been so self-conscious, that its actually a let down, and most of the time such a joke because they’re all so beautiful, that I can’t help but laugh at the unfathomable reason of why they are that way, in reality they have nothing to worry about.
But anyway the Bush didn’t end there, there was a little bit of hair in the underarm, and I’m thinking yeah sure not what I’m used to but what the hell, then after the heightened intense super fun time, we talked, she’s mainly had girlfriends and hadn’t been with a guy in over 5 years. I felt privileged I must admit!

I felt dominated that night, as if she was the lioness and I was her prey, and oh I LOVED IT!

Well that’s enough of fun for one early morning 🙂

Yours the free, the conqueror, the happy and the rehabilitated

Alexander Vince

KEEP CHIPPER! 😀

Trick Or Treating? More Like Drink and Drunking!


So I’ve waited way to long to post about my Halloween weekend! It was interesting, filled with vampires, ghouls,  Zorro, corpses, a Sweeney Todd, blood guts and skanky “sluts”(no offence but that was definitely the look they were going for, not that I nor others were complaining haha). I myself was a sophisticated looking vampire, with fangs and all, I may have been sophisticated looking, but i was being far from sophisticated and closer to being inappropriate in my drunken ways then anything else haha.

Jae, Me, Bec, Birthday nurse, Dracula

Starting off with work from 5 till 10, I was eager to go begin! With my Horde of buddies; Adam(Zorro), Jae(vampire bitten French housemaid), and golly/Andy Bennet(Pauly D) we landed at a birthday house party where a many people ended their night in a drunken pool of stumbling confusion. (ADAM WITNESSED A GUY SPEWING OVER THE BALCONY, which was hilarious.)

Some random pictures of peeps!

Stewart in drag for halloweenjae and andyMoniquee and nikiJayde and JadeDanielle!!Nick

 

Leaving with “happy birthday’s” and the anticipation of going out and “Trick or Treating”, we had a speedy drive to Lloyds Hotel which hosted a massively awesome Halloween event, and apart from the “boring lazy” people who didn’t take the time to dress up, it reminded me of a the Rob Zombie music video “Dragula”, yet perhaps not so satanic and including hot nurses, maids, she-devils, and bride corpses, with the live band even participating in their ghoulish ways. Its intriguing how I enjoyed Lloyds that night in compared to the regular Lloyds that on most occasions I loathe, But its quite self explanatory why I enjoyed it, atmosphere, eye candy, drinking, lots of familiar faces, and more drinking yet if only they hosted way more parties such as this in compared to what they’ve done in the past; just a suggestion…

We then moved onto Irish Murphies! Where me and Adam were approached by a middle aged woman, who I was previously flashing my fangs at, and licking my lips, for a laugh of course, but when she approached us, she asked whether I “liked turning girls on at the bar” with a drunken slur that would be obvious to the deaf or dead, with a tone of complete seriousness and leaning forward continuing to tell me that I was “cute” or “hot” which in our inebriated state made Adam and I laugh to pieces as we had coat hangers(AKA the hangover, well the perfect ingredient for one anyway).

After the Lovely Irish Murphies, you would have found me, Adam, Golly, and Jae with inebriation at an all time high at New York, enjoying the company of its musky smell of beer, sweat, and the sweet smell of grinding, not that sweet, but stand one way and you get grinded on by some lovely girl (with an obviously fantastic personality), look the other way and your looking at that girls boyfriend who just so happens to see, with the awkward moment that follows your realisation… I have to apologise my memory is quite hazy by this time, all I remember is cigarettes, a drink that I apparently made up and it tasting like a pure alcoholic mix of liquors and ice, so just imagine, its like drinking urine…. Not that I’ve drank urine, but this drink was fantastically disgusting. I remember leaving, getting to the taxi rank, and trying to be all noble and enforcing justice on the “pusher inerererers” yes my drunken self has amazing morals. But unfortunately these two, mmmm how could I describe them, oh yes filth! These two pieces of filth decided aggression was how this predicament was going to be sorted out, when they exchanged some inaudible filth language, I replied with a cheeky “what? what? pardon? I can’t understand you?” and that may not have helped the situation, but a taxi came by, and bye bye filth as they hopped in, to go back to their filth home in filth land, wherever the filth that may be…. Filth… Smile

 

Then back to mine and Adam’s home where we all went to sleep after the sun began to rise at 6 in the morning…. It was a fun night! Even if it includes memory loss!

Now I was going to talk about a certain subject for this blog, but Its going to be on the next one…. Probably tomorrow night!

Yours The Vampire, drunk and Justice Enforcer of Filth

Alexander Vince

Its Been A While…..


1st of July 2011

Wow time flies, maybe not with wings, although the hour/minute arms look like wings, especially when its 9:15 Pm (yes I’m talking about a clock, I’m a bit different okay! Its called being unique!). Anyhow its Friday the 1st of July, its uni holidays and my life has vastly made itself even bigger, more complex and amazing as each second goes by. I apologize for my absolute laziness in writing my posts but how exciting would my life be if it didn’t take precedence or charge over my writing? (Even if it took over completely)

I don’t know whether i could even release it in chapters as so much has happened over the past months, that i could probably write a book. But you’ll be getting the shortened version, only the exciting bits of course!

I’ve been back up to Sydney, visited family and friends, and drank way too much! (I’ll show you some pictures!)

My best mate from Sydney came down with me to see the lime light of Launceston…(Which shall be talked of in the next post)

And oh did he have fun…. You’ll have to find out Winking smile

By the way I’m a hundred percent sober, since Wednesday night/early hours of Thursday and I’m currently once again cleansing myself of smoking. Yes I know its Friday, but you have to start somewhere right! Lowered drinking levels, and a complete stop to smoking! Smile

I’m also considering moving houses.

On the list of things to do….

THE LIST OF THINGS TO DO Surprised smile

– UNI(always first Winking smile )

– Write a story about a beautiful red dragon and an attractive blue dragon Winking smile(Still

working on the title and most of the story, as its still on going)

– Save money(for a rainy day)

– Move out of this place(long story)

– Still enjoy ones self Open-mouthed smile (pretty self explanatory)

But there are a many things i wish to talk about today, mainly sex, but also my girlfriend, yes that’s right girlfriend!

My previous post about the girl i met is indeed about my current girlfriend, Mars has finally met Venus, and damn its good! Pretty much 4 months in a couple of weeks Surprised smile She has such a lust for life it almost makes her so sick it would keep her bedridden for days, so things were pretty rocky to begin with, but now on the relationship front it seems pretty good! Hi 5 anyone?

photo077

Anyway time for sex talk!

I’ve had a many conversations with friends about the opposite sex, especially when your on your guys night out, and there’s an absolutely “drop dead gorgeous” girl wearing a skimpy, tight fitted, shiny, and extremely revealing dress, and many guys would roll around on the ground like a puppy dog, or attach a leash to themselves to hand to her, just to hope to have sex with her…. Multiple times…. But it seems like a massive annoyance to ourselves that us men, crave sex, all the time, and its worse then you think. (a guys point of view) From when you lose your virginity, its an addiction, which goes with the saying “once you pop you can’t stop” some may not feel the same way, but the majority do. Everyone has their addictions smoking, narcotics, alcohol, etc, and etc, but the stereotypical female thinking that all men want is sex, isn’t completely true, as much as I’d love to have it every hour of every day I can do without! Even though I get twitchy…. I read a story about a guy so wound up about sex, he chopped his own penis off, still didn’t fix the problem but still sounds fucked up.  Yes this is probably an extreme case of addiction or mostly some kind of insanity and isn’t quite as regular, but maybe most of us men have a “softcore” addiction to sex, or just maybe its our evolutionary instincts, as quoted by Famous Irish comedian/actor Dylan Moran “The race must continue! The race must continue!”, its also known that in the past, the male was supposed to “spread his seed” as much as possible so his lineage will continue, so where does this leave guys who are continually under scrutiny from woman. SEXIST AGAINST MEN! I THINK SO Smile with tongue out  Narr, I’m just kidding, but hopefully if a woman, or a girl is reading this and realises that there’s a reason to our “addiction” or our yearning to sex you up, you will be more understanding and you should actually take it as a compliment as they are genuinely attracted to you. Besides many “Girls feel the need to love to have sex, but guys feel the need to have sex to love.” that’s right, so moral of the story is, we’re all fucked up, so lets just have sex. Just kidding haha

OH AND P.S ON THIS STORY, If you are actually and completely terrible at sex, its called “PORN” its good research material, which is why we watched it when we were teenagers in the midst of beginning our sex lives. AND PLEASE ATLEAST TRY, AND I MEAN GENUINELY TRY TO GET HER OFF, OTHERWISE YOUR A GREEDY SELFISH BASTARD. AND AND…. I’m kinda embarrassed to say I’m pumped for the new Harry Potter movie, does anybody else think Hermione’s hot? I JUST CAN’T WAIT FOR ALL THE HARRY POTTER FANATICS TO TURN INTO AIMLESS ZOMBIES AFTER ITS RELEASE, It’ll be like “ZombieLand” or “Dawn Of The Dead”, THE ANTICIPATION IS KILLING ME! haha.

Well that’s enough for tonight…

I’m off to my girlfriends house Smile

Yours the addicted  and the fallen

Alexander Vince

Pictures!

17062011348Yes its a top hat Open-mouthed smile

18062011350Me and my mate Adam, at The Oatley Hotel… In Oatley….

18062011352Cheeese!

18062011397TOP HAT!

 19062011423MUGSHOT!

19062011429CAMERA PHONE BATTLE!

 19062011434TOM!

19062011437WITH A CAMERA PHONE!

19062011422KIRK!

19062011438TOM WITH HIS CAMERA PHONE! AGAIN!

21062011441My pet Monty, he’s a homie!

23062011452Morning i was leaving Sad smile

23062011454 The bottle of wine me and Adam drank before I got on the plane to Tasmania Smile

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