Lust, Inevitably Leads To Loneliness Or Something Like That.

My Life Stories, From the highest to the lowest, and the grey area crap inbetween that forms my life so far…

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Well.


Okay.
I have been punished over, over and over again, for every mishap every one night stand that began with truth of loneliness and ended in mornings of there lack of.
I don’t want to tell you lies, I don’t even want to make myself look a little better, I have nothing to hide. I am blatantly and fully fucked.
I can persuade most strangers to share my bed for a night of no strings attached, ruthless, both drunken and sober sex but a person I genuinely share feelings with  I am handicapped by my unrelenting urges to show such caring affection for any girl that is currently in my question.
You may see this as romantic, but it haunts me, I cannot let go and be my complete self without losing.
They all leave, and no I am not what you call ugly or fat, I am not what you would call stupid, yes I may joke around a lot but at the end of the day, I cannot see the outliers of my own personality that makes such amazing women flee after a month or 6. Besides one, I am too nice, caring, affectionate, I put these women before myself, its a lesson I should have learnt long ago, but I always thought being yourself would lead to a full loving relationship that would outshine all the rest, but I’m finished coming second, I’m finished giving.

I think I have stopped caring.

Anyway besides that, yes it fell through with another lady, great sex, amazing sex really.
A few days after that fell through I found myself in the arms of another and a blowjob that…. well… was amazing, pure bliss, like angel with me in her mouth.

Anyhow I’m back, I won’t be lazy and let you down, my fans, well what are left.

Goodnight
Alexander Vince

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Lust Inevitably Is Loneliness, I Know That Now.


Over my life I have experienced a journey, and I’m thankful, I really am.

But these last few months have been hard. From enjoying the life my parents gave me, and the seductive lifestyle of youth and carnage of naive pubescent sexual desire, I didn’t see anything wrong until I started losing a grip on who I was as a person, I flung myself through women, university, work, without taking anything seriously, yet I had a tight hold on my fun, partying and of course cigarettes. Two days after last years Christmas, I had my work induction to my new job, I had moved down to Hobart and I accepted a job in the Wrest Point Casino as yes a bartender 🙂 It was fantastic, everything was coming together, a great job with a great paycheck and for over a month I had solidly kept to my own pact of no sexual encounters until I found love.

A few weeks earlier I had previously been promised a job at an Irish pub, but was soon disappointed with the brutality of reality, horrid management and was rejected completely without an apology, it wasn’t going to be that easy in this new city. Eating plenty of cheap canned food and smoking terribly cheap cigarettes, a downed decrepit condition of living really just to save money I was soon to run out of. Suddenly though  two weeks later and three job interviews, I had my options of being a porter at a prestigious hotel(The Henry Jones Art Hotel), a kitchen hand at the Royal Tasmanian Yacht Club and a bartender at a casino with multiple bars and plenty of hours, choosing wisely I accepted the job at the casino. On this day my induction to my new job was a day I will not forget easily, arriving to the car after finding out all the nooks and crannies of my wonderful new workplace. My dear little sister who had only celebrated her 14th birthday over a month and half ago, had called me repeatedly, and left me several messages to call her urgently, sitting in the car on a suddenly, dawning dark day. I called her only find out she has been walking the streets of my old family neighbourhood in Sydney distraught with the news of my fathers infidelity, with some woman he worked with in Brisbane, after organizing my friends in Sydney to pick up my little sister and take her to their mothers house to make sure she was okay, I called my parents…

Through fits of screaming rage, throwing office chairs down the stairs and ghastly fits of anguish I was able to persuade my father to leave the house with some belongings, I couldn’t talk to my mother, she was attuned and driven to an almost rabid insane outburst of absolute pure wrath saying if she had “a gun or a knife” she would have killed my father.

It was over the next few days that my mother had calmed down, my father gave way to truth and had told both my mother and I that he had been paying for prostitutes for the entirety of the last year…

Now think, your own father, who you thought to be the working family man, who had your highest honour and pride, who had managed and coached your rugby team, who had always been there when you were in trouble, who had all the answers, who guided and taught you right from wrong, who you looked up to and idolized, single handedly proved you wrong…. No destroyed all your beliefs of him. What stops you from believing everything that was right about your father is in reality false.

I cannot fathom his decisions to do such things.

This event cracked the foundation of our family. But the with family second chances aren’t just deserving, they are a given, otherwise you would always question what if but for most of its for love.

But it wasn’t up to the rest of our immediate family or even me, it was my mother and her big full heart, she was and I do believe, will always be in love my father. They went through marriage counseling over the last couple months to decide whether they could work it out or civilly part ways.

I visited my family for my older sister’s engagement party for a weekend, it was amazing, my parents were the happiest I’d seen them in years, like school children in fact, I, as was everyone else were truly looking forward to overcoming this dark cloud.

A week after my great weekend of celebration, I had worked a ten hour shift at the casino till early in the morning, and sleeping it off, I woke up to more urgent phone calls…..

My father who was too afraid to tell my mother about several other affairs when he had the chance during the couples counseling, had been caught when my mother had accidentally found an email recently sent by my father to an ex-mistress, he then had no choice but to tell the entire truth for the last time, my father had been cheating on my mother my entire life and a divorce is inevitable…

But following the original event that started this all, my father has been seeing a psychologist, he’s found out he’s a sex addict, this lingering shadow over his head his entire life, has finally been revealed.

all starting when abused as a twelve year child by a woman in his neighbourhood, my father has been unable to control himself.

I will always love my father, no matter what, yes he provided for our family, coached my rugby team, was always there for me and my family, I will never abandon him in his time of need especially when he is completely alone.

But unfortunately, I am now lost, I don’t know what to do, my dearest mother who calls me everyday asks me what to do, asks me for advice, constantly repeats everything, and I know its not her intention, but I feel like its pulling me under, but I’ll stay strong, love makes and helps you do such things.

There’s alot of detail missing from the last few months, so I’m sorry if it sounds scattered, but its just so hard to concentrate on such a thing as this.

On the bright side I think I’ve found someone, but I’ll talk to you about that next time.

Yours genuinely, always loving but a little lost

Alexander Vince

I Know


It’s 4 am, cold, windy and dark, with but this beer and cigarette keeping me company.
I should sleep but I want to write, I want to show you, I want to prove to you I’m not all sluttery, I’m not all disgrace and I won’t drown myself in my flailing failure of my morals. I will be better for you, my missing person, I will find you one day. I know I will, I am out every night staring at the dark sky waiting for a shooting star, using each and every one wishing for you.
You who’ll feel, smell and taste like home. Wherever you may be I hope you know, it shall be.

Yours the sweetly hopeful certain

Alexander Vince

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Well Haven’t We Sold Out.


We’ve all heard of the reality shows, Australian Idol, American Idol, X-factor, etc, etc. Well just to clarify, I do not watch reality shows on a regular basis, I find them to be the worst of what the entertainment industry has to offer. But X-Factor happened to be on TV as my roommate and I were cleaning the house, even then the vacuum cleaner seemed to offer better entertainment, the way it sucks up all that dust and that irritating sound that it exudes is clearly untapped musical potential, makes me think I should enter it into the next X-factor.

I’m not saying all of them were horrid, but comeeeeeeee ooonnnn more boy groups, they used to be the butt of the joke in the 90’s! Yes these over-valued music companies fund these boy band cloning factories, its horrible, the most ludicrous thing I’ve ever seen on reality TV, ONE DIRECTION JUDGING THESE NEW “ARTISTS”, YES JUDGING. WHAT IN HOLY HELL HAS HAPPENED TO THE WORLD. This isn’t even the worst of it. I quote “One Direction the best boy band in the world”. Now there’s a perfectly normal English sentence.

Don’t even get me started on Kesha joining the freak show as a guest judge. I’ll let her music video explain(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iP6XpLQM2Cs). I’m sure that’s the most Auto-tuned song in the existence of Auto-tune. So obviously she makes peoples ears bleed.

If these are the “musicians” that the younger generation are idolizing, then what is to come of the real elbow grease, hard at it, back breaking artists who are doing it tough by working their way up, but have real musical talent, are they expected to sell out as well?

I guess I’m just disappointed in the music industries tapping into this “teenybopper” demographic, getting them hooked while they’re young and having no real clue what real musical talent is.
Well I’m also fed up of the constant commercialised music on radio, turning the car into a nightclub, It gets to the point that I would rather listen to the advertisement, or even better spending money on a sound system to hook up my Ipod to the car.

Well here’s a toast to the assassination of music as we know it!

Yours the firmly horrified

Alexander Vince

I Guess Its Like Rehab


I’m feeling good, happy, free I guess.

There’s been a lot of thinking over the past month, a lot of anger, frustration, regret, and a fucking stupid amount of things going through my head.

Its like rehab but the cold sweats in the middle of the night replaced with awful dreams, the shakes with constant reminders of her, and that addiction silently talking to you swapped with the constant never ending thoughts poking and teasing you of the past.
But I’m not going to say I was in pain throughout my last relationship, most of it was good and great times, but I need my time of freedom, to take a step back and look at everything and do everything that I want to. Without having to rely or be supported by anyone else therefore not experiencing the frustrations of disappointments when things fall through.
I’ve got myself, yeah sure loneliness is a problem I’ve got to face, but we all have to at some point.

I’m aiming at self reliance, defining, bettering and getting to know myself.
Okay now that’s enough about the pain, the change. Now to tell you what I’ve done for the relief, its fun… fun… and yes fun!

Which includes:

– Alcohol

– Smoking (stopping atm… again)

– A string of girls

– Took a lesbian home (yes that even surprised me)

– An unbelievable amount of training at the gym

–  Spending money (oh you all know it feels good)

– Just concentrating on Uni (perhaps not the most uplifting experience, but it takes your mind of things)

So I guess I’m going to have to tell you the lesbian story, well lets just say my mind wasn’t “there” my middle member controlled everything, I know its not very tasteful to do so but there’s an evolutionary theory why we(men) are the way we are, being “sex-crazed” to ensure the continuation of our lineage, but of course this theory or function is obsolete in our modern age society and is probably the most often used criticism by our female counterparts, personally I don’t see anything wrong with having a healthy sex life, just use a rubber, a dom, protection, sheepskin, bag, happy hat, jimmy cap, nodder, raincoat, or a glove. You know what I mean right?
No? Really?
Okay… Here’s something that will spark that light bulb of yours:

– No glove, no love.

– Don’t be silly, wrap you willy.

– Don’t be a fool, wrap your tool.

– Don’t be a ding-dong, cover you shling-shlong.

– Don’t be a wenis, protect you penis.

– If there’s gunna be affection, cover your erection.

– If your gunna banger, cover your wanger.

– There only a buck, get one before you fuck.

– If you think she’s spunky, cover your monkey.

– If you slip between her thighs, condomize.

– While your undressing Venus, dress up your penis.

– If you think she’ll sigh, cover old one eye.

– Avoid a frown, contain your clown.

– Cage that snake then shake and bake.

– Cover your vein then drive her insane.

– Wrap that Steed then trample her weeds.

Alright did you get it? Ahhh the last horse crosses the finish line…
Well anyway where was I? Oh yes I was pretty much doing the mating dance ritual with a girl on the dance floor, I had her pushing up against me, grabbing my ass, which really I kind of fancied, swapping roles a Little? Hahah then there was confusing she was 29 years old, my gay friend had a huge go(long story) but apparently the girl was “rank” like every other girl he’d commented on, well that’s a frustrated gay guy for you, but in the confusion he introduced me to this other girl, and in a drunken manner I quickly zoned in on an intense conversation with a Trinity looking girl from the matrix, lets call her that shall we! So got to my place, she wildly took my clothes off, ripped hers off in a flurry of tongue curling, griping, nail scratching, teeth biting, pelvis clenching magnificence. Then there it was….

SOOO MUCH BUSH!

Oh yeah it was there “BAM” she had so much, so much pride in herself, no stupid self image issues, that was HOT, yeah sure bush isn’t my thing even in politics but the self-confidence, the roar of Independence and beauty of being able to stand right in front of me, completely nude and vulnerable to sight and judgement without wincing. Yep WOW. I’ve always been able to walk around naked, it hasn’t bothered me, but most of my girlfriends have been so self-conscious, that its actually a let down, and most of the time such a joke because they’re all so beautiful, that I can’t help but laugh at the unfathomable reason of why they are that way, in reality they have nothing to worry about.
But anyway the Bush didn’t end there, there was a little bit of hair in the underarm, and I’m thinking yeah sure not what I’m used to but what the hell, then after the heightened intense super fun time, we talked, she’s mainly had girlfriends and hadn’t been with a guy in over 5 years. I felt privileged I must admit!

I felt dominated that night, as if she was the lioness and I was her prey, and oh I LOVED IT!

Well that’s enough of fun for one early morning 🙂

Yours the free, the conqueror, the happy and the rehabilitated

Alexander Vince

KEEP CHIPPER! 😀

Age Really Doesn’t Matter Now Does It?


So my lovely followers of sorts, I know I’ve missed you too!

I know its a short greeting but this is how I’ve been feeling.
I’ve been repeatedly making a quick and sweet contact with a wall, using my head ofcourse!
I have been experiencing a complete mobocracy(a lovely word for an utter state of confusion), thats right! Girl problems!
I’ve scrambled and sieved through every “micro-millimeter” of memory, thought and reason as to why my girlfriend is experiencing this state of precariousness and unnaffection, ofcourse wanting to have “some time” by herself(even thought she’s had alot of that for the past few weeks due to uni), not explaining the issue or issues, not looking at me for support which I’ve pretty much done from the beggining!

Talking about begginings, it was her telling me “I don’t want to play any of these stupid mind games” and further telling me she wants a serious relationship with truthfullness, no bullshit further pointing out how terrible her last relationship was, I agreed and now I look back, I have to say I’m truthfully confused about this bullshit.

So after not seeing her for the week, due to her University degree’s supervised nursing practice based two hours away, I went to her house after work on the friday night and she greeted me with unnaffection, no hugs, no kisses. At this point I was completely unaware that my confusion at the time was completely belittled to what I feel now. I ask if everything’s alright, and yeah “apparently” it was.

Then after no contact all day and night, Sunday around noon I recieve a text apologising for being “stand offish” and that she needs time by herself after everything that’s been going on and that she’s not in a good place. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? PLEASE FOR THE SAKE OF MY SANITY TELL ME INSTEAD OF SAYING THAT AND NOT TALKING TO ME FOR THE REST OF THE DAY! FUCK. Sorry I’ve got alot of counted sheep owed to this girl. She’s actually put me in a bad “place”. I thought its been fine up untill the last week or so.
Now I don’t understand why she questions my maturity, telling me via text instead of in person? not replying? expecting me to wait on hand and foot without knowing anything, it make me feel meaningless and unwanted its torturous! I’d rather be told, good or bad, why.

I may only be 21, but considering what’s happened, 25 or 18, age really doesn’t matter now does it?

Yours the justifiably disapointed

Alexander Vince

“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”  Robert A. Heinlein

Trick Or Treating? More Like Drink and Drunking!


So I’ve waited way to long to post about my Halloween weekend! It was interesting, filled with vampires, ghouls,  Zorro, corpses, a Sweeney Todd, blood guts and skanky “sluts”(no offence but that was definitely the look they were going for, not that I nor others were complaining haha). I myself was a sophisticated looking vampire, with fangs and all, I may have been sophisticated looking, but i was being far from sophisticated and closer to being inappropriate in my drunken ways then anything else haha.

Jae, Me, Bec, Birthday nurse, Dracula

Starting off with work from 5 till 10, I was eager to go begin! With my Horde of buddies; Adam(Zorro), Jae(vampire bitten French housemaid), and golly/Andy Bennet(Pauly D) we landed at a birthday house party where a many people ended their night in a drunken pool of stumbling confusion. (ADAM WITNESSED A GUY SPEWING OVER THE BALCONY, which was hilarious.)

Some random pictures of peeps!

Stewart in drag for halloweenjae and andyMoniquee and nikiJayde and JadeDanielle!!Nick

 

Leaving with “happy birthday’s” and the anticipation of going out and “Trick or Treating”, we had a speedy drive to Lloyds Hotel which hosted a massively awesome Halloween event, and apart from the “boring lazy” people who didn’t take the time to dress up, it reminded me of a the Rob Zombie music video “Dragula”, yet perhaps not so satanic and including hot nurses, maids, she-devils, and bride corpses, with the live band even participating in their ghoulish ways. Its intriguing how I enjoyed Lloyds that night in compared to the regular Lloyds that on most occasions I loathe, But its quite self explanatory why I enjoyed it, atmosphere, eye candy, drinking, lots of familiar faces, and more drinking yet if only they hosted way more parties such as this in compared to what they’ve done in the past; just a suggestion…

We then moved onto Irish Murphies! Where me and Adam were approached by a middle aged woman, who I was previously flashing my fangs at, and licking my lips, for a laugh of course, but when she approached us, she asked whether I “liked turning girls on at the bar” with a drunken slur that would be obvious to the deaf or dead, with a tone of complete seriousness and leaning forward continuing to tell me that I was “cute” or “hot” which in our inebriated state made Adam and I laugh to pieces as we had coat hangers(AKA the hangover, well the perfect ingredient for one anyway).

After the Lovely Irish Murphies, you would have found me, Adam, Golly, and Jae with inebriation at an all time high at New York, enjoying the company of its musky smell of beer, sweat, and the sweet smell of grinding, not that sweet, but stand one way and you get grinded on by some lovely girl (with an obviously fantastic personality), look the other way and your looking at that girls boyfriend who just so happens to see, with the awkward moment that follows your realisation… I have to apologise my memory is quite hazy by this time, all I remember is cigarettes, a drink that I apparently made up and it tasting like a pure alcoholic mix of liquors and ice, so just imagine, its like drinking urine…. Not that I’ve drank urine, but this drink was fantastically disgusting. I remember leaving, getting to the taxi rank, and trying to be all noble and enforcing justice on the “pusher inerererers” yes my drunken self has amazing morals. But unfortunately these two, mmmm how could I describe them, oh yes filth! These two pieces of filth decided aggression was how this predicament was going to be sorted out, when they exchanged some inaudible filth language, I replied with a cheeky “what? what? pardon? I can’t understand you?” and that may not have helped the situation, but a taxi came by, and bye bye filth as they hopped in, to go back to their filth home in filth land, wherever the filth that may be…. Filth… Smile

 

Then back to mine and Adam’s home where we all went to sleep after the sun began to rise at 6 in the morning…. It was a fun night! Even if it includes memory loss!

Now I was going to talk about a certain subject for this blog, but Its going to be on the next one…. Probably tomorrow night!

Yours The Vampire, drunk and Justice Enforcer of Filth

Alexander Vince

To Fill You In


Well I feel the need to fill you in on what’s happened between my new set of posts, and those previous 7ish months ago…. SO you can get a grip on why this feeling of happiness and such a wonderful date is an amazing change! Smile

So thinking of the past can give both pleasant, humorous, sad, embarrassing and shameful memories. for example over the last 8 months i have been  living far away from family and friends in Sydney and its pushed me through my last stages of choosing the self persecuting choices which led me astray towards a chaotic bipolar day to day living into this sense of independence and living happily content. It was during this time of chaos that my blog was practically a husk of what it used to be, and only written when I was on the happy side of this chaotic bipolar little slice of hell. To put it simply it was a series, well pretty much a pattern of “happy-disappointment-angry-upset-break up-apologies-false sense of happiness” for about 6 months. Yes if you’ve gathered so far I’m talking about my previous relationship, and now your probably thinking “why didn’t you end it sooner if you were so unhappy then?” well it wasn’t as easy that, I was both in denial and holding onto that last slither of hope that things would change, I’m not saying I wasn’t happy at all in this 6 month duration, but it was quenched and like a candle in the rain, it didn’t take long to go out.

But now the chaos is far from sight, further then the horizon. With many thanks to my friends of course who had to deal with such terror and unimaginable frustrations.

To those experiencing that chaos, I wish you good luck, and I really do hope things get better for you. But its your choice whether you want chaos over genuine happiness.

Yours the happily vibrant and un-chaotic

Alexander Vince

A Smile


So to end another weekend of  bright sunshine, joyous, coffee, cigarettes, drinking, brilliance and work i had a highlight, it was on the Sunday night, I had a date with a beautiful blonde (lets call her Missy). At a nice restaurant called “Silt” accompanied with a bottle of champagne, our conversations were  never ending! Working its way into our precious history as children, adolescents, and adults as well our families past and how we came to be comparing each others colourful lives with interest and admiration, so practically I came to find and cement my thoughts of the things that makes this particular “Missy” special. What many find an average dinner date of entree’s, a main course and a dessert, this was far beyond my expectations, so much better in fact, to have a date go so nice and smoothly, even if we were partially inebriated following a distinct straight mix of port, limes, Cointreau and liqueur. I was supremely happy and for once i felt obligated AND willing to pay the bill, which was Pittance for such a splendorous, joyful night, I don’t think I’ve ever felt such a connection on a first date, not one just of lust but when you see that one sparkle that shows its potential for something that can be the star burning bright, along with your excited caffeinated butterflies in your stomach, it does bring a smile to your face.

Our night didn’t end there, home I didn’t go until the morning’s light and let’s just say we “rocked the casbah”. I took comfort in her company and her ridiculously comfortable bed, waking up to her aqua blue eyes and the highlight for my weekend a smile.

Yours the all round happy

Alexander Vince

 

P.s Me before my date: A haircut and HOORAY a weight off my head!

Picture of me before my date

THE FEMINIST MIGHT RISES UP!


One Thursday a many weeks ago……

So naturally, me and some friends were at a pub… But it was my first time at this pub, “The Oak” which my friends described as an “Indie-Alternative-musician-hippy-dreadlock-pub”. But there I was in a dress shirt, business shoes, and my smart casual jacket, surrounded by, dreadlocks, old green army jackets, and well I was definitely out of place.

But as soon as I talked to my green loving friends, they weren’t as prejudice as a I perceived, yes at first I was the thing I hated the most, a snob, baselessly judging people from their looks. DUN DUN DUNNN. But at the same time, the wine i consumed earlier was definitely a depressant, I was tired, droopy and very much “eh”. But then this amazing thing happened like God, Jesus, or Chuck Norris himself stepped into that small outside area of the pub and fadoozled with one females mind, to which she out of nowhere decided she needed to be topless, she wasn’t extremly drunk, or that drunk in fact. But it was a “statement”.  A friend of mine Sim told me her friend had previously found out that night that her boyfriend had been cheating on her, so the soon to be topless one decided she would take off her top to show how much she hated men and that if men can take their shirt off in public so can women… Quite ironic considering most guys, instead of feeling so offended, just enjoyed themselves, and one in particular took it up to himself to be the creepy guy just staring at her bosoms. Other people followed in her foot steps….

But from what started out for me being an out of place, droopy, tired grumpy night, turned into a nude beer garden night. Smile with tongue out I also have new found ideals.. I love feminism, I support it, yeah yeah equality for all sexes!

Yours the supporter of equality for all sexes and topples women

Alexander Vince

WOOO

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