Lust Inevitably Is Loneliness, I Know That Now.

Over my life I have experienced a journey, and I’m thankful, I really am.

But these last few months have been hard. From enjoying the life my parents gave me, and the seductive lifestyle of youth and carnage of naive pubescent sexual desire, I didn’t see anything wrong until I started losing a grip on who I was as a person, I flung myself through women, university, work, without taking anything seriously, yet I had a tight hold on my fun, partying and of course cigarettes. Two days after last years Christmas, I had my work induction to my new job, I had moved down to Hobart and I accepted a job in the Wrest Point Casino as yes a bartender 🙂 It was fantastic, everything was coming together, a great job with a great paycheck and for over a month I had solidly kept to my own pact of no sexual encounters until I found love.

A few weeks earlier I had previously been promised a job at an Irish pub, but was soon disappointed with the brutality of reality, horrid management and was rejected completely without an apology, it wasn’t going to be that easy in this new city. Eating plenty of cheap canned food and smoking terribly cheap cigarettes, a downed decrepit condition of living really just to save money I was soon to run out of. Suddenly though  two weeks later and three job interviews, I had my options of being a porter at a prestigious hotel(The Henry Jones Art Hotel), a kitchen hand at the Royal Tasmanian Yacht Club and a bartender at a casino with multiple bars and plenty of hours, choosing wisely I accepted the job at the casino. On this day my induction to my new job was a day I will not forget easily, arriving to the car after finding out all the nooks and crannies of my wonderful new workplace. My dear little sister who had only celebrated her 14th birthday over a month and half ago, had called me repeatedly, and left me several messages to call her urgently, sitting in the car on a suddenly, dawning dark day. I called her only find out she has been walking the streets of my old family neighbourhood in Sydney distraught with the news of my fathers infidelity, with some woman he worked with in Brisbane, after organizing my friends in Sydney to pick up my little sister and take her to their mothers house to make sure she was okay, I called my parents…

Through fits of screaming rage, throwing office chairs down the stairs and ghastly fits of anguish I was able to persuade my father to leave the house with some belongings, I couldn’t talk to my mother, she was attuned and driven to an almost rabid insane outburst of absolute pure wrath saying if she had “a gun or a knife” she would have killed my father.

It was over the next few days that my mother had calmed down, my father gave way to truth and had told both my mother and I that he had been paying for prostitutes for the entirety of the last year…

Now think, your own father, who you thought to be the working family man, who had your highest honour and pride, who had managed and coached your rugby team, who had always been there when you were in trouble, who had all the answers, who guided and taught you right from wrong, who you looked up to and idolized, single handedly proved you wrong…. No destroyed all your beliefs of him. What stops you from believing everything that was right about your father is in reality false.

I cannot fathom his decisions to do such things.

This event cracked the foundation of our family. But the with family second chances aren’t just deserving, they are a given, otherwise you would always question what if but for most of its for love.

But it wasn’t up to the rest of our immediate family or even me, it was my mother and her big full heart, she was and I do believe, will always be in love my father. They went through marriage counseling over the last couple months to decide whether they could work it out or civilly part ways.

I visited my family for my older sister’s engagement party for a weekend, it was amazing, my parents were the happiest I’d seen them in years, like school children in fact, I, as was everyone else were truly looking forward to overcoming this dark cloud.

A week after my great weekend of celebration, I had worked a ten hour shift at the casino till early in the morning, and sleeping it off, I woke up to more urgent phone calls…..

My father who was too afraid to tell my mother about several other affairs when he had the chance during the couples counseling, had been caught when my mother had accidentally found an email recently sent by my father to an ex-mistress, he then had no choice but to tell the entire truth for the last time, my father had been cheating on my mother my entire life and a divorce is inevitable…

But following the original event that started this all, my father has been seeing a psychologist, he’s found out he’s a sex addict, this lingering shadow over his head his entire life, has finally been revealed.

all starting when abused as a twelve year child by a woman in his neighbourhood, my father has been unable to control himself.

I will always love my father, no matter what, yes he provided for our family, coached my rugby team, was always there for me and my family, I will never abandon him in his time of need especially when he is completely alone.

But unfortunately, I am now lost, I don’t know what to do, my dearest mother who calls me everyday asks me what to do, asks me for advice, constantly repeats everything, and I know its not her intention, but I feel like its pulling me under, but I’ll stay strong, love makes and helps you do such things.

There’s alot of detail missing from the last few months, so I’m sorry if it sounds scattered, but its just so hard to concentrate on such a thing as this.

On the bright side I think I’ve found someone, but I’ll talk to you about that next time.

Yours genuinely, always loving but a little lost

Alexander Vince

I Guess Its Like Rehab

I’m feeling good, happy, free I guess.

There’s been a lot of thinking over the past month, a lot of anger, frustration, regret, and a fucking stupid amount of things going through my head.

Its like rehab but the cold sweats in the middle of the night replaced with awful dreams, the shakes with constant reminders of her, and that addiction silently talking to you swapped with the constant never ending thoughts poking and teasing you of the past.
But I’m not going to say I was in pain throughout my last relationship, most of it was good and great times, but I need my time of freedom, to take a step back and look at everything and do everything that I want to. Without having to rely or be supported by anyone else therefore not experiencing the frustrations of disappointments when things fall through.
I’ve got myself, yeah sure loneliness is a problem I’ve got to face, but we all have to at some point.

I’m aiming at self reliance, defining, bettering and getting to know myself.
Okay now that’s enough about the pain, the change. Now to tell you what I’ve done for the relief, its fun… fun… and yes fun!

Which includes:

– Alcohol

– Smoking (stopping atm… again)

– A string of girls

– Took a lesbian home (yes that even surprised me)

– An unbelievable amount of training at the gym

–  Spending money (oh you all know it feels good)

– Just concentrating on Uni (perhaps not the most uplifting experience, but it takes your mind of things)

So I guess I’m going to have to tell you the lesbian story, well lets just say my mind wasn’t “there” my middle member controlled everything, I know its not very tasteful to do so but there’s an evolutionary theory why we(men) are the way we are, being “sex-crazed” to ensure the continuation of our lineage, but of course this theory or function is obsolete in our modern age society and is probably the most often used criticism by our female counterparts, personally I don’t see anything wrong with having a healthy sex life, just use a rubber, a dom, protection, sheepskin, bag, happy hat, jimmy cap, nodder, raincoat, or a glove. You know what I mean right?
No? Really?
Okay… Here’s something that will spark that light bulb of yours:

– No glove, no love.

– Don’t be silly, wrap you willy.

– Don’t be a fool, wrap your tool.

– Don’t be a ding-dong, cover you shling-shlong.

– Don’t be a wenis, protect you penis.

– If there’s gunna be affection, cover your erection.

– If your gunna banger, cover your wanger.

– There only a buck, get one before you fuck.

– If you think she’s spunky, cover your monkey.

– If you slip between her thighs, condomize.

– While your undressing Venus, dress up your penis.

– If you think she’ll sigh, cover old one eye.

– Avoid a frown, contain your clown.

– Cage that snake then shake and bake.

– Cover your vein then drive her insane.

– Wrap that Steed then trample her weeds.

Alright did you get it? Ahhh the last horse crosses the finish line…
Well anyway where was I? Oh yes I was pretty much doing the mating dance ritual with a girl on the dance floor, I had her pushing up against me, grabbing my ass, which really I kind of fancied, swapping roles a Little? Hahah then there was confusing she was 29 years old, my gay friend had a huge go(long story) but apparently the girl was “rank” like every other girl he’d commented on, well that’s a frustrated gay guy for you, but in the confusion he introduced me to this other girl, and in a drunken manner I quickly zoned in on an intense conversation with a Trinity looking girl from the matrix, lets call her that shall we! So got to my place, she wildly took my clothes off, ripped hers off in a flurry of tongue curling, griping, nail scratching, teeth biting, pelvis clenching magnificence. Then there it was….

SOOO MUCH BUSH!

Oh yeah it was there “BAM” she had so much, so much pride in herself, no stupid self image issues, that was HOT, yeah sure bush isn’t my thing even in politics but the self-confidence, the roar of Independence and beauty of being able to stand right in front of me, completely nude and vulnerable to sight and judgement without wincing. Yep WOW. I’ve always been able to walk around naked, it hasn’t bothered me, but most of my girlfriends have been so self-conscious, that its actually a let down, and most of the time such a joke because they’re all so beautiful, that I can’t help but laugh at the unfathomable reason of why they are that way, in reality they have nothing to worry about.
But anyway the Bush didn’t end there, there was a little bit of hair in the underarm, and I’m thinking yeah sure not what I’m used to but what the hell, then after the heightened intense super fun time, we talked, she’s mainly had girlfriends and hadn’t been with a guy in over 5 years. I felt privileged I must admit!

I felt dominated that night, as if she was the lioness and I was her prey, and oh I LOVED IT!

Well that’s enough of fun for one early morning 🙂

Yours the free, the conqueror, the happy and the rehabilitated

Alexander Vince

KEEP CHIPPER! 😀

Happiness Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

Why is it that when a disaster or feeling of unhappiness strikes that the weather is miserable in compared to when happiness is on the rise; where the weather is beautiful, the sun is shining and the birds are singing. I’ve noticed over the last couple of weeks, that I’ve been in a constant happy state, even when work tonight was hard and mistakes were made. I brushed it off and continued be chirpy, quirky, and at the end of the night, down right dirty. Hehehe.

I feel cleansed with the sun(HAVE TO LOVE THE VITAMIN D!), healthy food, coffee, and yes I feel cleansed even though I smoke ironic I know. But this is one of the first times in a long time where stress is a far away thought, I have someone worth working towards and I’m happy for it to go either way, whether it doesn’t happen or does, happy, for her and for me, its a crazy feeling. To put it simply everything is going well, besides my empty stomach at the moment. I am content and the best thing about it is I’m not trying so hard to be happy! Its coming naturally!

Oh by the way I’ve got a bed time story for you!

I was at work one night a couple of weeks ago, taking this middle aged, early 50’s looking couple’s order, serving their drinks and food, the whole “waitering” kit and caboodle and while talking to them, we got onto the topic of why i came to be working at this particular restaurant(the history of Alexander Vince really). At the end of the night, this particular couple came to pay the bill, and they give me a 10 dollar tip as well as a note I quickly skimmed through the note and said thankyou with a smile. It barely occurred to me at the time, that this couple were swingers and in this particular note suggested they were interested in me to come over for a “private drink and/or meal”, so pretty much they’re saying “hey join our weird open relationship swinger couple gangbang orgy touch and see our sagging bums thing, and we’ll get you drunk for free and feed you if we have to.” I’m conflicted, I feel like I’ve been eye raped or perved on by my high school gym teacher yet I feel extremely complimented that I passed their criteria… But no way in hell did I call their number, I’m not interested in seeing all the sagginess that I will eventually be forced to see in thirty years time.

Yours the Good Ole’ Plain happy and swinger attracting

Alexander Vince

 

P.s

So you’ve heard of Edward scissor hands?

I BRING YOU ALEXANDER BOTTLE HANDS!

People

They come in all shapes and forms, short, tall, middle? Muscular, thin or big boned, but what first appearances, are at times extremely different once you start to get to know the particular person, except for complete and utter douches, first appearances definitely defines them as the ultimate douche of “douchness”. For example last Wednesday i had another student night, yes i finished off my Green Label Johnnie Walker, oh the HORROR. So anyway at “The Saloon” my friends and I were playing pool and what seemed like an extremely drunk and dumbed down version of the hulk walked towards us, except not so buff, and well not green, as for the IQ I didn’t know such lower life forms were still around(I was hoping they died off from stupidity and lack of common sense), reminded me of president bush really, but not funny enough to laugh at.

HAHAHA. That is all….

But oh god he “got up in my grill” hahah but seriously, he tried to convince me and my friends that he had apparently “won” the table, well the single cell organism was apparently at the pool table playing with other mates, yes I’d sympathize, but I’d played several games before he walked over…. So obviously after he started to get all antsy pansy I told him to “Shadazzle off” and i tried my best not to flick him off, but ehehehe what can i say?

So besides that particular incident, people in this state are extremely nice, I’ve got some new buddies, all fans of drinking, the “window shopping”, and are indeed in tune with my sense of humour. WOO! DAMN I NEARLY FORGOT. There is this one guy… BIGGEST COCK HEAD KNOWN TO MAN. Why introduce me to some girls and saying “oi listen to this guy, he has an accent, he’s so smooth and he gets so much pussy!”. Like what the fuck? I didn’t even know this guy? But I don’t care, he has to do a nudie run at some point in this cold weather, so karma and embarrassment is all going to hit this small man. HA. HAHA.

But what confuses me the most, is that men have been stereotyped to be shallow. WHATTTT! The reasoning behind this is that we have temporary memory loss and complete lack of concentration, we also do stupid things, act like apes of old ancestry involved in our mating calls or dancing when we are in a presence of a “hot” girl, or those large and almost magnetic or hypnotic “attention seekers” they are located behind, and in front. But this is absolutely wrong! I speak for myself and all men, that we have pride, we have power and NOTHING CAN TAKE THAT AWAY……………..

Wait a second! NO! NO! Fine…. I admit it. Its too hard to evade my eyes….. But yeah that’s a picture of me and a stripper, she beat me up, BUT THIS STILL DOESN’T PROVE WE ARE SHALLOW.

So if men are effected by those amazing…….. “attention seekers”, are women vulnerable to such tactics?

Lets find out i want to make a vote on whether you lady readers find this “Fidel Castro” and his “attention seekers” impossible to evade? (now i blotched his face out, for private reasons obviously)

To cast your vote, look at the comments on this post and there should be one of my comments and you either press the “” whether you like it, or the “” if you don’t.

Now as for me getting beat up by a stripper. (WARNING: IF YOU DON’T WANT MENTAL SCARS DONT READ OR LOOK FURTHER!)

Twas a many moons ago that i happened to go to an event called “Sexpo” (http://sexpo.com.au/) and there was an inflatable castle which was fortunately a strip club. The stripper who “performed” for me was a lovely nice lady, who i respect completely and utterly, As you can see from the picture earlier I’ve got my cheeky grin on and life couldn’t be better. But this was before she tied me to the strippers pole with my own scarf, pulled my pants down, ripped my bonds apart, took off my shirt, and rubbed and humped fruit and ice, into my back, and bit my bum, when she put a pear between my but cheeks. But oh that’s not the end, she whipped me with my own belt, and a studded belt. I had trouble walking, sitting down and LIFE STILL COULDN’T BE BETTER

But there is a picture of my ass in my “morning after folder” and here it is:

Bite mark and all.

But what concerned me most about my night at the strip club is that i got titties in my face, dry humped, and what i call “fetishly tortured”, which i didn’t pay for, but other people just paid for the torture…. Now maybe my moral values aren’t as fucked up as i thought, haha i was never into the whole hardcore domination thing but strip clubs they “aigghhttt”.

Now I’ve talked about douches, the cockhead, men, my new homies, strippers, the Fidel Castro looking guy, “hot” girls with their “attention seekers” but i haven’t talked about normal or average people. Now this is where it may get confusing but i don’t think there is a such thing as a normal or average person because to me normal is boring, and no matter how stale or un-delightfully monotone a person can be, you just have to get to know them, open them up or get them excited because then comes what i call “fun time”.

Yours the beat up/tortured and fun time loving

Alexander Vince

 

P.S VOTE! LIKEY! OR NO LIKEY!

P.S.S I will continue my defiance of the so called male stereotype of being shallow, next time.

P.S.S.S I love you all!

My Whisky

Well not including my glass full, I’m guessing there’s about 200 or so mL’s left in my last birthday bottle of Johnnie Walker Green Label, I have to thank my friends for such an abundance of special alcoholic gifts, as i only had a flask left of my Johnnie Walker Black Label when i got to this frozen dropping of Australia, known as “Tasmania” lovely place though. The thought of no whisky and barely any money to fuel this sweet urine coloured drink leads to my idea of sobriety, forced sobriety. “Yay” to my liver i guess.

 

Getting over people?

Now as of late I’ve noticed a lot of couples accusing each other of a lack of interest or feelings for one another, for example “Omg are you getting over me?” with an angry look while the pussy whipped boyfriend begs her “NO no no no no no waaayyy!”, but if i were him, then fuck yes, that crazy bitch has to go, no way is she giving me the crazy eyes and staying with me! Then there’s the girl with the sincere puppy dog eyes, that is just sooo fucking cute it would make my eyes bleed if i said yes. Now this led me to think, how long does it take to get over an ex or a person?

For me this has been a very long thought of subject, as even I’ve had my delving into the past ex’s, well not quite so literally, some of the time anyway…. What? You can never kill the sweet taste of “after’s sex”… Right?

Its a theory of mine that your not over a person until you literally have no emotional response over the subject of your ex, you do not care whatsoever, because even a “hate” is part of getting over a person, so sorry to those people who think “I hate my ex, he’s an arsehole” or “she’s a bitch” ladidi ladida, its actually a massive tell tale sign of what i call “post-relationship emotional responses” but come on as if you wouldn’t take her or him back, or well at least in the sack? No? Not even on a lonely night and your not taken? If your life depended on it?

Anyway apart from my intense thoughts on ex’s, I have actually had some fun of my own, my first student night/Wednesday night really gave me an insight of the fuck load of fun that happens in this place, a lot of nice people really! Then the Friday night just took me back to square one, the square of disappointment… It was like i was with a virgin, not saying that she is, but a really nice girl though, good sense of humour, apart from the fact that we were both a little plastered and i spent half of bottle of Green label that night ingesting it at an alarming rate, but what confused me even more is that i actually slept naked, and now your thinking “WHAT”, you’ve never slept naked?” no i have, but I’ve never slept naked, drunk and without a course of sexual activities, its strange its like seeing a stoner NOT stoned. That’s not the best part, imagine having her throw up in the morning, and there i am in bed thinking, “well isn’t this the fucking repeat of the virgin Mary” but yes, this is a strange ordeal for me, it was all going well and then BAM, she has a penis…. Just kidding, but seriously its almost like the nose flicking incident, must be the cold weather, or maybe i passed out naked on her bed? Mmmmm…. Thats when remembering seems to come in hand….

Yours the cold and sober one

Alexander Vince

P.s I used to have this almost feminist/sexist follower who actually constantly argued my wrong “doing’s”/“activities” with ex’s it was actually quite nice talking/ arguing/ discussing with her, or maybe him? So pop ever once in a while my friendly Anti-Alexander Vince reader!

Where Do You Draw The Line?

So as an adult there are certain things expected of me, both responsibility, as well as having the wisdom to deal with situations appropriately. Well of course these things come with time and experience, but burning yourself out because there is a lack of rush an excitement takes its toll, but with taking that toll, the boring and dull day to day becomes more aggravating and unbearable, but where do you stop and think what am I doing? Slowly killing one self with the destructive after effects of alcoholism, only to end the night in the bed of another?

Jesus it seems all so meaningless all of a sudden, where do you draw the line? I believe this alcoholism and addiction to the ideals of casual sex is corrupting both my generation and the youth to follow, I used to believe in the excitement of the chase and the catch, being seen as something worthy among friends and others, but now its meaningless with a self loathing catchy name as a man whore or player, it almost makes me feel hollow, have you ever thought about all those relationships that didn’t work and the “what if’s”?

It’s a deadly cycle of being interested in someone yet that interest failing as quickly as it came often leading me to realize that I’m not quite available as I was the night before, and then she’s gone leaving another road not taken, her leap of faith wasted, and another “what if”?

That responsibility and wisdom better come damn fast, because I’m not liking this self purgatory anymore.

Yours the irresponsible and unwise

Alexander Vince

To Drink A Drink, To Smoke A Smoke, To Fuck The Fucked, Be Cruel To Be Kind, To Live A Life, Without Any Strife.

So its occurred  to me that a partial few people around me, are constantly against my supposed “blackened” morals, as well as me drinking “too much”, smoking “too much” and well fucking “too much”, as well as here we go again being an arsehole “too much”, and according to these judgemental few that doing the dirty deed while intoxicated, and a cigarette in your grasp over and over and over again is a bad thing! Yes i agree cigarettes are a terrible thing causing cancer as well as an abundant amount of diseases, but that is soon to be a thing of the past, I’m going to be a quitter! But sex and alcohol? Come on?? As if i haven’t heard about their intoxicated sexual activities. But oh yes I’m the only one with bad morals. I’m judgemental on certain grounds such  as snobbery and “head up arse people”, but some deserve it, don’t you think? What they don’t seem to acknowledge when looking at other peoples doings, good or bad, theirs are just as bad, if not worse. I think of my doings…. Maybe a little too much at times quite apathetic and depressing really, but i judge myself before others.

As for the arsehole/dickhead thing or even being called a “fuckwit” or told things such as “Oh don’t get me started on what I’ve heard [about you]..” now as for all the gossip girls and guys out there who decide to even threaten or “hurt” my feelings by telling me the things I’ve supposedly done? Come on “what you’ve heard is probably most definitely true, I’m an arsehole, abuser, slut and a user good day!”

Now as for “Without Any Strife” its bitchy’ness, the drama, the downright lack of honesty and trust, Oh its not just women, but men as well, there are drama craving, bitchy, conniving men. Now I’m just thinking to myself “what the fuck has this world come to”. Obviously somebody either lacked or overfed on the milk from their fair mother’s bosom.

Well i guess this new adventure of mine, will turn over something other then just boring hair wrenching frustration.

If this is your first time reading, your probably think “shit, this guy is definitely not a people person” well your mistaken, i actually quite like people, but its the sociopaths and like i said conniving people, who are far too insecure often leading them to hurt their “friends” around them, on purpose. Well who likes those people? You? I wouldn’t think so….

Now as for my day a few days ago, its was wonderful! “Australia day” where you drink to your hearts content and more! As well as showing your Australian patriotism! But unfortunately for a few of my friends, they enjoyed their drink way too much, and wanted to show everybody the contents of their stomach, ahh just fertilizer for the garden right? But as the night went on, it was sleep that i was fond of, at the early time of 3:00 AM!

Yes it was hangover afternoon yesterday, but i saw a hilarious show last night called “A Ladies Guide To Brothels” based in Britain a pair of “older ladies” as well as the WI aka Women’s Institute made up of your friendly British neighbourhood grannies trying to legalize brothels in England, they visit famous brothel cities and states all around the world such as Holland with their window brothels, Nevada and New Zealand and they also visit adult shops, with curiosities’ for certain toys such as the “ass midget” often inquiring as to “i wonder what they use this for”, don’t believe me? hahaha here you are: http://www.cbc.ca/documentaries/passionateeyeshowcase/2008/ladysguide/.

Now i know late night TV is strange and almost erotic especially with all those advertisements about “phone this number and talk to:” “minxy Mary”, “Champagne”, “Licky Lillie”, or even “cocksucker Kate”. Mmmm late night TV is definitely for the lonely, but nothing will beat watching a pair of grannies almost having heart attacks and fits of embarrassment at an adult shop, now that’s entertainment!

Now its 7.46 PM on a Friday here in Sydney, and its going out night So definitely “too much” drinking, no smoking (without crossed fingers) and hopefully the latter But most definitely “too much” of an arsehole to those who deserve it

Here is my ode to the night:

We shall drink like we are weary travellers waiting with the parched taste of our dry tongues for the drop of elixir will splash its pungent immortal intoxicating smell throughout our blood driving our insanity flowing through face and tongue.

Our bloodshot weary eyes wander relentlessly at this golden froth topped man drink but unbeknown to our irresponsible minds the next morning will shout us the burden of our hazy night.

Yours the drinking, smoking, fucking, arsehole without strife

Alexander Vince

P.S I’m pretty sure I’ll live my life my way Thankyou, but please stop me if i confuse a woman with an actual transsexual, would be extremely awkward in the morning, I’d rather be lonely that night.