Lust, Inevitably Leads To Loneliness Or Something Like That.

My Life Stories, From the highest to the lowest, and the grey area crap inbetween that forms my life so far…

Archive for the tag “happy”

I Guess Its Like Rehab


I’m feeling good, happy, free I guess.

There’s been a lot of thinking over the past month, a lot of anger, frustration, regret, and a fucking stupid amount of things going through my head.

Its like rehab but the cold sweats in the middle of the night replaced with awful dreams, the shakes with constant reminders of her, and that addiction silently talking to you swapped with the constant never ending thoughts poking and teasing you of the past.
But I’m not going to say I was in pain throughout my last relationship, most of it was good and great times, but I need my time of freedom, to take a step back and look at everything and do everything that I want to. Without having to rely or be supported by anyone else therefore not experiencing the frustrations of disappointments when things fall through.
I’ve got myself, yeah sure loneliness is a problem I’ve got to face, but we all have to at some point.

I’m aiming at self reliance, defining, bettering and getting to know myself.
Okay now that’s enough about the pain, the change. Now to tell you what I’ve done for the relief, its fun… fun… and yes fun!

Which includes:

– Alcohol

– Smoking (stopping atm… again)

– A string of girls

– Took a lesbian home (yes that even surprised me)

– An unbelievable amount of training at the gym

–  Spending money (oh you all know it feels good)

– Just concentrating on Uni (perhaps not the most uplifting experience, but it takes your mind of things)

So I guess I’m going to have to tell you the lesbian story, well lets just say my mind wasn’t “there” my middle member controlled everything, I know its not very tasteful to do so but there’s an evolutionary theory why we(men) are the way we are, being “sex-crazed” to ensure the continuation of our lineage, but of course this theory or function is obsolete in our modern age society and is probably the most often used criticism by our female counterparts, personally I don’t see anything wrong with having a healthy sex life, just use a rubber, a dom, protection, sheepskin, bag, happy hat, jimmy cap, nodder, raincoat, or a glove. You know what I mean right?
No? Really?
Okay… Here’s something that will spark that light bulb of yours:

– No glove, no love.

– Don’t be silly, wrap you willy.

– Don’t be a fool, wrap your tool.

– Don’t be a ding-dong, cover you shling-shlong.

– Don’t be a wenis, protect you penis.

– If there’s gunna be affection, cover your erection.

– If your gunna banger, cover your wanger.

– There only a buck, get one before you fuck.

– If you think she’s spunky, cover your monkey.

– If you slip between her thighs, condomize.

– While your undressing Venus, dress up your penis.

– If you think she’ll sigh, cover old one eye.

– Avoid a frown, contain your clown.

– Cage that snake then shake and bake.

– Cover your vein then drive her insane.

– Wrap that Steed then trample her weeds.

Alright did you get it? Ahhh the last horse crosses the finish line…
Well anyway where was I? Oh yes I was pretty much doing the mating dance ritual with a girl on the dance floor, I had her pushing up against me, grabbing my ass, which really I kind of fancied, swapping roles a Little? Hahah then there was confusing she was 29 years old, my gay friend had a huge go(long story) but apparently the girl was “rank” like every other girl he’d commented on, well that’s a frustrated gay guy for you, but in the confusion he introduced me to this other girl, and in a drunken manner I quickly zoned in on an intense conversation with a Trinity looking girl from the matrix, lets call her that shall we! So got to my place, she wildly took my clothes off, ripped hers off in a flurry of tongue curling, griping, nail scratching, teeth biting, pelvis clenching magnificence. Then there it was….

SOOO MUCH BUSH!

Oh yeah it was there “BAM” she had so much, so much pride in herself, no stupid self image issues, that was HOT, yeah sure bush isn’t my thing even in politics but the self-confidence, the roar of Independence and beauty of being able to stand right in front of me, completely nude and vulnerable to sight and judgement without wincing. Yep WOW. I’ve always been able to walk around naked, it hasn’t bothered me, but most of my girlfriends have been so self-conscious, that its actually a let down, and most of the time such a joke because they’re all so beautiful, that I can’t help but laugh at the unfathomable reason of why they are that way, in reality they have nothing to worry about.
But anyway the Bush didn’t end there, there was a little bit of hair in the underarm, and I’m thinking yeah sure not what I’m used to but what the hell, then after the heightened intense super fun time, we talked, she’s mainly had girlfriends and hadn’t been with a guy in over 5 years. I felt privileged I must admit!

I felt dominated that night, as if she was the lioness and I was her prey, and oh I LOVED IT!

Well that’s enough of fun for one early morning 🙂

Yours the free, the conqueror, the happy and the rehabilitated

Alexander Vince

KEEP CHIPPER! 😀

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Genuine


I Would not be surprised if you all are thinking “FOR GOD SAKES NOBODY CAN BE THIS HAPPY FOR THIS LONG” but its not just burst of happiness soon to die out in an ember,  its genuine happiness, with each passing moment a constant reminder things can only get better.

Its that feeling stepping in from the miserable cold outside into the warmth from smiling faces and flickers of the homely fireplace happy to see you or even on the sickly hot dry days where there is that soothing cool breeze or shade making the most unbearable heats seem un-noticeable, almost a perfection, its also the pleasure a gentlemen takes in sipping his whisky on the rocks, the innocent gleeful smile from a child, laughing with your friends till you feel like you have no control at all and all you can do is fall, also for you smokers taking that first draw from your cigarette after a long day. I have no means to try and make you understand, but it feels like all of this and more. It gives you the ability to notice.. well “the little things” as people say, and think wow, this it, this is what’s its supposed to be like.

I have a lot people to thank for this, Family, friends and “Missy”.

I don’t think I’ve known a relationship or a girl without its carry on luggage of doubts, don’t get me wrong there were happy times, but they were equally if not overtaken by its disappointments or unhappiness and until recently I thought that’s the way things were.

Its like arriving at a mysterious place in the dark, slowly seeing the light reveal, each shade of colour, the pavers, railings, grass, the sand of the beach, the waves rolling in, and the sun rising above the horizon of the sea, with each moment passing each colour is more vibrant then before until your surroundings are shrouded no longer, and all you see is beauty. I feel this way with Missy and its gloriously amazing that in my moments of random interaction that I’ve stumbled onto something extremely more then worthwhile, and all I can think or say is wow, with my jaw dropped, staring.

I finally feel like myself.

Anywho I just thought I’d get you up to speed with the whole “Missy” situation, to put it simply its fucking fantastic! Open-mouthed smile

Yours the genuinely happy

Alexander Vince

 

P.S Lots of funny stories from last weekend in the next post Winking smile

To Fill You In


Well I feel the need to fill you in on what’s happened between my new set of posts, and those previous 7ish months ago…. SO you can get a grip on why this feeling of happiness and such a wonderful date is an amazing change! Smile

So thinking of the past can give both pleasant, humorous, sad, embarrassing and shameful memories. for example over the last 8 months i have been  living far away from family and friends in Sydney and its pushed me through my last stages of choosing the self persecuting choices which led me astray towards a chaotic bipolar day to day living into this sense of independence and living happily content. It was during this time of chaos that my blog was practically a husk of what it used to be, and only written when I was on the happy side of this chaotic bipolar little slice of hell. To put it simply it was a series, well pretty much a pattern of “happy-disappointment-angry-upset-break up-apologies-false sense of happiness” for about 6 months. Yes if you’ve gathered so far I’m talking about my previous relationship, and now your probably thinking “why didn’t you end it sooner if you were so unhappy then?” well it wasn’t as easy that, I was both in denial and holding onto that last slither of hope that things would change, I’m not saying I wasn’t happy at all in this 6 month duration, but it was quenched and like a candle in the rain, it didn’t take long to go out.

But now the chaos is far from sight, further then the horizon. With many thanks to my friends of course who had to deal with such terror and unimaginable frustrations.

To those experiencing that chaos, I wish you good luck, and I really do hope things get better for you. But its your choice whether you want chaos over genuine happiness.

Yours the happily vibrant and un-chaotic

Alexander Vince

A Smile


So to end another weekend of  bright sunshine, joyous, coffee, cigarettes, drinking, brilliance and work i had a highlight, it was on the Sunday night, I had a date with a beautiful blonde (lets call her Missy). At a nice restaurant called “Silt” accompanied with a bottle of champagne, our conversations were  never ending! Working its way into our precious history as children, adolescents, and adults as well our families past and how we came to be comparing each others colourful lives with interest and admiration, so practically I came to find and cement my thoughts of the things that makes this particular “Missy” special. What many find an average dinner date of entree’s, a main course and a dessert, this was far beyond my expectations, so much better in fact, to have a date go so nice and smoothly, even if we were partially inebriated following a distinct straight mix of port, limes, Cointreau and liqueur. I was supremely happy and for once i felt obligated AND willing to pay the bill, which was Pittance for such a splendorous, joyful night, I don’t think I’ve ever felt such a connection on a first date, not one just of lust but when you see that one sparkle that shows its potential for something that can be the star burning bright, along with your excited caffeinated butterflies in your stomach, it does bring a smile to your face.

Our night didn’t end there, home I didn’t go until the morning’s light and let’s just say we “rocked the casbah”. I took comfort in her company and her ridiculously comfortable bed, waking up to her aqua blue eyes and the highlight for my weekend a smile.

Yours the all round happy

Alexander Vince

 

P.s Me before my date: A haircut and HOORAY a weight off my head!

Picture of me before my date

THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM!


Yes I am still happily content! SURPRISED? HAHA!?!?!

Okay maybe its not surprising, because for those who know me, personally and in person; know I’m a pretty happy guy, but this is beyond happiness, I’ve got a dinner date; okay don’t start thinking that I’m moving at a million miles an hour, because I’m allowed to get to know someone aren’t I? I have to admit I’m nervous, but I’ve got happy, hyper BUTTERFLIES! Its Halloween in a couple of weeks,Dress up parties here I come! I’ve also got another Bali trip this Christmas/New Years; this time my best mate Adam is coming! Oh yes so much to look forward to!

There’s only one bad thing, all the good times have been fantastic, but they fly past and then suddenly its as if time itself has said “Hey wait a second, that Alex guy is having way too much fun, lets slow down during all the boring bits so he’ll be bored out of his tits.” or perhaps I just need some sleep….

Its like when you were a kid, your day at school is painfully slow, and your anticipating to go and play out on the street with your friends when you get home. But then you’ve got homework, further draining your belittled attention span but feeding your ravenous hunger to go and play. Those three hours of playful afternoons in the sun, are never three hours, well they never seemed to be. It all ended with the sun disappearing behind the horizon, street lights turning on, and one by one all of your friends were called home for dinner, you would play until you begin to feel the cold of darkness coming or you smell your mothers amazing cooking, and off you trot, or running.

Yes I’m comparing my innocent childhood days to anticipation of a dinner date, Halloween dress up parties and my soon to be, once again inebriated Bali experience.

I just feel that somewhere over the last few weeks I’ve regained that feeling, the rush, and the “butterflies” that as a kid, I had every afternoon when the school bell rang. I’m glad Smile

 

Yours the excited and all butterflied up

Alexander Vince

P.S

HOW CUTE IS THIS LITTLE ECHIDNA!

SO FING CUTE

Happiness Is In The Eye Of The Beholder


Why is it that when a disaster or feeling of unhappiness strikes that the weather is miserable in compared to when happiness is on the rise; where the weather is beautiful, the sun is shining and the birds are singing. I’ve noticed over the last couple of weeks, that I’ve been in a constant happy state, even when work tonight was hard and mistakes were made. I brushed it off and continued be chirpy, quirky, and at the end of the night, down right dirty. Hehehe.

I feel cleansed with the sun(HAVE TO LOVE THE VITAMIN D!), healthy food, coffee, and yes I feel cleansed even though I smoke ironic I know. But this is one of the first times in a long time where stress is a far away thought, I have someone worth working towards and I’m happy for it to go either way, whether it doesn’t happen or does, happy, for her and for me, its a crazy feeling. To put it simply everything is going well, besides my empty stomach at the moment. I am content and the best thing about it is I’m not trying so hard to be happy! Its coming naturally!

Oh by the way I’ve got a bed time story for you!

I was at work one night a couple of weeks ago, taking this middle aged, early 50’s looking couple’s order, serving their drinks and food, the whole “waitering” kit and caboodle and while talking to them, we got onto the topic of why i came to be working at this particular restaurant(the history of Alexander Vince really). At the end of the night, this particular couple came to pay the bill, and they give me a 10 dollar tip as well as a note I quickly skimmed through the note and said thankyou with a smile. It barely occurred to me at the time, that this couple were swingers and in this particular note suggested they were interested in me to come over for a “private drink and/or meal”, so pretty much they’re saying “hey join our weird open relationship swinger couple gangbang orgy touch and see our sagging bums thing, and we’ll get you drunk for free and feed you if we have to.” I’m conflicted, I feel like I’ve been eye raped or perved on by my high school gym teacher yet I feel extremely complimented that I passed their criteria… But no way in hell did I call their number, I’m not interested in seeing all the sagginess that I will eventually be forced to see in thirty years time.

Yours the Good Ole’ Plain happy and swinger attracting

Alexander Vince

 

P.s

So you’ve heard of Edward scissor hands?

I BRING YOU ALEXANDER BOTTLE HANDS!

2011-09-15 04.06.24

The High Road


QUICK CATCH UP ON MY LIFE:

– No girlfriend. Didn’t end on good terms, but then again most never do. In short, things don’t always work out, apart from that its too long and complex to explain. But then again I wasn’t truthful with myself, which you can see in my blogs from before, quite a state of denial indeed.

– Work is great.

– Life is definitely fantastic, with its leaps and bounds of joy.

– Plenty of coffee, French cafe music, and cigarettes while sitting in the wonderful sun growing a tan with my best friend Adam.

02102011556

Adam and I “chilling” in the glorious sun!  Smile

Now to the main part of my blog! (Be warned its a bit of a serious blog)

So picture me trying to hold together a good moral decision against a chance of early morning lust filled adventures, while “under the influence of alcohol’, a tremendous amount of attraction towards this particular individual, as well as a sex drive that on most occasions drives me to a barely self contained insanity.

To a great deal of surprise I took the high road instead of the lower; where my previous sexual young deviant self wouldn’t of thought twice. I founded a great deal of respect for myself in doing so.

Your probably wondering where my reasoning behind my moral decision came from; well it was due to the fact this particular person was in a relationship and drunken decisions are often seen as a decision that is easily accused as the wrong decision “mistakenly made” due to the inebriation, unlike a sober decision which is less likely to be seen as such a mistake. it’s not only because of the thoughts  of “a regretful decision” but there is a respect that i hold for this particular girl, and if i were to ever perhaps show my feelings or even be friends with her, a drunken mishap and the guilt she would of felt by making that decision so quickly or without any reasoning(other than, oh he’s funny, cute and wants me so bad) would most likely destroy any chances of that possibly happening. Yes my drunken mind made this split second moment of massive thought and decision; when our eyes met, both of us steadily but softly leaning and quietly arching in for what was leading towards a kiss, and i turned my cheek. But things differed the next day with many a talks.

Its never been my intention of causing frustration or grief, we’ll see how things go but “I hope”.

Yours the more self respected and hopeful

Alexander Vince

So It Happened.


Sorry for the lateness and lack of posts my friends Smile

24th March 2011

For all those supposed readers and fans yes it has happened, I’ve met someone,  I never saw it coming, it was an accident, I wasn’t looking for it, I wasn’t on the prowl, it was nice, she was nice, I was even being nice, it clicked and it took me by surprise. She’s completely nuts, in a way that makes me smile and damn she makes good coffee.

To be quite Frank  she’s great, the first things I saw were these beautiful blue eyes, that are a little cat like, and there’s almost a suave look that surrounds her, she’s Petite, and I don’t think I’ve danced with anyone so much in my life. The best thing though is that I don’t have to lie, or keep secrets, or not tell her anything, because i can be completely utterly truthful and here’s the best part, she fun loving… A happy bee and her smell is almost narcotic.

At the moment I don’t know what’s going to happen, there is no crystal ball, and whether she shares the same feelings, I’m happy.

Anywhooo I’ve been busy with uni, and etc so if you know me, say hi, if you don’t well that’s too bad Smile Just kidding.

Yours the Happy

Alexander Vince

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